Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
Hi NOLA. Thanks for the update. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing as us. I hope that you/we're able to find a path through the mess your/our kids have made of their lives.
And by the way, I don't consider bayouland the "third world", regardless of what some storm may have done. I was born and raised in the big red stick, and I, live, breath, and bleed purple and gold!
And now, time for the next episode of "As the WeedWhacker Turns..."
Yesterday evening, McWeedy was gone and not answering his phone (as usual). Called wife, asked if she'd heard from him. No? Okay, I'm trying one more time, then I'm cutting off service. "Wait, let me try texting him". Okay. 10 minutes later, no reply from wife, so I call back. Her tone was either mad or defeated, but she said she couldn't get a response. "I'm cutting off service". "Okay, but you know this starts the war".
?? I thought it had already started. Starting to get a bad feeling about this, but I finally press on. Call McWeedy one more time while logged into the phone company website. If McWeedy doesn't answer, I push the button and his phone dies. But surprisingly, he DOES answer. I read him the riot act for disappearing all day. "But Dad, I was in the pool and just checked my phone". A lie, because I could see the calls going in and out of his phone just an hour earlier, and wife had been trying for nearly three hours to get him on the phone. I tell him to call his Mom, thinking she'd handle it.
Instead, she puts me out as the heavy. "You're about to push your Dad over the edge. He's going to take your car AND your phone - if his BiPolar (BP) doesn't cause him to have a stroke before then. All we ask is that you stay in contact. Is that so hard?" Yeah, right. That will work.
When I got home, Dancer had two friends sleeping over, and wife had been working hard all day to redecorate Sarge's room while he's across the western pond. PotMonster, of course, wasn't home, and the remaining family unit seemed okay with that. So I tried to practice "detachment", as best as I could. That meant not bringing up McWeedy in conversations, not outwardly stewing over the seething anger and resentment I can't seem to jettison, and actively trying to participate in the activities of the others.
That worked out okay. Not my usual, bubbly self, but okay. McWeedy and Weedette show up a bit later - wife had called him to come home and help move furniture. Since the good cop/bad cop roles had flipped again, and she was the good cop, I guess he didn't mind doing what she wanted. Around 9:30, he and his girlfriend hit the door, and I find out from wife that "they're going out for ice cream, then to a friends house to swim. They'll be home by 11:30". I'm a bit upset, because after today's episode, I would have expected something a bit harsher - NOT extending his curfew by 30 minutes. But I hold off, intending to talk it over with wife later (i.e. away from Dancer and her friends).
But I was really, really mad. Yet another night lost where I was going to try and give McWeedy some stark choices to make. wife is also acting funny. Didn't come out and say it, but is now definitely giving off the vibe that she doesn't want to confront him, and that he's "really not doing anything worse than he did before. Why am I now overreacting?"
:hammer:
Stupified doesn't begin to describe my reaction. But then again, I guess I understand it. wife wants peace in her house. She's come to terms with McWeedy, and I guess is willing to let things ride as long as they don't get any worse to preserve peace for the other two kids in the house.
I'm now visibly and emotionally upset, but I'm also too tired to deal with it any more since I haven't gotten more than 5 hours sleep for a week because of my darling little pothead. So I decided to deal with it tomorrow (today) after finally getting some rest. I go to bed to read and wait for McWeedy to get home.
Care to guess what comes next?
11:30 comes around. Hmmm, no McWeedy. wife glares at me, daring me with her eyes to start "ranting", so I wait. 11:45 rolls around, I start calling, and no surprise, he's not answering. Midnight rolls around, and I'm now in full combat mode, and wife is desperately trying to keep me under control so I don't "ruin Dancer's sleepover". Out the door I go, circling through all the local pothead haunts including Hookah Heaven. No McWeedy. I call Weedette, only to find that they never went for ice cream. He dropped her off as soon as he left my house at 9:45.
Strike one.
