Ok folks, it's been quite awhile since I've posted.....life has been up and down and sideways..... about 6 months of continual change.....let's see if I can put it all in a nutshell..... I retired in December. Quite the transition. Almost 5 months in and I'm beginning to enjoy it. Letting go was a bear, but I managed it..... with some stress and some chaos....but now? It's pretty darn good. Liberation. Our granddaughter made the choice to come back to Northern California from Southern California where she was living, however, she went to live with her older sister rather than with us. It's an excellent choice and she is thriving. I do believe my parenting days with her are over. More liberation. My daughter had been stable for a year and a half, but about a month ago it started to go south. One of the roommates she was living with is bi-polar, refusing to take his medications and has become violent. She had a warrant out for her arrest for a probation violation from almost 2 years ago and the roommate turned her in about a month ago. She spent 23 days in jail and was released after she petitioned the court with a new proposition which allowed an early release and if she stays out of trouble, the charge is reduced and eventually she can have it expunged. That's a huge relief for all of us, it marks the completion of that ordeal which will now allow her to move ahead. She believed she could return to this place she'd been living, but the day she was released, the roommate began acting nutty, his behavior is highly volatile, suffice to say it didn't appear to be a safe place for her to be. He exploded and destroyed many of her things. So we agreed to allow her to stay for a few days, with all of us thinking she would find a way to stay with a friend temporarily, until she could find a permanent place. That has not turned out to be true. Although a bit down the road there appears to be a good, stable home coming available for her with 2 stable friends. A little background is that my daughter has some mental or emotional anomalies, but has not received a diagnosis. She had been extremely difficult and oppositional, however in the last 2 years our relationship has changed dramatically. I no longer enable her. She never asks me for anything. I know my boundaries and I set them easily. My entire life changed as a result of my stopping the enabling with her. It changed many other parts of my life for the better. It's felt like a miracle! She makes great strides in keeping me out of the dramas of her life and is aware of how much her choices impact me, so I have rarely been connected to those choices for quite a long time now. We get along quite well now. I made arrangements to visit my mother for her 91st birthday next week and to be with her for Mothers Day. It was a complicated airline arrangement which has high penalties if cancelled. My husband and I were looking forward to this trip as a sort of celebratory vacation after retirement and as a completion to all the stresses we've dealt with recently. My daughter is still here at my house. I am not comfortable with her staying here while we're gone, mainly because she has some sketchy friends who can be cunning.... and she can get lost in her scattered thoughts and disappear in a room with no concept of time.....while said friends might be doing some "shopping" in our home. I'm not quite sure of that since she's changed so much recently, but it's still a consideration. I told her yesterday that she would need to leave on Wednesday, sticking with my boundary setting. We leave on Friday. She has no where to go. The shelters here have waiting lists. She is considering trying to stay at her old place with the bi-polar guy simply because she has no where else to go. For me, that is a pretty creepy choice. So, my choices seem to be, cancel the trip and pay the penalties, which I'd prefer not to do for a variety of reasons. Drop her off at the old roommates and allow her to deal with all of it, which creates a bit of anxiety for me.....or somehow allow her to stay here at our home. I feel she has changed and outgrown that old environment. Even though as it stands, she's leaving tomorrow, I'm not clear about that decision, I feel stuck. I'm also trying to figure out if I would be able to enjoy myself if she were either here or at the old place. I do have some experience with that though, you members who've been here for awhile may remember that I went to Hawaii for 2 weeks when she was homeless a few years back.....and I managed to actually enjoy myself. The positive part of it is that I don't have the angst I used to have whenever I had to deal with situations like this with my daughter. It feels like a difficult choice that I have to figure out, but it lacks that emotional component which used to just take me out. I feel more balanced and neutral inside of myself, which indicates to me, quite the shift! I went to lunch with a girlfriend today who also has a difficult child and spoke with another girlfriend on the phone who has a difficult child, both of whom offered me love and support..... and even though a decision didn't emerge from it, I felt so much better having received support from others who know this terrain. As it stands right now, my daughter is planning on leaving tomorrow and going back to pack up her remaining things and stay there while looking at other options. I would be very interested in getting feedback from all of you wonderful warriors out there......I know many of you have been in these kinds of shoes and I would very much like to hear what you have to say. I could use a fresh perspective.....and your collective wisdom. Thank you.