everywoman
Well-Known Member
I know many of you are having a hard time right now. I want to offer you hope. 4 years ago I was in the worst place imaginable in my life.
2000-2006 are six years that nearly killed me.
My father in law had a debilitating stroke that left him in a vegetative coma for 6 years.
My beloved grandfather (who raised me as his own) died.
My bio-father who I had worked hard at rebuilding a relationship with died and his wife tried to prove in court battle that I was not his daughter.
My mother in law had a stoke that left her an invalid.
My husband and his sister took on full time care of his parents in their home, which left me with all the responsibilities of the house and children.
I had two knee surgeries, my appendix burst, and I had breast cancer.
My bio-mother left her abusive third marriage, came to live with me, had a gambling problem, and tried to commit suicide after stealing me blind.
difficult child started to get out of control.
My pcson was thrown out to college for hazing.
My husband developed a dependency to oxycotin and then to crack cocaine. He then lost his job and quit paying any of the bills (unbeknown to me).
My house went into foreclosure. I had to hide my vehicle from the repo man every night.
husband went to rehab.
I had a mild heart attack.
husband came home, clean and sober, but still had the responsibility of his parents so we spent very little time together.
My grandmother (who raised me and was my "real" mother passed away).
difficult child had a pyschotic break and tried to molest his sister.
difficult child had two pysch hospital stays.
PCdaughter had knee surgery and lost her full dance scholarship to college.
difficult child was arrested three times. He was on probation twice, one as a juvenile for 9 months and once as an adult for a year.
difficult child was assaulted and suffered severe head trauma.
difficult child went to drug rehab twice.
My mother in law passed away.
My father in law passed away.
Through it all I worked full time as a high school teacher, achieved National Board certification, coached a National title dance team.
During those years a number of things got me through.
1. This board. When I found it I was a codependent mess in complete denial. The advice I got from here helped me grow as a parent.
2. My faith. It was tested, but from it grew a personal relationship with my creator.
3. Reading and learning all I could about addiction and mental illness. Knowledge leads to understand and understanding leads to empowerment.
4. A supportive family and group of friends who knew to just listen and not offer advice or suggestions. Having people who will just listen helps you come to your own answers.
5. My job. I found solace and peace in my passion for teaching.
The point is that:
I survived. My marriage survived. I am a better, stronger, more empathetic wife, mother, friend, and teacher. My children are whole, and happy, and growing stronger every day. They are becoming the adults I knew they could be. I am able to let them own their own problems, face their own consequences, and find their own solutions.
You will get through whatever you are going through. It might not be easy. You may feel like giving up. But each day you get up and fight another day.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just look. You will see it flicker from time to time and that will give you the strength to fight your way to the end.
2000-2006 are six years that nearly killed me.
My father in law had a debilitating stroke that left him in a vegetative coma for 6 years.
My beloved grandfather (who raised me as his own) died.
My bio-father who I had worked hard at rebuilding a relationship with died and his wife tried to prove in court battle that I was not his daughter.
My mother in law had a stoke that left her an invalid.
My husband and his sister took on full time care of his parents in their home, which left me with all the responsibilities of the house and children.
I had two knee surgeries, my appendix burst, and I had breast cancer.
My bio-mother left her abusive third marriage, came to live with me, had a gambling problem, and tried to commit suicide after stealing me blind.
difficult child started to get out of control.
My pcson was thrown out to college for hazing.
My husband developed a dependency to oxycotin and then to crack cocaine. He then lost his job and quit paying any of the bills (unbeknown to me).
My house went into foreclosure. I had to hide my vehicle from the repo man every night.
husband went to rehab.
I had a mild heart attack.
husband came home, clean and sober, but still had the responsibility of his parents so we spent very little time together.
My grandmother (who raised me and was my "real" mother passed away).
difficult child had a pyschotic break and tried to molest his sister.
difficult child had two pysch hospital stays.
PCdaughter had knee surgery and lost her full dance scholarship to college.
difficult child was arrested three times. He was on probation twice, one as a juvenile for 9 months and once as an adult for a year.
difficult child was assaulted and suffered severe head trauma.
difficult child went to drug rehab twice.
My mother in law passed away.
My father in law passed away.
Through it all I worked full time as a high school teacher, achieved National Board certification, coached a National title dance team.
During those years a number of things got me through.
1. This board. When I found it I was a codependent mess in complete denial. The advice I got from here helped me grow as a parent.
2. My faith. It was tested, but from it grew a personal relationship with my creator.
3. Reading and learning all I could about addiction and mental illness. Knowledge leads to understand and understanding leads to empowerment.
4. A supportive family and group of friends who knew to just listen and not offer advice or suggestions. Having people who will just listen helps you come to your own answers.
5. My job. I found solace and peace in my passion for teaching.
The point is that:
I survived. My marriage survived. I am a better, stronger, more empathetic wife, mother, friend, and teacher. My children are whole, and happy, and growing stronger every day. They are becoming the adults I knew they could be. I am able to let them own their own problems, face their own consequences, and find their own solutions.
You will get through whatever you are going through. It might not be easy. You may feel like giving up. But each day you get up and fight another day.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just look. You will see it flicker from time to time and that will give you the strength to fight your way to the end.