The truth about addiction....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by RN0441, Nov 7, 2018.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I'm your child, or spouse, or friend.
    But I've changed.
    I don’t belong to you anymore.
    I don’t care about you.
    Not in the way you want me to.
    I care about getting high.
    I WANT to get high.
    I will do ANYTHING to get high.
    I LOVE getting high.
    I NEED to get high.. and I will step over you to do it.
    When I look at you, I don’t see YOU.
    I see a means to an end.
    You have money.
    I want it.
    End of story.
    I don’t care if you can’t pay the rent.
    I don’t care if you need groceries.
    I don’t care if you promised not to give me money again.
    I don’t care if you lie to Dad.
    I don’t care if you’re broke.
    Sell your rings, take a loan, sell your electronics, max out your credit cards, borrow the money from someone else, because if you don’t, I will STEAL it.
    I WILL find a way to get HIGH.
    You think you can CHANGE me, or SAVE me.
    But you're WRONG!
    Something cold and dead slithers in me.
    You can CRY all you want.
    Your tears won't change anything.
    I have no integrity or values.
    My morals are a thing of the past.
    I will say anything, do anything, hurt anyone, to get my next FIX.
    Although I play the game with you, make no mistake.
    I don’t play it because I care, I play it because I want my DOPE.
    I'll tell you what you want to hear,
    I'll promise you the world,
    I'll look you in the eyes, and I'll break your heart.
    Over and over again.
    I don’t have a heart.
    I have a HUNGER.
    It’s calculating and manipulative, and it OWNS me.
    In a strange way, you’re thankful for this.
    For when I need something I find you, quick!
    Then when I’ve gotten what I want from you, I leave.
    You’re anxious without me.
    You offer to buy my food or pay my rent.
    By now, your NEED is almost as great as mine.
    I can’t stay SICK without you.
    You can’t breathe without ME.
    You think you’re helping me.
    You believe you’re making a difference, but what you’re really helping… is my ADDICTION.
    I won’t tell you this, but you know it, deep down.
    If we keep going like this, one or both of us will die.
    Me from an overdose, that you paid for, and you from a heart attack, or stroke.
    You’ll wait YEARS for me to change, or see the light.
    You keep my secrets and protect my lies.
    You clean up my messes and bail me out.
    You love me to the exclusion of EVERYONE else.
    But I'm not the only one who changed
    You're bitter and resentful.
    You hide from your friends and isolate.
    Your world revolves around one thing only… ME.
    But will your LOVE ever become greater than your FEAR? Would you be strong enough to reach out for help?
    Will you learn to say NO?
    Will you allow me to experience the consequences of my actions?
    Will you LOVE me enough to feel your guilt and stop enabling my addiction?
    I lay trapped with within the confines of this cold dark, serpent – addiction, and I am… dying.

    Lorelie Rozzano.
    www.jaggedlittleedges.com
     
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  2. okie girl

    okie girl Active Member

    This so true. Thanks for sharing
     
  3. mentalcase

    mentalcase New Member

    I heard in an Al-anon meeting that you can't have a relationship with someone in active addiction. They are obsessed with their drug and you are obsessed with them. Makes perfect sense to me. That's why it's so important to build our own lives and let them go. Hopefully they will come back to us.
     
  4. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    I finally cut my heroin addict daughter off and she just got clean and got my granddaughter back and has kept me from communicating with my granddaughter at all. This is my punishment. Even though she is clean and pregnant the addict behavior is still there. Just stole a few thousand from me by conning me and telling me she needed money to move close to me so we could spend time together etc. nope she wasn’t moving near me. This is her lying behavior even off the drugs.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sonetimes....not always.... The drugs come AFTER the mean behavior. What I mean by that is some people are born without much empathy. See my post on Watercooler about the brains of those with antisocial personality disorder... It explains the physiology of those without empathy. They actually lack certain brain function. They can use drugs but whether they do or dont they dont have a clue how people feel and they dont care. This, if your daughter fits in here, is not your fault.

    "Punishing" grandparents from seeing their grands that they were once very close to is a special sort of evil, yet it happens more than you know. Put "Estranged Stories" into your search engine and read the grandparent site. You wont feel alone. Not all these adult kids who did this use drugs. But they all use the grands as part of their estrangement. It is epademic. I peeked there for many reasons....my FOO estranged me on and off. And one child I adopted at six did not bond and estranged us fifteen years ago. But thankfully the estrangement was before grandkids and I can say with honesty I am over it. I can barely picture him anymore. Time takes care of almost all. Or it gets better with time.


    You do not have to provide for a mean or drug addicted or both adult child forever. Its not what is normally done. If she is angry, too bad. I am sorry about your sweet grand but perhaps daughter will screw up again and you can get custody.

    Wishing you strength and the ability to move on and remember the Serenity Prayer.

    God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change,
    The Courage to change the things I can,
    And the Wisdom to know the difference.
     
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    Last edited: Nov 8, 2018 at 10:53 AM
  6. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    She was tough before the drugs started at age 13. After the drugs started she became purely selfish and yes I spoiled her after her dad died. She has a way of playing the victim and making me feel bad for her. And she gets stressed out quickly. The drugs just made her evil. Now she is clean and still stole money and lied and manipulating me and keeping my granddaughter from me
     
  7. Growing

    Growing New Member

    Thank you.
     
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RN, I never read anything that was a better description of addiction. Thank you for sharing that.

    Jenna, our loved ones are still addicts even when they are sober. It is a mindset that has to change and often does with time and effort.

    There is something called a dry drunk which is exactly what you described. The addict behaviors continue even though the person is no longer using.

    Working through the 12-steps really helped my daughter but even now after almost three years sober she still sometimes falls back into addict thinking. She often recognizes it herself, now, or agrees after it is pointed out.

    Recovery is a long process.

    ~Kathy
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2018 at 7:08 PM
  9. Jenna0823

    Jenna0823 Member

    Thanks so much. I really hope she changes for her children’s sakes.
     
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My coworker gave this to me. She has not dealt with a loved one's addiction but she and her husband ran Celebrate Recovery at her church for many years. I admire her greatly.

    She and her husband actually took a man that was in recovery into their home for a year. He had been in prison. He had lost his wife and kids. This is many years ago and he is still sober and now has his wife back - they got remarried. What a wonderful story of how she helped change this man's life.

    Yes it hits the nail on the head and is painful to read for those of us to know that every word is true.
     
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, wow, wow. I looked at the site that RN posted and it is amazing. Every parent of an addict needs to read this article: I Love You to Death.

    http://jaggedlittleedges.com/2017/12/7550/

     
  12. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Wow. That article is spot on.
     
  13. CareTooMuch

    CareTooMuch Member

    Just read it and sent to husband after he said I shouldn't talk to ds about something now because he was high. I told him to stop making excuses for him. Yes, we are definitely enabling, I know it and it has gotten to the point that the only thing we're doing is giving ds a place to stay. We are not and will not pay for anything else and the free room will not be given for but so much longer.