Attempted extortion by my 60 year old sister

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by 4now, Oct 22, 2016.

  1. 4now

    4now Member

    My sister who is a few years older has always been aggressive and somewhat abrasive. She got pregnant as a teenager and kept the baby. She married and divorced then married a second time and seemed to have her life together. Went through treatment program had bought a house new car great job etc. then about 15 years ago got divorced and moved to the coast. About 7 years ago we went for a visit and feel in love with the area. About 4 years ago we decided to buy a second home there. We ended up purchasing a older home which need a little updating but was in a very nice area 3 miles from the water. We made an agreement with my sister and her boyfriend that since she was renting a place we would rent our 2nd home to her at a greatly reduced rent ( less than half) and she could manage the property and we could come and stay there a couple times a year. Long story short. It hasn't worked out as intended. The first year or two things were ok although she didn't really follow through with getting things looked after as much as we would like. Her boyfriend had a stroke and his children decided to put him in a nursing home since he needed more care than my sister was capable of giving while working full time. That seems to be when things really started going to heck. She started drinking and lost her job. At that point she got into arrears with her rent but we worked with her and she eventually got her old job back. Then in march she asked to borrow money to buy a used car. We didn't have the money to loan and I told her so. We've loaned her money several previous times and always had problems getting repaid. So when rent came around in April she posted to her FB account that I was going to be mad because she'd used her rent money to buy a car since we didn't loan her the money. When I confronted her it got really nasty and she started demanding repairs on the house and threatening code violations and turning us in as derelict landlords etc. even though she was behind 3 months plus on her rent. I got fed up and started eviction proceedings. We live over 1200 miles away so I had to wait for summer vacation before my husband and I could go out there again.

    Well after getting served with eviction papers she changed her tune and asked us for a second chance. Being the enabler I am I talked my husband into offering her a new lease and letting her pay an extra $50 a month on the past due rent. That was in may. We hired a contractor to fix some things around the house and had to have the Florida room rebuilt because of the lack of maintenance and leaks she hadn't dealt with. We ended up paying $15,000 in all getting things done.

    In July we went out to see the progress and visit and the day we arrived we were told she had lost her job again we were also informed she had a new roommate. Under the circumstances with her hostility and roommate we were unable to stay in our home and had to stay at a hotel racking up another $1000 cost. She said since she had a new lease she was a renter not a caretaker. It was shocking to see how bad things had progressed with her. She is 5'10 and weighed 96 pounds. She says it's stress but she is abusing alcohol and pain medication. She also smokes and her health is terrible. While we were there she was a paranoid mess. I never saw her eat a bite of food. Just drink and smoke. She couldn't even function to fill out the online form for unemployment and thought her old boss who fired her was hacking her computer to stop her from filing. She had to be escorted off the premises of her job when she got fired. I tried to reason with her but she was very defensive. Now things have turned nasty again and she is demanding everything under the sun including kitchen updates, etc. we had to take a home equity loan out on our house to make the repairs we already made so we told her no. The house is very live able but she has started the derelict landlord business again. Her roommate moved out after a month because my sister was so unreasonable I know she took out what retirement she had saved in her year back at her job and also started getting unemployment. However She also hasn't paid rent for October so we sent a 3 day pay or quit letter.

    This week we received a hateful email from her and to top it off she is now trying to extort my husband and me. We were totally floored by her claims

    Part of her email reads as follows:
    THIS IS THE CRUX OF MY EMAIL:

    It is very clear that you intend to evict me rather than work with me as a tenant or sister in law. Which is why I never bothered to give any explanation for the circumstances surrounding my inability to pay Oct rent in full on that day. Both you have made it VERY CLEAR that you do not care about the circumstances (which it is also stated in the written lease).

    With constant threats of eviction, your failure to follow through on your responsibility as a landlord and having to sign a lease that has illegal requirements included. I'm going to have to state something that I was hoping for over 3 years I would never have to bring up,because you are my family.

    **********************************************************

    JUST SO MY POSITION IS CLEAR, I am not leaving voluntarily. If you are unwilling to work with me then you will have to legally evict me. If you decide to proceed with the eviction process rather than working with me regarding my current circumstances and allowing me to catch up on past due rent.

