I posted last week about how difficult child was going to be in for a big surprise when husband and I did not just hand her shopping money after the way she has been bashing us to her friends (and right in front of our faces, no less!)...
Well, when husband told difficult child she would have to earn her shopping money by doing extra chores--she was FURIOUS! Began to yell and stomp around about how that wasn't fair and we are HORRIBLE parents. husband calmy explained that she had plenty of time and could earn up to $$$ by raking leaves, washing the cars, cleaning off the siding, etc.
difficult child yelled that no, there simply wasn't enough time to do anything--so she just wouldn't bring anything to her friend's birthday party. We said fine, we didn't care--it was her friend, not ours.
So difficult child did absolutely nothing Friday night.
Saturday morning, she slept in late. Then when she finally got up, she decided that she DID want some shopping money to get her friend a gift after all--but since there was no time left to get everything done....we'd just have to lend the money to her....and she'd pay us back "later". husband was not only going to cave in to this, BUT he wanted to offer to give her "back pay" for chores she had done previously....like wasting water over a sink full of dishes instead of actually washing them (what a wuss!). UGH!!!
But I stood firm. I reminded difficult child (and husband!) that husband had calmly spelled out exactly what she needed to do to earn maximum money. The fact that difficult child hadn't bothered did not mean that Mom and Dad were supposed to compromise. difficult child could still squeeze in a few hours of work before the party--but I was absolutely NOT giving her money with the vague hope of maybe being paid back later.
But, difficult child did not even do that. She worked a little bit--then quit. I paid her $6 (the rates for the chores had been spelled out earlier...so she knew that's all she was getting for what she had accomplished).
I drove her to Wally-World...and difficult child made it clear she did not want to be shopping "with" me--and she began to race through the store ahead of me. OK--fine. So I just followed, keeping my respectable 20 paces behind. O and she was really working on staying away from me! She circled the entire store several times--I felt like we were doing laps or something the way she was "power walking".
Well, eventually, I just couldn't keep up the pace and I fell behind. It occurred to me that perhaps difficult child was going to do some shoplifting and that's why she was so desparate to ditch me. I couldn't be sure...
Eventually, I was paged to the jewelry counter, where I met difficult child--who was ticked off that I hadn't stayed right behind her! WTH??? She now she's all mad at me again. OK--whatever.
Then there was a fiasco trying to find the party, because difficult child didn't have the correct address...or know what time she was supposed to be there. OK--whatever.
And then when difficult child finally made it to the party...she was AMAZED to discover that the other teens in attendance had also worked to earn the money they spent on presents. Shocking!
And even more shocking:
The next day (Sunday)--difficult child helped around the house! AND did a good job...
well...sort of...
I was trying really hard to look at the positives. difficult child helped by unloading the dishwasher. YAY!!! She swept the bathroom floor. YAY!!! She spoke respectfully. YAY!!! I even had one pair of underpants in the laundry for the week--big improvement. YAY!!!
So I'm feeling all happy until I learn that difficult child wants to talk to me about special-ordering a custom-made prom dress from Europe. (Yeah, right! Like that's gonna happen!)
So, it looks like that was the motive for "helping"...
And then I discovered that she only partially swept the floor...and only wiped the front part of the counter-top in the bathroom..and when I walked into her bedroom (I know, I shouldn't have) she had a huge stash of nasty, dirty underpants that hadn't been washed in how long...and she had "put away" her clean laundry pretty much on top of the stash. AARRGGHH!!!
I told her she needed to get that stash cleaned up and out of her room--it was disgusting! She said OK--she was gonna hand-wash everything. Fine.
Few minutes later (after no water runs at all)...she says it's all taken care of. What? You washed those?
Well, no--she just moved the stash to a different spot so I wouldn't have to see it when I walked into her room.
I really wanted to be happy and proud....instead, I just feel kind of "deflated".
--sigh--
Thanks for listening...
Well, when husband told difficult child she would have to earn her shopping money by doing extra chores--she was FURIOUS! Began to yell and stomp around about how that wasn't fair and we are HORRIBLE parents. husband calmy explained that she had plenty of time and could earn up to $$$ by raking leaves, washing the cars, cleaning off the siding, etc.
difficult child yelled that no, there simply wasn't enough time to do anything--so she just wouldn't bring anything to her friend's birthday party. We said fine, we didn't care--it was her friend, not ours.
So difficult child did absolutely nothing Friday night.
Saturday morning, she slept in late. Then when she finally got up, she decided that she DID want some shopping money to get her friend a gift after all--but since there was no time left to get everything done....we'd just have to lend the money to her....and she'd pay us back "later". husband was not only going to cave in to this, BUT he wanted to offer to give her "back pay" for chores she had done previously....like wasting water over a sink full of dishes instead of actually washing them (what a wuss!). UGH!!!
But I stood firm. I reminded difficult child (and husband!) that husband had calmly spelled out exactly what she needed to do to earn maximum money. The fact that difficult child hadn't bothered did not mean that Mom and Dad were supposed to compromise. difficult child could still squeeze in a few hours of work before the party--but I was absolutely NOT giving her money with the vague hope of maybe being paid back later.
But, difficult child did not even do that. She worked a little bit--then quit. I paid her $6 (the rates for the chores had been spelled out earlier...so she knew that's all she was getting for what she had accomplished).
I drove her to Wally-World...and difficult child made it clear she did not want to be shopping "with" me--and she began to race through the store ahead of me. OK--fine. So I just followed, keeping my respectable 20 paces behind. O and she was really working on staying away from me! She circled the entire store several times--I felt like we were doing laps or something the way she was "power walking".
Well, eventually, I just couldn't keep up the pace and I fell behind. It occurred to me that perhaps difficult child was going to do some shoplifting and that's why she was so desparate to ditch me. I couldn't be sure...
Eventually, I was paged to the jewelry counter, where I met difficult child--who was ticked off that I hadn't stayed right behind her! WTH??? She now she's all mad at me again. OK--whatever.
Then there was a fiasco trying to find the party, because difficult child didn't have the correct address...or know what time she was supposed to be there. OK--whatever.
And then when difficult child finally made it to the party...she was AMAZED to discover that the other teens in attendance had also worked to earn the money they spent on presents. Shocking!
And even more shocking:
The next day (Sunday)--difficult child helped around the house! AND did a good job...
well...sort of...
I was trying really hard to look at the positives. difficult child helped by unloading the dishwasher. YAY!!! She swept the bathroom floor. YAY!!! She spoke respectfully. YAY!!! I even had one pair of underpants in the laundry for the week--big improvement. YAY!!!
So I'm feeling all happy until I learn that difficult child wants to talk to me about special-ordering a custom-made prom dress from Europe. (Yeah, right! Like that's gonna happen!)
So, it looks like that was the motive for "helping"...
And then I discovered that she only partially swept the floor...and only wiped the front part of the counter-top in the bathroom..and when I walked into her bedroom (I know, I shouldn't have) she had a huge stash of nasty, dirty underpants that hadn't been washed in how long...and she had "put away" her clean laundry pretty much on top of the stash. AARRGGHH!!!
I told her she needed to get that stash cleaned up and out of her room--it was disgusting! She said OK--she was gonna hand-wash everything. Fine.
Few minutes later (after no water runs at all)...she says it's all taken care of. What? You washed those?
Well, no--she just moved the stash to a different spot so I wouldn't have to see it when I walked into her room.
I really wanted to be happy and proud....instead, I just feel kind of "deflated".
--sigh--
Thanks for listening...