Then I call his friend's mother at midnight, asking if McWeedy was over there, or had been there recently. "No, not since this afternoon. I just locked up the pool a few hours ago. My son is out with a friend and is due back at 1am. Maybe call him?" So he never went over to the friends house to go swimming, and never let us know his plans had "changed" (more likely, his plans were going ahead just as he meant them to).
Strike two.
Finally called his friend's phone and get Potmonster on the line about 12:15am. Says he's out with "friends". "What time is it son?". "12:15, Dad". "What time were you supposed to be home?". "Oh, 11:30. I forgot."
:grrr:
"Why haven't you been answering your phone?". "I left it in my car". "How convenient for you. If it's in your car, and you're NOT in your car, you don't have to answer it. Seems to be your new modis operandi, doesn't it? Only, after this afternoon, I would have thought you understood that leaving your phone behind when you're out is NOT an option - EVER!"
Strike three, he's OUT!
"You need to get home NOW!" I bellow. "But Dad, I don't know where I am. I'm in xxxx's car, and I have to wait for him to drive me back to xxxx before I can get home". "Okay, you do that, Son. Haul your skinny rear home as fast as you legally can".
12:45, and he finally walks through the door. wife is "shusshing" me, and I keep my voice down. But I'm done. There must be consequences. However, since I suddenly find myself at odds with wife, I throw down the worst thing I can think of that she'll support. Grounded from the car through the weekend. He can take it to/from work, but that's it. Curfew is now 10pm through Sunday, weekend or no. Don't answer the phone again, and it gets shut off. As it is, I'm probably going to take the nice, new mp3/camera phone away and give him the old ghetto backup phone my daughter blinged out with rhinestones and sticky pictures of dalmations.
I also told him that this was only temporary, and to expect more permanent changes. If he was going to act like a stranger in my house, he had no right to any of the benefits of family membership. wife is glaring but silent. "First, you better start working your duff off, because if your car isn't paid off by your birthday you may lose it. Second, you may want to look at Cricket or a Cingular Go phone, since I'm not going to help you with a phone if you won't answer it. Finally, your girlfriend can no longer stay over here past your curfew for any reason, regardless of what her curfew might be."
Then, I finally let loose with what I really wanted him to hear. "I'm sick of you. I'm looking at you, I see the physical body of my son, but I'm looking into the eyes of a stranger. You lie at every turn, and manipulate every person around you without remorse. You continue to do things that are harmful to yourself, even though you know what the consequences could be. You continue to hurt the ones who love you, then blame us for "caring too much". You have no respect for the family, it's members, or the rules that keep us intact and functional. Yet you demand all the benefits of living here".
<long tirade followed, but omitted for brevity :wink: >.
When done, told him to get out of my bedroom, and start preparing to make his own way through life. wife's only comment is "that's a stupid thing to say", then rolls over and goes to sleep.
Yes, I know, more words, but it was the best I could do without wife's backing. I think it's going to take a few more episodes like this before we stop flip/flopping on the good cop/bad cop roles, and finally both end up as the bad cop. But I'm putting the wood do his butt as best as I can. I'm done trying, and will never be taken in by his BS again. I also have no doubt that McWeedy will eventually find some way to hurt his Mom so much that she swings back into that mode as well. Just not now.
On McWeedy's Facebook site, under "religion" he lists "God hates me". I'm starting to think the same thing about myself. Not really, but isn't karma supposed to flow in positive directions as well as negative ones?
On another front, I'm supposed to hear back from the docs at the medical study about what they propose for addressing the substance abuse issue. Can't wait for that little tidbit of wisdom. I'll take whatever help I can get, but from a triage standpoint, they're talking about curing cancer while the patient is dying from blood loss. I've got to deal with the immediate issues, and I don't have the support I thought I had.
Yet another day. And another surprise. I'm used to them now, and they don't hurt so bad when you're sleep-deprived.
Guess I'll post more when I have more, for you folks who are following the soap opera. At this point, I'm blogging out my nutty life here on CD to keep my sanity, since writing is about the only cathartic activity I have left that helps. Otherwise, I'd become completely consumed, overwhelmed, and probably end up without a job or family.
