If I repeat myself in these post I'm sorry, my short term memory is pretty much non existent the past couple of days. I *thought* I slept last night, but Travis said I had a running commentary going all night long........so evidently I've taken up talking in my sleep. I laid down for a nap this afternoon......and he checked on me because he couldn't figure out who I was talking to. Guess that explains why I'm waking up more tired than when I lay down. If it continues I'll get in to the fam doctor and get something to help me sleep better. I know that without sleep I won't be able to hold up for long. Today we went to Dayton to take care of the burial plot and it worked out ok. Not real close to his parents, but not far away either and husband and I will share a plot the same as his parents did. The grandchildren will pick out a pretty ornamental flowering tree and plant it at the site, a symbol to them that life continues on. It will be papa's tree and solved the problem of where to plant it that they would always be able to go back and visit it if they wished. A way to include them in the process. I spoke with sister in law, and indeed husband's bro is not dealing with it well. But we both feel he needs to come and say goodbye so tentative plans are for the memorial to be the 1st of Oct, she'll call me in a day or two to finalize it. And I found something for him that his mother made up for his father when he passed that as his namesake I think he would like to have, a memorial book of some type. Nichole took one of the laminated plaque like things from it for baby Oliver to have and said she'd like her uncle to have the actual book if he would like that. And I'd honestly like to give it to him in person instead of sending it in the mail. From the look of finances, after going through the bulk of paperwork, I'm pretty much scr*wed if the house insurance isn't set up to pay off the balance owed. Even having that taken care of, surviving is going to be a real challenge financially. But then, I suppose I'm basically used to that. It just was really hard to let easy child see how bad off we've been that way for so many years. Katie is dealing with a mountain of guilt. And honestly I can't really help her with that except to tell her that her dad loved her regardless. She really broke his heart when she up and took off all those years ago, and he never really got over it. Even with her being here again.......well, he just wouldn't open himself back up to being hurt like that again and she just didn't try very hard either. And now he's gone and she will never have the chance to be close to him. It may sound cruel but after the viewing I told her to go home and call her mother. The woman she left helpless in Mo.......who has no one but katie. I know she called her because biomom had a message for me. But I think she missed the point. Maybe it will hit her over the head before this is all over. That still is a very sore spot with me, and will be until she behaves appropriately concerning her mom. And something is wrong with Molly. Not sure what it is, maybe it's just old age. But last night she had to go out repeatedly and then this morning I couldn't get her out fast enough.....let the dogs stay in while we were gone because it was supposed to rain......and came home to a big accident in front of the door. Molly hasn't had an accident since puppyhood and last night I noticed she didn't finish all of her food.......and that is totally not Molly. She's not acting sick per se. But I'll have to watch her. It's still hitting me in odd moments. But I know it will continue to do that. To be honest, to some extent I'm enjoying the memories that are flooding my mind. Moments that I have not thought about in many many years some of them.......remembering happy times mostly, the rest really doesn't matter anymore. I woke up from my nap this afternoon and I thought for a moment he was holding my hand. All our years together that was a thing we did, we always held hands. It made me smile.