To my precious sister, H.

[Steely]

You infused me with your life,
Your presence illuminated my soul.
Your passion ignited my spirit,
Your tenacity forged my internal compass.
Your fierce indignation molded my integrity.

You have been my rock,
My island,
My cool November breeze.
You have been my energy,
My balance,
My confidant.

Your laughter has been my vitality,
Your love unconditional,
Your confidence my beacon.

Now as your indomitable spirit moves on,
Like that of a great bald eagle,
I know you will always be soaring above me,
guiding me towards the precipices of strength, peace, & happiness.

I love you H.
You will forever be my beloved little sister,
My best friend,
and the core and essence of my spirit.

(Read at her memorial 2/08.
Not a day goes by that I do not remember all you taught me about living life H. I love you. RIP.)

 

[mstang67chic]

HUGS Steely. That is beautiful.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, that's beautiful, Steely.
Thank you for sharing it.

 

[Steely]

Thank you guys. I have been having a hard day missing her, and truthfully I wrote that for her memorial and yet I have never looked at it again. I stored it away, because it was too painful. However, today, I went through my storage to find it - because I felt compelled to share it.

Toto and I have had this conversation about bald eagles and how where Matt is, there are bald eagles that migrate there in masses. When I went to admit Matt at this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) there was a beautiful hand drawn picture of a bald eagle in their living area - and I knew H was there - once again. I know her spirit has followed him everywhere he has been in the last 6 months, guiding him and protecting him.

I am having such a hard time lately feeling really understood by people. No one seems to know me as the whole person I am. They have all these pre-conceived ideas about me, and few of them are accurate. It is not something I consciously do - maybe I just have too many walls up. However, H., she knew me inside and out - every scar, every piece and shred of me. I miss that connection, in a deep, painful way. I pray to God someday I find it again with someone.

 

[bran155]

Oh Steely, I wish I knew of some magical words to say to take all of your pain away. I am so sorry. I can only imagine how devastating this is for you. There really is nothing like the bond between sisters. I would be absolutely lost without mine. I am sorry that you have to live in this pain. They say time heals. I can't imagine time healing the pain for you, but I am sure as time goes on it will get easier for you to live with. Your sister is with you always in spirit. You carry a piece of her in your heart. She is soaring over you, she is your guardian angel awaiting for your arrival. You will meet up with her, you will be united once again. You will one day share a set of wings and fly together. Until then keep her alive with your memories. Talk to her, I am sure she is listening. And I am sure she loves that beautiful poem.

(((HUGS))) Shawna

 

[Kjs]

That is so beautiful and touching. The info you also shared about the bald Eagle. Shawna, you said such beautiful things too.
Steely, I am so very sad you are hurting. I cannot imagine your pain. You and H sure sound like you had a great relationship. I am glad you have such good memories to think of. She is with you.

 

[rejectedmom]

((((((((((STEELY))))))))))) You are right H is always with you. -RM

 

[KTMom91]

Steely, the poem is beautiful. I believe that H is with you both. Sending many hugs.

 

[Wiped Out]

Beautiful poem!

 

[Star*]

Breathtaking!

If you wrote that? You REALLY need to find a job that lets your inner poet out.

 

[amazeofgrace]

<<<gentle hugs>>> those words are full of love and grace.

 

[Steely]

Thank you Star* - you are kind.
Yes I did write the poem.
It encompasses absolutely everything she was to me.

I am having a sorrowful week, trying desperately not to think about how one day, exactly a year ago, H. just slipped out of my life, forever - without me ever getting to say goodbye, or know by whom or how her life was taken.

Thank you for all of your prayers and strength.

 

[gcvmom]

Anniversaries like this one are always hard to get through. I hope you can take the inspiration that shines in that poem and harness it to get you through your grief. Hang in there...

(((((HUGS!)))))

 

[trinityroyal]

Sending many gentle hugs to you Steely.
I know that H is with you, and she will always be.

Trinity

 

[nvts]

It encompasses absolutely everything she was to me.

Steely: I'm so sorry you're going through this. I remember how everything was going on for you like it was yesterday. It's been a long and painful road that you've been traveling. On some days, it seemed like you'd never feel anything again, and on others - your euphoria was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

Know in your heart that you're now past that "year of firsts".

Please look at your poem (which was beautiful by the way) and make sure that you really really understand that what you've written about has nothing to do with her physically being with you. She's alive in your heart, your mind and your soul. Every one of the qualities that you spoke of is still with you. Granted, a hug would feel wonderful from the one person that knew you best - but her beauty will live within you forever.

We love you Steely - you're always in my prayers!

Beth

 

[totoro]

I think this says so much for all who have lost. It really is beautiful.

S- Your life is yours and no-one can ever understand what makes you feel sorrow, joy, happiness and true love.
You are entitled to your feelings and however you express them, come to terms with them lay them to rest or hold them dear. They are yours to have and there truly is no right or wrong.
You have come so far and traveled such a great road, don't ever sell your journey short.

 

[klmno]

That is very sweet and I'm glad you have those words written down. You have come a long way in this process- you are very strong.