So I'll continue to write. It's the only thing that helps. Hope you good folks will bear with me.
Mikey
And by the way, I don't consider bayouland the "third world", regardless of what some storm may have done. I was born and raised in the big red stick, and I, live, breath, and bleed purple and gold!
And now, time for the next episode of "As the WeedWhacker Turns..."
Yesterday evening, McWeedy was gone and not answering his phone (as usual). Called wife, asked if she'd heard from him. No? Okay, I'm trying one more time, then I'm cutting off service. "Wait, let me try texting him". Okay. 10 minutes later, no reply from wife, so I call back. Her tone was either mad or defeated, but she said she couldn't get a response. "I'm cutting off service". "Okay, but you know this starts the war".
?? I thought it had already started. Starting to get a bad feeling about this, but I finally press on. Call McWeedy one more time while logged into the phone company website. If McWeedy doesn't answer, I push the button and his phone dies. But surprisingly, he DOES answer. I read him the riot act for disappearing all day. "But Dad, I was in the pool and just checked my phone". A lie, because I could see the calls going in and out of his phone just an hour earlier, and wife had been trying for nearly three hours to get him on the phone. I tell him to call his Mom, thinking she'd handle it.
Instead, she puts me out as the heavy. "You're about to push your Dad over the edge. He's going to take your car AND your phone - if his BiPolar (BP) doesn't cause him to have a stroke before then. All we ask is that you stay in contact. Is that so hard?" Yeah, right. That will work.
When I got home, Dancer had two friends sleeping over, and wife had been working hard all day to redecorate Sarge's room while he's across the western pond. PotMonster, of course, wasn't home, and the remaining family unit seemed okay with that. So I tried to practice "detachment", as best as I could. That meant not bringing up McWeedy in conversations, not outwardly stewing over the seething anger and resentment I can't seem to jettison, and actively trying to participate in the activities of the others.
That worked out okay. Not my usual, bubbly self, but okay. McWeedy and Weedette show up a bit later - wife had called him to come home and help move furniture. Since the good cop/bad cop roles had flipped again, and she was the good cop, I guess he didn't mind doing what she wanted. Around 9:30, he and his girlfriend hit the door, and I find out from wife that "they're going out for ice cream, then to a friends house to swim. They'll be home by 11:30". I'm a bit upset, because after today's episode, I would have expected something a bit harsher - NOT extending his curfew by 30 minutes. But I hold off, intending to talk it over with wife later (i.e. away from Dancer and her friends).
But I was really, really mad. Yet another night lost where I was going to try and give McWeedy some stark choices to make. wife is also acting funny. Didn't come out and say it, but is now definitely giving off the vibe that she doesn't want to confront him, and that he's "really not doing anything worse than he did before. Why am I now overreacting?"
:hammer:
Stupified doesn't begin to describe my reaction. But then again, I guess I understand it. wife wants peace in her house. She's come to terms with McWeedy, and I guess is willing to let things ride as long as they don't get any worse to preserve peace for the other two kids in the house.
I'm now visibly and emotionally upset, but I'm also too tired to deal with it any more since I haven't gotten more than 5 hours sleep for a week because of my darling little pothead. So I decided to deal with it tomorrow (today) after finally getting some rest. I go to bed to read and wait for McWeedy to get home.
Care to guess what comes next?
11:30 comes around. Hmmm, no McWeedy. wife glares at me, daring me with her eyes to start "ranting", so I wait. 11:45 rolls around, I start calling, and no surprise, he's not answering. Midnight rolls around, and I'm now in full combat mode, and wife is desperately trying to keep me under control so I don't "ruin Dancer's sleepover". Out the door I go, circling through all the local pothead haunts including Hookah Heaven. No McWeedy. I call Weedette, only to find that they never went for ice cream. He dropped her off as soon as he left my house at 9:45.
Strike one.
Then I call his friend's mother at midnight, asking if McWeedy was over there, or had been there recently. "No, not since this afternoon. I just locked up the pool a few hours ago. My son is out with a friend and is due back at 1am. Maybe call him?" So he never went over to the friends house to go swimming, and never let us know his plans had "changed" (more likely, his plans were going ahead just as he meant them to).