    You will leave me no choice but to report both you for fraud and conspiracy to commit fraud to Wells Fargo and FHA regarding your mortgage loan. If guilty of those both of you can be criminally prosecuted, also Wells Fargo will call in the balance of the loan within 30 days or foreclose on the property.

    Be advised that I do have the evidence to provide showing both intent to commit fraud and that fraud was committed. I really do not want to proceed this way but feel like you have left me no other choice.

    If I do not have a written reply as to your intent of either evicting me or working with me by 10-24-16. I will follow through on reporting the fraud.


    Our answer was that we had never conspired or committed fraud and that she could contact whoever she pleases but the eviction is going through as planned. What a kick in the head. I can't believe she tried to extort us. According to the state statutes she has just committed a class 2 felony and since it was made by email online it is also a federal crime too. We are just done and want her out of our lives. I am so disgusted and ashamed that I wanted to give her a second chance. I feel like I never learn when it comes to my family and I am constantly amazed at the depths they will go to drag me down and stab me in the back after helping them. Sorry for such a long post but I had to vent.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2016
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Family can be so difficult. I honestly doubt that she is capable of making a coherent packet of evidence to prove her claims, much less that anyone would believe her. It might get ugly, but you are doing the right thing by evicting her. Giving in and 'working with her',meaning letting her slide on the rent, is just rewarding bad behavior. Don't do it!!

    I know how difficult family can be. Sometimes enough is just enough. I have a very difficult brother, who has his own challenges including a serious anger issue. He tortured me as a child/teen, and then he tried as an adult. Heck, if I wouldn't stay on the phone for his middle of the night calls, he would call the cops and tell them my husband was hurting me and to please hurry because hubby was armed. NOTHING was farther from the truth, and we have never had a gun in the house. After the 2nd time, the cops would just call to see if I had a problem when my bro would call them. They really hated his calls as much as I did.

    I urge you to PLEASE not give in and work with her. She clearly has problems, and needs to hit bottom to realize she has to change. Her accusations are simply her need to lash out and her paranoia. Drinking can cause HUGE paranoia in some people. it sure made my idiot brother's paranoia worse. There are plenty of places she can turn to for help, and plenty of resources out there so you do not need to support her or carry her any longer. You have helped her enough. Now is the time for you to enjoy your second home, and to get her out of it. She needs help, but she needs to find it on her own, without you. When she is able to make amends, you can consider helping her. But I would keep your business, and your homes, separate from her. VERY separate, meaning that she can pay to stay in a hotel near you if she wants to visit.

    I am sorry she is putting you through this. Stay strong and DO NOT give in. Evict her, and let her go do her own thing on her own dime. If you ever have more dimes than you know what to do with, STILL don't spend them on her. Spend them on YOU, take a trip, buy something you only dreamed of, whatever.
     
  3. 4now

    4now Member

    Wow, Susiestar, I can't believe your brother called the police on your husband like that. It amazes me the depths they will go to get what they want. Than you for your reply. I needed to hear that there are others who have dealt with things like this.

    Believe me, we are not worried about the fraud claims because it never happened,. It's just the fact that she has such a scorch the earth attitude. If she can't live in the home she wants to find a way that we can't have it either. I'm just angry at myself because I seem to always go too far with giving people the benefit of the doubt.

    There is no way in this world we would let her stay now. Her latest email was the last straw. We simply want her gone from our lives at this point. I don't wish her any ill but don't want any contact with her.
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My bro wasn't even in the same state, and the 'yelling' he heard, well when you call at 1 am and want to talk for 1-2 hours, my husband is snoring. If it wasn't so infuriating, it would have been funny. Esp as I married the man least likely to even THINK about raising a hand to me.

    Of course he was drunk at the time and didn't remember any of it the next day, so in his mind what was I upset about?

    I think that you are doing absolutely the only thing you can now. Get her out of your home and your life!
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    4now

    Don't feel bad about wanting to give her another chance before the final straw. That just means you are a good person.

