welcometowitsend
Member
Hi everyone,
First let me say thank you so much for the words of support over the past couple of weeks. It has been a lifeline for me.
After difficult child moved out last weekend I went to see his guidance counsellors on Tuesday. I wanted to find out who told my kid it would be a good idea to go on student welfare and move out. Anyway, I thought maybe he might be b.s.ing a little so I played it cool. difficult child had the option of being there for the meeting and decided to say just for the 'entertainment of hearing what I had to say'.
Anyway, there were 2 guidance counsellors, difficult child and myself. Seemed to go pretty well although he still said he wasn't coming home and had no plans to go to counselling. Was planning on getting an apartment with a difficult child friend who is couch surfing with relatives right now. The guidance counsellors let him know that welfare was not going to even cover bare minimum living expenses. The max they can get is $535 a month and a basement bachelor apartment is no less than $600. So, he'll have to get a job and barely scrape by with food, etc..
I also found out his marks have dropped a lot. His science teacher nabbed me in the hallway and said he would fail if he didn't start coming to class. Great. So, I called the head of the Arts Dept. (he's in the arts program) and requested his get his marks and sit him down and have a talk with him. If he gets kicked out of the arts program for bad marks it's going to go downhill in a huge hurry. I called all of his other teachers and not one of them has returned my call - seems they don't really care.
Now we get to Thursday.... husband and I ask him if we can meet for coffee. We take difficult child and his girlfriend (who is a nice, level-headed girl - or so she seems) out for coffee. We tell difficult child that we realize we are not perfect parents and we have made mistakes. We want us all to get into counselling so we can get along better and improve our relationship. He's thinking about it. Wants husband to take anger management classes - husband agreed which kind of surprised me. husband said something funny when we got home - he said can I bring the source of my anger to class with me and ask them to fix him?? LOL.
difficult child then asks we will support him if he chooses not to move home? No, we can't afford that. (wouldn't anyway). His girlfriend is looking at him like he's nuts and says "I think your parents are being pretty reasonable." I had a mature chat with him about having to handle all the responsibilities of being an adult on top of going to school and having to work to afford food. I probably would have been more productive to talk to my dog about it but I tried.
So he had a meeting with a youth counsellor at school on Friday to see about applying for student welfare. I think he's just playing games now. It's unlikely he'll be able to afford to live on his own or that he'll even qualify for student welfare - he has a home to live in. He is hoping to move in with this other difficult child friend but his girlfriend says that the other difficult child is likely moving home at the end of the semesters. Wouldn't surprise me if my difficult child holds out until he knows for sure that is what she is doing.
I sent him an email yesterday (this is the only way he wants me to communicate with him) and said I was glad we met, that we hoped for good things in the future and that we could all work towards a better relationship. Keep in mind difficult child has not admitted any of his part in this, not offered even an inkling of an apology for how he treated us, nothing. But we're being patient. So, I finished the email - told him I loved him and would he please let me know how his meeting went.
I got an email from him at 2am saying his meeting went well and he'll email me sometime soon but he's going to be fairly busy this weekend. Then he just signed his name. Kind of ticked me off. So I emailed him back and said I hoped he was having a good weekend... that I knew he only wanted to email back and forth but that I am his mother and I deserve better than that.
Not sure how this is going to go - guess we'll have to be patient. I felt good after our get together on Thursday but am not sure how to take his response in that very short, curt email.
First let me say thank you so much for the words of support over the past couple of weeks. It has been a lifeline for me.
After difficult child moved out last weekend I went to see his guidance counsellors on Tuesday. I wanted to find out who told my kid it would be a good idea to go on student welfare and move out. Anyway, I thought maybe he might be b.s.ing a little so I played it cool. difficult child had the option of being there for the meeting and decided to say just for the 'entertainment of hearing what I had to say'.
Anyway, there were 2 guidance counsellors, difficult child and myself. Seemed to go pretty well although he still said he wasn't coming home and had no plans to go to counselling. Was planning on getting an apartment with a difficult child friend who is couch surfing with relatives right now. The guidance counsellors let him know that welfare was not going to even cover bare minimum living expenses. The max they can get is $535 a month and a basement bachelor apartment is no less than $600. So, he'll have to get a job and barely scrape by with food, etc..
I also found out his marks have dropped a lot. His science teacher nabbed me in the hallway and said he would fail if he didn't start coming to class. Great. So, I called the head of the Arts Dept. (he's in the arts program) and requested his get his marks and sit him down and have a talk with him. If he gets kicked out of the arts program for bad marks it's going to go downhill in a huge hurry. I called all of his other teachers and not one of them has returned my call - seems they don't really care.
Now we get to Thursday.... husband and I ask him if we can meet for coffee. We take difficult child and his girlfriend (who is a nice, level-headed girl - or so she seems) out for coffee. We tell difficult child that we realize we are not perfect parents and we have made mistakes. We want us all to get into counselling so we can get along better and improve our relationship. He's thinking about it. Wants husband to take anger management classes - husband agreed which kind of surprised me. husband said something funny when we got home - he said can I bring the source of my anger to class with me and ask them to fix him?? LOL.
difficult child then asks we will support him if he chooses not to move home? No, we can't afford that. (wouldn't anyway). His girlfriend is looking at him like he's nuts and says "I think your parents are being pretty reasonable." I had a mature chat with him about having to handle all the responsibilities of being an adult on top of going to school and having to work to afford food. I probably would have been more productive to talk to my dog about it but I tried.
So he had a meeting with a youth counsellor at school on Friday to see about applying for student welfare. I think he's just playing games now. It's unlikely he'll be able to afford to live on his own or that he'll even qualify for student welfare - he has a home to live in. He is hoping to move in with this other difficult child friend but his girlfriend says that the other difficult child is likely moving home at the end of the semesters. Wouldn't surprise me if my difficult child holds out until he knows for sure that is what she is doing.
I sent him an email yesterday (this is the only way he wants me to communicate with him) and said I was glad we met, that we hoped for good things in the future and that we could all work towards a better relationship. Keep in mind difficult child has not admitted any of his part in this, not offered even an inkling of an apology for how he treated us, nothing. But we're being patient. So, I finished the email - told him I loved him and would he please let me know how his meeting went.
I got an email from him at 2am saying his meeting went well and he'll email me sometime soon but he's going to be fairly busy this weekend. Then he just signed his name. Kind of ticked me off. So I emailed him back and said I hoped he was having a good weekend... that I knew he only wanted to email back and forth but that I am his mother and I deserve better than that.
Not sure how this is going to go - guess we'll have to be patient. I felt good after our get together on Thursday but am not sure how to take his response in that very short, curt email.
