update on my son

[tryingtobestrong]

I wanted to update on my son. He is 107 days sober and seems to be doing well. He lives 24 hours away in a new state and has a girlfriend which I am nervous about. He always has to have one. Still goes to AA meetings and chairs them. Says his sobriety comes first.
He called tonight and I still hear the same tone in his voice. The anger still seems to be there when he talks about things that he doesn't agree with... girlfriends new diet, work, etc. He said he is interviewing for a new position within his company. He has been in the same position for 3 years and his boss has always stuck beside him through all of his relapses and missing time. He is grateful for his job but also feels for what he does and the amount of money he handles his pay should be higher than someone that just gets hired on. So, I am nervous that he may be moving to a new job. The stress of that may not be good for his sobriety. His sponsor told him to be patient and put his sobriety first.
I know that God will open a door for him when the time is right and I told my son that. He and one other employee carry the weight of the 4 person team. He shares with me the pie chart showing the percentages.
I know this is his battle. I wish I wouldn't be so nervous but this is the longest he has ever gone sober.

He also mentioned flying home to visit with the girlfriend in the summer but he would only stop in to see us and go to dinner. He said "I don't want any new resentments" I wish I knew what we did to make him feel so uneasy about being with us and being home.

 

[RN0441]

Try to take a deep breath and relax. It all sounds good to me. Time heals all wounds but these take a long time.

Try to practice self care and let him live his life. Glad that he is sober and if he does relapse he doesn't have to start over but starts from where he is now.

Stay positive and don't let negative thoughts get the better of you!

 

[JayPee]

Trying,
Really that is such good news about the length of sobriety your son has maintained. I recall when living with an active alcoholic who tried many times to become sober and the anxiety that I still felt of wondering when he would drink again. It's hard to enjoy their sobriety because we just know relapse is possible. I agree with RN, should he relapse, he's not starting from square one. He's got some program under his belt to help him up right away, if he so choses.

What I also learned is that although the alcoholic may be sober they still have their own "defects of character" just like us. They are not made perfect when they finally overcome their addiction. Meaning, they still are who they are...for better or worst. We think when they stop that they'll all of a sudden turn into the best person in the world because we've attributed all their bad qualities to the addiction, when in fact some of it is just who they are.

If he stays with program and really sticks with it, he will likely get better and better. Think of the years he spent in his alcoholism and remember that his body is still adjusting to all the changes that sobriety brings, mental, physical and emotional and it will take time to fully get better. He's now having to learn how to cope with reality without numbing his emotions. It's a lot but don't lose faith and try to focus on yourself. Take care of yourself, nurture yourself, do something kind for yourself.

Sending hugs.

 

[RN0441]

So agree JayPee with what you said about thinking they'll be perfect or your dream come true when they are no longer acting like an addict.

My son has not been acting like an addict for 3 years. He drinks beer though but he knows self control now and is in college and very committed to doing well. He says he has "made enough mistakes". HALLELUJAH RIGHT??? He is far from perfect naturally (as we all are) and sometimes I have to remind myself to accept him for who he is rather than my ideal of him. That's not fair to anyone. There is a silver lining though and that is all that matters.

I am tough on him though and continually push him forward and will do that until the day I take my last breath.