    I agree. Evict!
     
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am only now seeing this thread. I agree with Susiestar and RN that you are doing exactly the right thing. Both of you have good hearts. You are not responsible for her bad behavior, which I too feel is criminal and cruel and vindictive in intent.
    Mine too. I just posted a new thread about something hurtful that happened today. It is too sad how we can still be vulnerable them when the patterns stay the same for decades and decades.
    Uh oh.
    Uh oh. Learning sure does not come cheap does it?
    Wow. How brazen.
    It sounds like Meth to me. That is where the lack of morality may come from, too.
    I would almost be tempted to report her crimes to the authorities. If she is addicted to drugs she will have a shot at rehabilitation if she is incarcerated. Overlooking this kind of harassment and threatening behavior, which I agree, is criminal, does not help her.

    Of course, do not listen to me. She is not my sister and I will not suffer the consequences of any action you take. But, wow. Just, wow.
    Absolutely, yes. You must evict her. I worry for you. She sounds dangerous. Not physically dangerous but out of control dangerous. She is completely unhinged. That is what scares me. I will go look now to see if you have posted more on other threads. I am so sorry.
     
  7. 4now

    4now Member

    It sounds like we have the same sister. I just don't understand people who choose to be mean and hateful. But life is too short and I'm not going to waste the rest of mine trying to have contact with people who want to drag me down to their level.
     
  8. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Would you believe my sister is an attorney? A law professor at that?

    Where does the hatred come from, 4now? In my case I think my sister seeks always to gain the advantage no matter, and justifies the means she uses to gain it. If another is able to protect themselves, she sees this as aggression against her and the other as a perpetrator. It sounds like this is what your sister does, too.

    These kinds of people are very dangerous.

    I am wondering what I will do next year. As Cedar wrote I can write again; my sister cannot define me or my actions and choices. However, what would I be seeking really, if I were to contact her again? What is there really to hope for?

    I ask myself if I did wrong, to help my mother seek legal help to minimize the damage to her that my sister could do. Or if I did help her, was I bound ethically to tell my sister first. I am guffawing here at the thought. My sister would have crushed us. I have no doubt of it.
    There had been already by this time concrete and serious actions my sister had taken against my mother--moving her from a hospital to a nursing home, without her knowledge and consent--when she had had mild diverticulitis. It so happened to coincide with the time the moving van to move my sister across country was arriving--how much easier to load my mother's furniture in as her own. Which I have no doubt was the plan.

    Which was illegal as I had joint capacity to make care decisions and estate decisions, and I had not been advised so as to protect either my mother or myself.

    That was when the truly overt hostility began. Because I called my mother and told her she could leave the nursing home, and so she did. She had 2 more years of independence in her own home, as a consequence, and lived fully during much of that period.

    Those were my crimes.

    No matter how much the events recede in time, they are so fresh. How could there be such hurts so deep? When you know.
     
  9. 4now

    4now Member

    Well my sister was served with a summons for eviction last week and now I am receiving messenger texts from her friend telling me how reprehensible I am that I would kick my sister to the curb like that. Of course she hasn't seen my sister in over 15 years and only knows what my sister tells her but it still makes me feel bad about the situation. I feel like we have no choice but to evict and we have tried to work things out but can't help someone who doesn't accept responsibility.

    My sister is like my D.C. She is always the victim and accepts no responsibility for her actions in what led up to this eviction. I have helped my entire family and have just recently realized that I have no value to them unless they are getting something, money, housing, help of some kind. I don't count to them (brother, sister, nephew) unless they need something. If I dare say no I am a heartless witch with no empathy and no morals. My husband and I have taken in every member of my family over the years due to different circumstances. But now that we say no, we are heartless no good people. It is very apparent that I have never been any more than a soft place to land. Realizing that just hurts, but I have decided to place my focus and attention to the people in my life who value their relationship with me because of who I am, rather than what I can provide.

