suicide rap boy, new stuff

[Arttillygirl]

I am afraid I am becoming a regular:

Yesterday the psychologist called and said after his meeting with my difficult child, he might recommend hospitalization. I think he is over reacting but I said I'd watch him closely. I think in light of VA, everybody is on edge. My husband was also very frustrated that we have met 5 times and have had zero counsel on how to handle this situation. They just talk-he's like "where is the council?" what did you tell him to encourage him?" . He said "I just made him promise me he wouldn't do anything until he saw him again!?!" That doesn't seem like much advice! I guess they discussed VA my son said he'd been that angry at his classmates to do that before and that he'd thought about suicide. He had NO plan to do so. I guess that's how counseling works, I don't know. My son likes going and says he feels like he understands him.

Today we asked his best friend to church and afterwards they went bike riding. THEY VANDALIZED a building again!! He entered an old building that he and this friend had vandalized before but it was being torn down anyway. (Vandalized meaning tearing down a ceiling fan while filming for a prank website) Today 3 months later, he went into the 2nd part of the building and was throwing rocks. You would think in light of all he's been through, spurred on by the fallout from previous vandalism that I think the consequences of really sparked his depression. He is risking being able to be around his best friend, which for a depressed boy is pretty serious.
Police caught them and took them to juvenille jail for a few hours! (I am going to check but I am beginning to get a sneaking suspicion my husband encouraged it but that's totally my opinion, he's asleep) The boy's parents were upset with the police, thinking a trip to jail was extreme. They likened it to It's a Wonderful Life- the throwing rocks at an abandoned bldg. So I guess maybe they will remain friends.

My psychologist told me to watch his mood because this will be the 3rd week of starting Zoloft. I'll be honest, I am afraid to tell him. Can he have him involuntarily hospitalized?

We are really becoming unravelled parents. We keep thinking "this is going to pass and get back to normal". Then something new happens.
We didn't punish him. My husband didn't say 2 words, he is completely at a loss and I told him there was nothing he could do to make us stop loving him but he needs consequences. I feel like maybe the scare was enough. Anyone have any suggestions?

 

[flutterbee]

I think you did get counsel. The psychiatrist said he might recommend hospitalization. They don't hospitalize kids without reason, so if he's thinking about it, your son is ill. When easy child was severely depressed and suicidal and we were considering Residential Treatment Center (RTC), his psychologist had him sign a "contract" stating that if he thought he was going to hurt himself that he was to tell me or call 911.

To answer your question, if the psychiatrist feels like your son is a threat to himself or others, then yes, he can have him involuntarily admitted. It may involve a court hearing, but it can be done. If your son is a threat to himself or others, it NEEDS to be done.

It sounds as if your son is at or near crisis level if psychiatrist is thinking about hospitalization. This isn't something that is going to fix itself over night - or in 5 visits. This is going to take time and patience and a lot of learning. There are no magic words psychiatrist can say to your son to make him feel better or encourage him. The psychiatrist will be teaching your son how to change his thinking and how to cope with his feelings/thoughts. (A very common treatment used for depression is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy if you want to google search for that.) In order to do this effectively, psychiatrist has to get to know your son. It takes time. Even if the zoloft works, your son still needs therapy. By far the most effect treatment of depression is medications and therapy together. The longer depression goes untreated, the harder it is to treat. Untreated, long-term depression has been linked to such things as heart disease and cancer. This is serious stuff.

I don't think a trip to jail for vandalism at their age is extreme. If it were my kid, there would be consequences at home. However, I am not in your home and do not know how unstable your child is and, therefore, cannot comfortably say what kind of consequences I would employ. If my child were unstable, I may very well decide that the trip to jail was enough consequence. You have to go with your gut on that one.

Hugs to you. I'll keep your son in my thoughts.

 

[Marguerite]

Arttillygirl, you said, " am afraid I am becoming a regular"

I thought you already were!! Hey, it's what we're here for! Stop apologising!

Seriously though, it sounds like the counselling is working, at least to some extent. He likes going there, he's opening up and talking about his feelings, he's making agreements with the counsellor. Just opening up and expressing feelings, including feelings of self-harm, can help prevent such plans being carried out. I would keep the counselling up, for sure.

You and your husband also need someone professional to dump on, because this is stressful in the extreme and while you're stressed and anxious you're less able to hear your son and help him.