Strike two.
Finally called his friend's phone and get Potmonster on the line about 12:15am. Says he's out with "friends". "What time is it son?". "12:15, Dad". "What time were you supposed to be home?". "Oh, 11:30. I forgot."
:grrr:
"Why haven't you been answering your phone?". "I left it in my car". "How convenient for you. If it's in your car, and you're NOT in your car, you don't have to answer it. Seems to be your new modis operandi, doesn't it? Only, after this afternoon, I would have thought you understood that leaving your phone behind when you're out is NOT an option - EVER!"
Strike three, he's OUT!
"You need to get home NOW!" I bellow. "But Dad, I don't know where I am. I'm in xxxx's car, and I have to wait for him to drive me back to xxxx before I can get home". "Okay, you do that, Son. Haul your skinny rear home as fast as you legally can".
12:45, and he finally walks through the door. wife is "shusshing" me, and I keep my voice down. But I'm done. There must be consequences. However, since I suddenly find myself at odds with wife, I throw down the worst thing I can think of that she'll support. Grounded from the car through the weekend. He can take it to/from work, but that's it. Curfew is now 10pm through Sunday, weekend or no. Don't answer the phone again, and it gets shut off. As it is, I'm probably going to take the nice, new mp3/camera phone away and give him the old ghetto backup phone my daughter blinged out with rhinestones and sticky pictures of dalmations.
I also told him that this was only temporary, and to expect more permanent changes. If he was going to act like a stranger in my house, he had no right to any of the benefits of family membership. wife is glaring but silent. "First, you better start working your duff off, because if your car isn't paid off by your birthday you may lose it. Second, you may want to look at Cricket or a Cingular Go phone, since I'm not going to help you with a phone if you won't answer it. Finally, your girlfriend can no longer stay over here past your curfew for any reason, regardless of what her curfew might be."
Then, I finally let loose with what I really wanted him to hear. "I'm sick of you. I'm looking at you, I see the physical body of my son, but I'm looking into the eyes of a stranger. You lie at every turn, and manipulate every person around you without remorse. You continue to do things that are harmful to yourself, even though you know what the consequences could be. You continue to hurt the ones who love you, then blame us for "caring too much". You have no respect for the family, it's members, or the rules that keep us intact and functional. Yet you demand all the benefits of living here".
<long tirade followed, but omitted for brevity :wink: >.
When done, told him to get out of my bedroom, and start preparing to make his own way through life. wife's only comment is "that's a stupid thing to say", then rolls over and goes to sleep.
Yes, I know, more words, but it was the best I could do without wife's backing. I think it's going to take a few more episodes like this before we stop flip/flopping on the good cop/bad cop roles, and finally both end up as the bad cop. But I'm putting the wood do his butt as best as I can. I'm done trying, and will never be taken in by his BS again. I also have no doubt that McWeedy will eventually find some way to hurt his Mom so much that she swings back into that mode as well. Just not now.
On McWeedy's Facebook site, under "religion" he lists "God hates me". I'm starting to think the same thing about myself. Not really, but isn't karma supposed to flow in positive directions as well as negative ones?
On another front, I'm supposed to hear back from the docs at the medical study about what they propose for addressing the substance abuse issue. Can't wait for that little tidbit of wisdom. I'll take whatever help I can get, but from a triage standpoint, they're talking about curing cancer while the patient is dying from blood loss. I've got to deal with the immediate issues, and I don't have the support I thought I had.
Yet another day. And another surprise. I'm used to them now, and they don't hurt so bad when you're sleep-deprived.
Guess I'll post more when I have more, for you folks who are following the soap opera. At this point, I'm blogging out my nutty life here on CD to keep my sanity, since writing is about the only cathartic activity I have left that helps. Otherwise, I'd become completely consumed, overwhelmed, and probably end up without a job or family.
So I'll continue to write. It's the only thing that helps. Hope you good folks will bear with me.
Mikey
