Today I looked in the mirror...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Lost in sadness, Nov 16, 2017.

  1. Lost in sadness

    Lost in sadness Active Member

    and I noticed something staring back, someone who looks grey, with red eyes from crying, tired.....old. Where have I gone? Caught in the pain and churning of the situation I realised I am doing nothing with my life. Somehow I am down to just working one day a week and I even dread that. Otherwise I come home after the school run, sort the house and then spend the day sitting on my bed, checking my phone, messenger, whatever it may be to see where my sons life is on any given day.

    How has it got to this? How do I stop the pain, move on..

    To think, a few weeks ago I came back to this site after a 3 month break with what I thought was good news and here I am and everything has changed.

    I went to court with him, he was lucky and let off with a fine and conditional discharge. I spent the day with him, we argued all day. He is so agitated and sensitive. He cannot get a bank loan and he is up to his eyeballs in debt. The rent will be due again tomorrow and I know he has no means of paying it or anywhere else to go for money. He also promised the court the fine would be paid on the day. That was yesterday. I took him to get food and he started being rude to me so I took him home with nothing.

    So, as I ponder the situation today, he has no job, no money, no food and nothing in sight. I asked his friend if he went to work today for his last day and he said no. I can see he has not been online for 13hours so I kept ringing him. In the end he texts me asking if I am ok as he is at work. What a liar!! I am furious! I don't really need to ask you all what I should do because I know the answer. It just isn't the answer I want to hear. It is so painful I can barely breath. Crying is a release, writing this is theraputic but where does it end. SO SO sad today. :(
     
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Lost
    I am right in your boots. In the same frame of mind.
    Knowing and doing are two different things. Seeing how things are vs the burning desire of what we wish they were and ought to be; cognitive dissonance as Copa put it. It is draining and yes tears are the safely valve to the soul.

    I have no answers, just know you are not alone. Writing does indeed help.
     
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  3. Lou lou

    Lou lou New Member