I'm sorry about the vandalism, but at least they chose somewhere that wasn't going to need to be repaired. But they didn't know that the building wasn't being demolished as salvage - the ceiling fan, for example, may have been targeted for retrieval and re-use. This sort of vandalism can be therapeutic, but is thoughtless and damaging to the environment because it makes the demolisher's job harder. And one day they could be in a building slated for demolition and not know there are charges already laid through the building, and it can come crashing down around them. There are reasons why a building is being demolished. Whether any of this can get trough to him - I don't know. But there are productive ways to be destructive - what about volunteering at a recycling centre? Smash all the glass you want...

Marg

 

[DammitJanet]

Im sorry this is escalating. You do need to tell the doctor everything. Your son needs to find out now he cannot continue down this path or he will end up where my son - and several other of the adult difficult child's on the board - are at now. Nip this in the bud now. You dont want to be visiting him in jail later.

If the psychiatrist thinks he needs to be in the hospital, well that is where he needs to be for a time. It wont hurt him. They can work on his medications in a controlled setting. Hospitals for teens are pretty nice places. They arent what you imagine from "One flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".

 

[timer lady]

It seems to me if the professionals are asking your difficult child to have a "contract" of sorts; to ask for help before he hurts himself, does something there is a need for hospitalization.

It could mean the medications just aren't a good fit for him - either way, he is talking dangerously & making some pretty risky choices.

Be honest with the psychiatrist, therapist whomever. It may help you find difficult child the route treatment.

 

[DDD]

I'm happy to hear that your son is relating to the professional
that you all chose to help him. That is terrific at age 15...
most of us have had teens who wouldn't talk freely and many others have had teens who flat out would not go to appointments.

Remember what your Minister said. "You" can not fix it. "You"
need to be prepared to wait for the passage of time. (Of course,
I don't mean "You" alone....I mean you and your husband when I use
that term.)

Be thankful that some progress is being made. Do not expect
your son to revert to how he was as a boy. He no longer is a boy
and is transitioning to adulthood. Love the memories but don't
anticipate you can resume where your life was before.

Sending supportive hugs and prayers. DDD

PS: None of us wanted "to belong" here..lol. All of us thank
God that we found this place for ongoing support and the chance
to help others as we take turns giving and taking.

 

[Arttillygirl]

Thank you everyone

 

[Nancy]

It's common for therapists to ask their clients for a contract that they will not harm themselves or tell them if they feel that they might. It's a way of building trust and also a way to guage the state of mind of the patient. It's a fine line. We have brought difficult child to the ER three times in the past and each time asked them to keep her. They refused each time stating that she was not in imminent danger of hurting herself or others as they evaluated the situation. Of course we all know that that sometimes goes terribly wrong.

In the meantime go with your gut. Watch him closely and don't be afraid of making the trip to ER even if you are turned away. It will show him that you are serious.

Nancy

P.S. Also I wanted to mention that in the beginning many therapists will just talk to the client. It looks to us the parents as just talk but it is a way of getting to know the patiient and many thing come out in the conversation that the therapist can use to help evaluate his state of mind. Of course if the talking goes no further in the months ahead you may have to ask if the therapy is being productive, as we have done several times. I always felt good that there was a therapist involved because I considered it a safety net for my difficult child, an outlet for her.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

first of all, (((hugs)))

Secondly, let me share a bit of my experience with you.

My easy child (former difficult child) was put into the hospital involuntarily when she was 16. We had been back and forth with the psychiatrist, could not get a definite diagnosis, her medications were not stable, she was cutting herself and running away. We put her in the hospital so they could detox her and start all over with her medications. It worked well, and we got a definite diagnosis and proper medications for her.

Unfortunately, she turned 18, and as we all know, when one turns 18, they know everything. So she stopped taking her medications. But that's another story. She's actually not doing too bad. (she's "in love...")

 

[flutterbee]

Marg has some good ideas about an outlet for your son's frustrations...as in the recycling plant. Depression can and does cause a lot of frustration. Imagine what it must be like to feel so miserable and helpless. When my easy child was going through this, we hung a punching bag in the basement. It worked wonders for him. He would go down to the punching bag...it shook the entire house...but he always came back feeling much better...relieved. We no longer need the punching bag. In fact, he was the one that took it down.

Just a thought.

 

[Marguerite]

I used a jogging trampoline when difficult child 1 was little and before we had him diagnosed. If he was too active we would send him to the trampoline and tell him how many jumps to do. It was something that could live indoors for wet weather use and it took a lot of punishment.

The punching bag is a brilliant idea - difficult child 1 also climbs trees as an escape. I used to go to the rocky headland of a beach and sit there during a storm.

Art can be an outlet - making mosaics means you have to smash crockery or tiles first. Then you crate something positive, even if all you're doing is covering a terracotta pot. or making a house number design for the letterbox.

Marg