Trying not to panic

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Mar 20, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I'm having a really hard time keeping my anxiety in check. Some days are better than others but last night was bad enough that I had to take a Xanax to calm down. I only do that in extreme situations but last night I had to!

    So my fear is that difficult child will have to leave the temp shelter and there will be no other housing available and he'll be out in the cold on the streets. The temp shelter supposedly only houses them for 7 nights but the caseworker told me they can stay longer. Hopefully that's true bc it's been 7 nights already. So no - this particular situation hasn't even happened yet but yes - I'm totally stressing out about the possibility of it happening.

    I'm still anxious today. Stomach is killing me (I've lost 10 lbs in ONE WEEK due to stress) and I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. I'm going to make some more calls on his behalf today but I can't let this take over my life again. Easier said than done!
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That kind of stress feels terrible. I am soooo sorry.
    If he's not been kicked out he's probably following rules so hopefully that means they're helping make arrangements for the next step.
    Just a guess, but they probably don't like to see people on the streets either.

    Do you have a therapist? I know that won't make the situation change but that, and the groups and meetings people here recommend could help you to deal with the what ifs.

    I'm sure you know all that. Sorry, not much help. Just know I care and have you in my thoughts.....hug
  3. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Most of us here I known that kind of anxiety at one time or another. Buddy is right that they are probably making every effort to help him to transition to a safe place.

    Have you ever checked out a Families Anonymous group? I have been attending meetings fairly regularly since summer, and the group has really helped me to focus on my OWN sanity. I still worry about my difficult child, believe me, but I am better at slowing down the mind movies of what might be around the corner.

    Hang in there.
  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    It helped me to say the Serenity Prayer, over and over and over again, until I got it. This was an especially helpful technique when I would awaken at night, and would not be able to stop picturing all the horrible things that might be happening. One of our moderators here, Suz, suggested this to me years ago and I still use it. At the time, I thought: "Well, of COURSE I know the Serenity Prayer."

    But the trick, as Suz taught me, is to REPEAT IT UNTIL YOU GET IT.

    You will feel it, when it begins to work.

    Sending you strength.



    This is something that always helped me too, now that I think about it. I was telling someone about the horror I was living through because of where my child was. This person said: If (child's name) was not happy doing what he is doing, he would change it.

    This was so simple, but so obviously true. I found comfort, there.

    And do you know what? It turned out to be absolutely true.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As Dash mentioned, most of us have felt that kind of anxiety, it's so difficult to keep fear at bay when it comes to our difficult child's. We get used to waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, your fears certainly may come to fruition, but they also may not. I know it's really hard, but try to stay right here in this present moment where it's really all okay, he is still at the shelter. As you have done many times in the past, if things go awry, you can handle it, but at this moment, they haven't, so your worry is premature. As I've gotten older I realize how many moments of my life were lost to worrying about things that never actually happened. Sigh. So, listen to this voice of experience and take a deep breath, look around, recognize that right now, it's all okay. If that changes at some point, you will leap into action and deal with it, but you don't have to panic right now.

    Try to breathe into the area of your stomach which is hurting, we tend to shallow breathe when we are afraid, so if you do deep breathing with the intent to bring the breath into the stomach area, you can release some of that anxiety from your body.

    The things that helped me the most to combat anxiety are acupuncture which is a terrific stress reducer, yoga, meditation, exercise, talking about my fears with someone who really listened (usually a therapist) and as you've just done, writing them down. An exercise which may help is to write down every single fear you have about this situation, look at it, decide to let them go and then burn the piece of paper. If you can get outside today and walk, that would be helpful too. Try to trick your mind into getting off the fear track which is where it's presently stuck....... and do the deep breathing, that will help with your anxiety as well as the stomach ache, fear hides in the belly. Sending you peaceful vibes and big hugs...........
  6. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I'm a little better today. Not as much in a panic as I was yesterday but yes, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm totally on edge and I hate it. I worry than difficult child will just show up here again like last time. I have a hard time relaxing and going to sleep at night because of it. I kept waking up last night thinking I heard someone knocking. I'm not scared of him as much as I used to be but he can't just show up here and he can't stay here. At all. It's sad but it's a fact.

    I talked to the MHA yesterday and they assured me he can stay at the temp shelter for 30 days while he waits for placement in the Safe Haven shelter. They seem to think it won't take that long though. Also my oldest and dearest BFF, who supervises a group home for mentally ill young adults, told me that if he gets kicked out of the shelter that the office of temp assistance would problem put him up in a motel while he waits for an opening at the other shelter. She's had clients in a similar situation and that's what happened. So I guess that makes me feel a wee bit better.

    difficult child started his lithium and Wellbutrin on Tues and he's miserably tired. That worries me. Tired and cranky difficult child = disaster. So I'm scared he'll do something and mess everything up. Uggggh!

    Things were going so well! He was in PA and almost settled and I was finally -finally!!!- starting to relax and now it's back to this. I wish I could run away.
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2013