Triple Whammy!

Hi Everyone,

It‘s been a while since I last wrote. Adult daughter has her own place and is a mother of a 2 year old now. I put her out along with my granddaughter in December of 2021 after another bad blowout between us. She was being disrespectful, having tantrums, slamming doors, not cleaning, smoking weed and the whole nine. She humbled herself enough after 3 weeks of being homeless to come back and stay for a month and with my help and money, she moved into her own place in Feb 2022. Oh joy… oh no!

I paid the application fee, deposit and then the rent for the next 3-4 months. She let her then boyfriend move in and was able to 3 or 4 months with him. She put him out and then start asking me for help with rent again. She never has anything on the rent so my help means pay it all. She was able to get rental assistance from the state for 3 months until her lease was up then it was back to the Mommy ATM again until I finally said no more.

Why no more… well during this year and half of her having her own place, she will not get a full time job. She is set on keeping her food stamp benefits which won’t allow her to earn over $1888 a month. So she doesn’t earn enough to pay her utilities, car insurance, credit card,, phone bill and rent and whatever other bills she has that I don’t know about. She uses her daughter going to early head start as her excuse for only working 8 days out of the month at a laundromat cleaning lint trays and sweeping keeping things tidy.

I’ve given her over $15k since January 2022 for bills, gas money, car repairs, diaper money and most of all rent plus late fees and eviction fees from the rotten, money hungry witch she‘s renting from. When I give her money she’s never thankful, expects it and still disrespects me to no end whenever I question her about her finances or tell her that she needs to get a full time job! It’s always and argument then she will say I can’t see the baby and no contact… UNTIL SHE NEEDS MONEY AGAIN! Nothing I do is ever enough.

This cycle has been going on since she’s has got her own place and beyond. She needed more rent money plus all the fees associated with getting another eviction notice for June after I had just given her 2K for unpaid rent and late fees for April and May. So I’m officially done. She’s bleeding me dry and enough is enough. If I keep helping her the cycle will never end. She just turned 28 and I have enabled her to no end especially now that she has a 2 year old daughter that she uses to manipulate and guilt trip me to get money and for me to fix her life and bad decisions. I officially cut her off the money train May 1st. I dont respond to her text message pleas and if I respond to anything it’s only one or two word responses. She keeps asking for help with the rent and for food. And continues to hint around that she wants to move back home. Coming back home is not an option esp since shes threatened to fight me. I’m done.

The triple whammy… She is going to be evicted. She is pregnant and hasn’t told me and she’s 5 months and she is supposedly having twins! Found this out from my granddaughter‘s teachers. She has asked me to keep my granddaughter while she figures out what do do after she gets evicted. I don’t want my granddaughter sleeping in the car homeless, so I will take care of her until she gets it together, if ever. If I have to end up raising my granddaughter then I will.

I’m in shock and have no words. I was really starting feel guilty for cutting her off and still want to fix it and help her but if I want to keep my sanity, my finances intact and for her to go thru this journey of her choosing, I have to step off and let her go thru this no matter what it looks like or the continual stress and never ending drama she causes will cause me to have a mental breakdown. I’ve cried for two weeks and have anxiety about her getting evicted and being homeless but I can’t want more for her than she wants for herself. She could have gone to college and be well into a career making decent money but she didn’t want that and chooses to struggle, make bad decisions and constantly come to me to fix it financially. The last thing she needs is two more babies but I have no control over that either.

I‘m tired. I’m worn out. And I’m done. I just have to stay strong, stay the course and completely give her to God. Any words of wisdom and insight are welcome. Prayers for strength needed.

~Skool Teacher


Well-Known Member
I think it’s sad and unfair when mom or dad try to keep the grandparents from seeing their own grandchildren. Basically, your relationship with your granddaughter comes at a price. It’s very kind and generous for you to step in and be her legal guardian is necessary. Your love for your granddaughter really shows.
No matter how bad it feels inside or how much is goes against your motherly instinct, you are doing the right thing by cutting off the money train. Give some kindness to yourself, you've been through so much that you did not create or deserve. The thing I resent the most from this journey is that I followed all of the rules and my child, who had a wonderful upbringing, chose not to, but yet the moms have to suffer physically, mentally and emotionally. You clearly care and love your grandchild. Your daughter, if the pregnancy story is true, is going to have to come to some realizations pretty quickly. If you let her in, she will use the twins as the excuse to stay home for the rest of your life while you support all four of them. Where is the Dad in all of this? She needs court-ordered child support and a full time job. You didn't cause this, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Find a naranon meeting online (they are anonymous) and it doesn't even have to be with people in your area. They help tremendously. There's an entire community of moms going through similar situations as we all are going through. Keep a journal but tear up the pages and flush down the toilet or burn so that no one will e er read it. Do it daily pray or meditate - just give your brain time to rest. You put the offer on the table for your granddaughter but just be careful as you will need to have strict boundaries in place as she will try to get in the door as well. Stay strong, find a naranon meeting, know you are doing the right thing and be kind tn your self ❤️


Well-Known Member
Staff member
Totally agree that you were wise to cut off the money train. This is important. And it certainly doesn’t sound like she should live with you. Certainly sounds like much entitlement and reality is not at play.

Very sad that she is expecting again. A blessing you are willing to take care of your grandchild. Agree with the others about strict boundaries. And possibly giving her a bit of guidance re child support.

I know it may sound VERY strange, even funny…but you might consider for the future paying her to take birth control. It sounds “far out” but she has demonstrated many issues with self control. You won’t be giving her money for “things” and this does blur the line a bit…but the consequences of not using birth control are just too steep for ALL . It’s the one exception you might consider.

With the exceptions needed due to circumstances like your grandchild…I would disengage as much as possible.

Consider checking out various “Anonymous” meetings for possible support like Families Anonymous. Or private counseling even for the short term. This struggle you’ve reported is extremely hard.
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