    My parents have been gone for a long time. Both died fairly young due to lifestyle choices like drinking and smoking and now watching by sister, brother and nephew choosing the same has been heartbreaking. I have watched helplessly while they make bad decisions, but they all expect me to be the one who rescues them from the consequences of their actions. Now that I am standing up for myself, they are angry. None of them have been self supporting or have saved anything that they've earned and are resentful because my husband and I have worked hard and saved our money toward tangible property instead of spending it on drugs, cigarettes and alcohol.

    When my dad died almost 17 years ago he left a small rundown house and no money having been on disability for years after being unable to work. Neither my older sister nor brother wanted to be executors or be responsible for dealing with estate matters. Dad had taken out a reverse mortgage on his house to live on and at his death he owed more than we were able to get because of the lack of updates and size of the property. My brother had lived at home his whole life except when he was in jail, and thought he should get the house. Problem was that he had all worked under the table and never filed taxes and couldn't get a loan

    My sister had her own place plus a rental property her husbands mother gave them and wanted nothing to do with any of the estate. Our options were to sell it for less than owed, let the bank repossess the house or One of us purchase the property for the loan amount. Of course I was the only one financially able and willing to purchase the property. Now 17 years later history is being rewritten and I stole their inheritance. My husband and I were also the only ones that stepped up and payed for my Dad's funeral also. But now my sister is claiming she paid for his funeral. I'm so tired of the lies, drama and hatefulness. My sister is now threatening to sue me for stealing her share of the inheritance. Apparently I was supposed to take all the financial risks, buy, fix up the property and then when I sold it divvy up the proceeds even though she had nothing to do with the property.

    I am so tired of this stuff and it boggles my mind how any sane person could say such things let alone believe them.

    Sorry for the long rant but my life feels like I've only been valuable if I can be used and manipulated. Thank God for my loving husband and my youngest son and family. I am blessed to have them lovingly and faithfully in my life with normal and stable relationships. I need to just spend my time and efforts on the people who truly want a relationship with me and not want me for whatever they can gain from me.
     
  10. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Well, our sisters are clones. While the specifics are different, the themes are the same. My sister blames me for everything surrounding my mother's death. Etcetera.

    We are always going to be the only ones responsible for their own errors, and occasional regret. There has to always be somebody to blame. Never holding themselves accountable. You know the drill. Let it go, if you can. It is not about you. Really. You deserved better and more than you got from your family. You have it now. Try hard not to give up one precious moment of happiness, well-being, contentment--because of the past, that is bleeding into the present.

    Your sister is a pitiful and spiteful grown child. Let her say and do what ever she wants. Just not to you. And just not in your house or close to you.
    You know after my Mom died I wanted to buy her house. My mother's estate attorney (now my own) urged me not to do it. In the 3 years had I held onto the house I would have made a lot of money. Hearing your story makes me glad I did not buy it.
    See what I mean? And my sister is an attorney.

    Take care. Let it all go. You did the right thing, the only thing a responsible and ethical person would have done. Let it go.
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Do not please let your sister tell you who and what you are. Deep inside, you know what you did and who you are. Your sister is changing reality to make you feel bad. This is called gas lighting ,(,,look it up) then do what your intuition tells you to do and try not to listen to what others say.

    Having a loving husband and son are blessings that in my opinion Trump's anything an angry, emotionally challenged sister can do or say. in my opinion focus on your rich blessings.

    Love and hugs.
     
  12. 4now

    4now Member

    Thank you both. I know these things but part of me still hopes for those family relationships. It helps to come here and have rational people who have had similar experiences validate my thoughts. I need to control my stress. I just got back from Urgent care and have a case of Shingles. Probably brought on by stress. It is very painful and not something I'd wish on anyone. I'm going to let go and let things be. No contact with my difficult family is actually a blessing right now.
     
  13. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I know.
    Your body is telling you: This is too much. Listen to your body. Then you will know what you do.

    Right now the relationship you and I are working on is the relationship with ourselves. Honor. Respect. Care. Purpose. Meaning. Listening. Return. Consistency. Nurture.

    I will try if you will.
     
  14. 4now

    4now Member

    Copa and Somewhere you are both so wise. I need to remember that other people's opinions don't tell me who I am, I get to choose who I want to be by MY choices and actions.