Trying to find my way

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Hi all,

    **I slightly changed my username...just FYI**

    I'm trying to find my way in the new reality here. Spent some time cleaning out difficult child's room. Part of me is angry at him. Part of me feels sorry for him. Neither part has contacted him nor heard from him since I dropped him off at the sober house on Friday. All parts agree he is a rude and selfish - and has much to learn.

    I'm certain I will hear from him soon - cause he will want something. Sigh...

    It is a struggle to decide what to keep and what to pass on. Will these be things he needs later? I can't expect him to take everything now. But I can slowly move things into a spare closet and work towards turning his room into a spare room.

    As a side note....I had a consult with a dietician last week. I'm going to improve my eating and exercise. I go back next week to get test results and discuss what's next. They actually have someone who will help me learn to weight train and design a plan for me. There is a behaviorist on staff who does weekly classes. The hard part is this place is where difficult child is - two hours away but it is a marvelous place.

    I'm excited but a bit fearful I might not be able to stick with it. From that standpoint, I understand what difficult child is facing...know what I mean? It's something I could just buy a few Lean Cuisines and walk more - do it on my own - but after everything that has been happening, part of me says I deserve to put myself first and get all the support I can find.

    Am thinking of moving my clothes which are too small into difficult child's old closet as an incentive. Plus that room has some floor space and a tv so I can easily do yoga there. Trying to turn negatives into positives.

    It's one step forward, sometimes two....but without him around, I find myself taking far fewer steps backward.
    Lasted edited by : Aug 13, 2012
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Good for you. If you keep moving with purpose you won't get stuck. The weight training and behaviorist thing is great, but 2 hours away is not so great. You can do it, though.
  3. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    The weight training and behaviorist sends like a great plan but will it bother you that it is where difficult child is?
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I had changed difficult child's old room to a guest room, then it was an office but I prefer to work downstairs in the dining room so now it is an exercise room. I have a treadmill, glider and TV up there. I LOVE it!!! I start my day off every day doing a half hour on the treadmill watching the news. Next week I am upping it to 45 minutes. :) Time to focus on ME. :)

    Good for you!!!! Let's do this!! :D
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I noticed your name change right away but didn't want to say anything in case you were hiding. At fist I thought I was going crazy and went back to some of your earlier posts to make sure you were the same person.

    When it was pretty clear that difficult child was moved out for good I cleaned out her room from all the junk, dirt, leftover drug stuff, clutter, etc. But I left a lot of her clothes and shoes and trinkets around. Then I took all the posters off the wall and threw/gave away a bunch of stuff I didn't want hanging around. That made me feel good to have the walls looking good again. Then I really went through all the clothes and got rid of all the stuff I knew she wouldn't wear or I didn't want her to have, you know the trashy stuff. I was on a roll and I patched all the holes and painted her room, just about 6 months ago. I bought a new comforter for the bed and put some serene pics on the wall and a comfy chair and the transformation is complete. It was a process and took about a year to complete but I did it in the stages that felt right to me. I hung onto the memories as long as I could and then finally put them al to rest, knowing she would never be back and I needed to start fresh.

    The room is now a nice comfortable guest room and has been used several times and I feel good about it. I even go and sit in here at times and just think and I can do it without tears or panic.

    As far as taking steps to feel better yourself I say go ahead and go all out. The two hour drive is a bit far and I'm not sure I could do that but I did join our ymca and have taken steps to take care of myself now. I have a whole new attitude about things and I know I deserve to feel good again and I'm determined to do that.

    So whatever steps you take I applaud you, you are the most important person and you deserve this.

  6. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    PG and Nancy...thanks for your thoughts. Cleaning out his room is both a process and a grieving.

    Hope it is okay to share pictures. I did everything myself on a shoestring with the help of IKEA and Ebay. Plus, I had a friend who gave me a tons of free basketball tickets over the years.

    I'm proud of it and incredibly sad it needs to go.

    Room1.jpg Room2.jpg Room3.jpg
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Nah....he isn't that close. Not telling him a thing. :-X
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I think it is awesome. I am waiting for the day that I can get rid of all the male paraphenalia and the teenage boy smell. I will have two spare rooms.

    Good for you getting a nutitionist and weight trainer. I would not mind the two hour trip. You can listen to your music or inspirational cd's or just think your own thoughts.

    You truly are my new hero!
  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Oh, AG, I just saw the pictures. They're phenominal - what a room! All I can say is if I were a young man, I'd be so grateful to have a room like that and a mom like you. :sigh:
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's an awesome room and you are so talented. I will never understand how our difficult child's can want alcohol/drugs more than the comforts of home. I can see why you are incredibly sad to let it go but it's time you make the room into an awesome AG room.

    I want to see pictures of the finished project.

  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Big step forward, AG. I went thru the process twice, ugh. Now I have a spare room for company but it sure isn't as sharp looking as yours, lol. Great job. DDD
  12. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member


    P.S. Can my husband rent that room? That is SO seriously right up his alley!
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I turned my difficult child's room into a sitting,reading sewing room. It really helped get he negative pictures of him abusing me and my home out of my mind. Now i is a restfull pretty and serene place to sit and read a book or sew something special for my grandkids or my home. (((HUGS))) to you I totally understand the mix of emotions that you are experiencing. -RM
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Your son's former room was very well done, you did such a good job. I am very happy that you made it into a room that now serves YOU, this is a very good thing. (((HUGS)))