The Light at the end of the Tunnel

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by everywoman, Dec 16, 2008.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I know many of you are having a hard time right now. I want to offer you hope. 4 years ago I was in the worst place imaginable in my life.

    2000-2006 are six years that nearly killed me.
    My father in law had a debilitating stroke that left him in a vegetative coma for 6 years.
    My beloved grandfather (who raised me as his own) died.
    My bio-father who I had worked hard at rebuilding a relationship with died and his wife tried to prove in court battle that I was not his daughter.
    My mother in law had a stoke that left her an invalid.
    My husband and his sister took on full time care of his parents in their home, which left me with all the responsibilities of the house and children.
    I had two knee surgeries, my appendix burst, and I had breast cancer.
    My bio-mother left her abusive third marriage, came to live with me, had a gambling problem, and tried to commit suicide after stealing me blind.
    difficult child started to get out of control.
    My pcson was thrown out to college for hazing.
    My husband developed a dependency to oxycotin and then to crack cocaine. He then lost his job and quit paying any of the bills (unbeknown to me).
    My house went into foreclosure. I had to hide my vehicle from the repo man every night.
    husband went to rehab.
    I had a mild heart attack.
    husband came home, clean and sober, but still had the responsibility of his parents so we spent very little time together.
    My grandmother (who raised me and was my "real" mother passed away).
    difficult child had a pyschotic break and tried to molest his sister.
    difficult child had two pysch hospital stays.
    PCdaughter had knee surgery and lost her full dance scholarship to college.
    difficult child was arrested three times. He was on probation twice, one as a juvenile for 9 months and once as an adult for a year.
    difficult child was assaulted and suffered severe head trauma.
    difficult child went to drug rehab twice.
    My mother in law passed away.
    My father in law passed away.

    Through it all I worked full time as a high school teacher, achieved National Board certification, coached a National title dance team.

    During those years a number of things got me through.
    1. This board. When I found it I was a codependent mess in complete denial. The advice I got from here helped me grow as a parent.
    2. My faith. It was tested, but from it grew a personal relationship with my creator.
    3. Reading and learning all I could about addiction and mental illness. Knowledge leads to understand and understanding leads to empowerment.
    4. A supportive family and group of friends who knew to just listen and not offer advice or suggestions. Having people who will just listen helps you come to your own answers.
    5. My job. I found solace and peace in my passion for teaching.

    The point is that:
    I survived. My marriage survived. I am a better, stronger, more empathetic wife, mother, friend, and teacher. My children are whole, and happy, and growing stronger every day. They are becoming the adults I knew they could be. I am able to let them own their own problems, face their own consequences, and find their own solutions.

    You will get through whatever you are going through. It might not be easy. You may feel like giving up. But each day you get up and fight another day.
    There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just look. You will see it flicker from time to time and that will give you the strength to fight your way to the end.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow!! You are amazing! Thank you for posting this- your story is truly inspiring!!
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Wow, very well put and thank you for taking the time to share this with all of us. You are a strong person, with an endless ability to see the rainbow beyond the clouds.......:) Isnt' it amazing what a person can go thru and live thru and learn from.

  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    No praise, please. I am not amazing. I'm as average as they come. There were times when I didn't want to get out of bed. In fact, I think there was a week or two in there that I didn't. There were moments that I didn't think I could make it another day, and I wanted to run away and leave it all behind. I even used that fantasy as an escape. I would envision myself as a single woman living in an efficiency in NYC enjoying my carefree days and seeing all the Broadway shows and eating at hot dog stands and pizza joints everyday. My point is that if I can make it through, anyone can. I hope that from my message people can see that there is hope in the darkest of hours.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I believe there is strength in each person to get through the dark hours. It is sometimes hard to find. As we work with our difficult children, we can use the same "techniques" on our own life:

    Take a deep breath
    Have patience
    Take one day at a time (or one moment at a time when it is that bad)
    Keep trying - work through all your options and look for more

    Everywoman, Thank you for sharing. It really is important to know that people can and have come through the very darkest of times. You do come out stronger than you may have been without the trials. You come through with more understanding of how other people are struggling. You come out a kinder person.
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I remember reading about many of your struggles (and those of many of our members) as they came over the last several years. I've said to myself, many times over, that if they can get up and get going each day then so can I. Perseverance and resilience are two qualities necessary to life with a difficult child.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It's really reassuring to know you see a light at the end of the tunnel and after going through what you have gone through even recognize the light.
    You are one of the incredible warrior mom's I have met through this site.
    Thanks for the update.
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    EW, I had no idea you had endured so much. I am so sorry that you had to.

    Take the praise. You have earned it. You persevered and overcame when a lot of people would have bailed or simply crumbled beneath the weight of it all. You are a strong, amazing lady.

    There is a light at the end of the tunnel, you are right. I have sometines had to squint to see it, but it's always been there.
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    It's good to know that the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT necessarily an oncoming train!

    Thanks for sharing.

  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thank you for sharing that. You are so right. It's important to remember even in the darkest times of our lives that there is always hope for a better tomorrow.

    May you continue to be blessed with the inner strength and courage that have brought you through the worst of times to see the light and hope of a new day.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you for sharing this. It is good to know there is that light. Sometimes it is difficult to see that light. We do have to keep putting one foot in front of the other some days just to get through the day (esp. with a difficult child). I've always believed somewhere there is a light (just can't see it right now but I believe it's there) and I appreciate you and others who share their stories.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    EW, I've always believed that we become the people we are through circumstances and how we handle them. You handled yours with strength and grace - something to he commended for.

    I think we all have our limits and obviously we've all learned how to work well under pressure - there is that 'flight or fight' thing going on for sure.

    Whenever my brother calls me, he always says, "So, sis, how's the battle going?" and I ALWAYS say, "Well, I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel". I just know it's there and it's waiting for all of us.

    Thanks for the reminder that 'this too shall pass' and that if we persevere, we will see the light at the end of the tunnel. God/dess Bless.
  13. compassion

    compassion Member

    Thanks!!!! Compassion