The twisted thinking of my difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by susiestar, Apr 13, 2008.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While I can say my difficult child HAS thought processes, they certainly are not typical ones.

    difficult child is home tonight. He is spending tonight here letting his grandparents calm down. He is speaking about plans to move back here.

    I am surprisingly calm. Jess is very happy. thank you is happy. husband and I are worried about what difficult child was thinking, but we know he was honest with us.

    difficult child was caught stealing from his gpa today. From Gpa's wallet. If I had done that I would have been beaten to death. Gpa is older and more mellow, but asked us to have difficult child here tonight so that Gpa wouldn't kill him.

    Why did he do it??

    Because he is scared. Gpa was helping him with the mower and started wheezing just pulling the cord. difficult child says that if one of them "croaked", difficult child would be too much trouble for the other one to handle.

    This way he gets kicked out on his own terms.

    Such skewed thinking. It makes perfect sense when seen in the light of my difficult child. He will be here if he can't or won't stay there.

    I hope that whatever happens over the next few days my difficult child will end up knowing he is very much loved.

    Thanks for the prayers, juju, and good thoughts.

  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    A heaping helping of juju, lots of prayers, many hugs, and good thoughts coming your way.

    They are definitely wired different, our difficult children. And may be able to solve some of the world's biggest problems someday with their creative thinking.
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh boy Susie. Sending many hugs. This sounds so like something my son would do. Seriously. Just like it. Their thinking is so distorted.

    So what now? Gpa has been life changing for your difficult child. Things can not go backwards. Surely your parents know that.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is such the way our difficult children think-makes total sense to them. Sending gentle hugs and saying a prayer for your family.

    I love that you wrote this. It just warmed my heart and I know your difficult child will feel that love.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I have often been mind-boggled by the thought processes that come out of my difficult child head!

    I hope things work out with gpa, he is a positive influence.


  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sheesh Susie! difficult child's are notorious for sabotaging themselves. Seems your difficult child figured out a way to sabotage himself for his own gain.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Any movement by either Gpa or difficult child on this? You're right in that when seen from his eyes it makes sense. It's very sad that this is how he sees the world. Do you think he may be more depressed than usual? It would be great if he could recognize the errors in his way of thinking and work on that in particular.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    okay -

    I think "boy" is handing everyone a line of crapola to evade the real issue - HE STOLE. Stealing has nothing to do with Wheazing -

    And what happened to Do no harm to others? If he's going to follow that lifestyle he had better get with the program!!!!

    Otherwise his Aunti Star will be turning him into a toad!

    (ARGHHHHH the exaspiration in your post? I hear it!)

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My dad was up all night, upset over the betrayal. My mom is going to bring him here if he goes to her house after school. She is going to toss his room this afternoon.

    The story about the wheezing is a lie. It is what he thought of while he waited for us to pick him up.

    I really don't know what will happen. I will post more later.

    I am just so very sad. And yes, Star, exasperation is very much present.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have spoken with both of my parents. This is not hte first time he has stolen, just the first time he got caught. Several other times they had $$ missing but didn't confront him.

    My mom and dad have to work some things out between themselves before difficult child can go there. I THINK he is coming here after school. If he shows up there they will have him do yard work until I arrive.

    My dad is ready for him to come back. I know my mom needs to work some things out with him BEFORE difficult child goes there.

    I don't know if difficult child will go back there to live.

    I feel so awful that one of my children would and could do this. And that they other things he has done have resulted in lots of strain on my parents marriage. It really stinks.

    We have to figure out some consequence for this behavior. I think mowing my yard weekly and my parents yard weekly all summer is a good start. But just a start.

    I contacted the counsellor we love. She gave us an appointment for next Wed - it will be husband and I, maybe my parents also. She will NOT take difficult child on as a client, but she will treat the rest of us. difficult child simply would not respond to her.

    difficult child has a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow evening. My dad was going to take him. Now my husband will work at home for the day and take him to the doctor in the evening. I have plans - will post on watercooler.

    I am most likely going to have to go up to the high school and change difficult child's schedule for next year. He got a D in Algebra. My dad wanted him to take it at the Jr College. Why should we PAY $750 for him to take something he didn't pass in high school??? He CAN take it again, for free, at the high school. My parents had a disagreement over the scheduling, so my dad just overruled my mom on making difficult child take the class again.

    Well, with the way things are going, I will have to go up and assert my rights and overrule my parents. Mom wants me to. I will wait until after the counselling next week.

    Thanks for all the support. I love you all!!!

  11. Star*

    Star* call 911


    This has to be all so gut-knotting. I know the feeling well. I hope you can come up with something that works his fingers to the BONE. FOR A LONG LONG TIME -

    Pulling this crud on you guys - ARGH!!!!!

    Shaking child till teeth falls out is not illegal is it?

  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    What about shaking him until the money falls out of his pockets??? Upside down by his toes???
    Oh Susie this stinks... yes he needs to learn that these are the people that love him and have helped him... that care. We don't take, steal etc. From those that love us and do for us. It is such a hard thing to teach... I think even to easy child's. Entitlement... stupidity, impulsivity... I don't know. Yes hard work, something to teach a lesson? Someway to earn back trust.
    There is such a fine line between teaching our G'sfg that we are an open close sharing family, yet they can not just take things... they can not go into other peoples things...
    Good luck and hang in there