Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by guest3, Aug 18, 2007.
difficult child II is really struggling
Have you gone to an Alanon meeting?
BBK is right, Alanon meetings can be helpful. It can be difficult to just "shut off" your feelings for someone, even if you know they are someone who shouldn't be in your life.
You described it perfectly, the highschool breakup x 100. My first husband was not good for my kids and I knew it, they were young, but it still hurt so much to make this decision. When I made my vows, I intended on keeping them, but sometimes your brain tells you, this isn't the way to live or the way to raise my children. Realizing it was over was the first time in my life I sobbed crying. I have only cried that hard 3 times in my entire life. It hurts to come to that conclusion and its like losing part of yourself, because you're so familiar with what life has been like for you up until now.
I am now remarried and I have 3 difficult children that now don't have their biomom as part of their life. Even though they are still difficult children, the confusion she caused and the instability is no longer there and they have improved. They still have many things to overcome, but now that they are in a household that is stable, if you could do direct comparisons to how they were and how they are, you'd see a huge difference.
My first husband, although not good as a full time dad, is fine as a part time dad. I think the kids live a more normal life now than they ever could have if we had stayed married.
My heart goes out to you for how hard it is right now. I never want to go through that pain again, it is such a hard and scary decision to make and you are constantly second guessing yourself with "what ifs". Hang in there, it will get better.
No words of wisdom. Just tons of cyber hugs of understanding and empathy. I echo AllStressedOut's statement that it WILL get better!!
It's just all part of the grieving process, and there is no way to get over it other than through it. You can't hide, or disappear, you just have to walk through the fire. You have already walked through so much, you can do this too, just stay strong.
I have been thinking of you, and send my prayers, you will do this.
A book that helped me a lot during my divorce is <u>Crazy Time-</u> <u>Surviving Divorce and Building A New Life</u> by Abigail Trafford. I hope you get the chance to read it. I have thought a lot about you in the past weeks and wonder how you are doing. I am glad you have the support of your parents, even though it sounds like there may be some challenges there. Stay Strong...You will get through this!
Take Care of Yourself!
As a single Mom there are far too many things to worry about. It
is difficult making decisions and then 2nd guessing yourself.
For my three biokids I decided to have a set response to complex
questions. "I am the adult and I am in charge of our family. I
will always make the decisions based on what I truly believe is best for each of you. Sometimes it is hard and I ask God to help
me make the right choices. You are children. You do not make
adult decisions. Enjoy being children and knowing you can come to me with any problem or question...but...I can not and will not
ask you to help me be the grownup. I am!" It worked most of the
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