Update on our move and life in general....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Jul 23, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi everyone! I have missed you all so much!! We are moved into our house but I still have a ton of stuff (boxes and junk) at the old house so we go back and forth. By the time I am done I am spent and barely can open the computer. I admit moving has always been the worst for me, I get so overwhelmed and tired.

    Q has handled it in some ways good in other ways not so great. He had a couple of really ugly outbursts and got really physical with me. I was able to get him calm both times. They happened at times when I knew what was going on was just one thing too much like when the cable guy came to fix what we thought was all set up....(one reason I wasn't able to go online) and his tv went out for a minute....he went nuts.

    The other was when (I told a few of you) the kid at school played the "does this hurt" game and the teachers tried to intervene somewhat but did so by stopping it but asking Q why he let him do that. Q finally was able to tell me he felt "stuck" and worried that the kid would not be his friend and also that he would hurt him more. He also said that at his old school they told him he was a tattle tale if he ever told on kids who were hurting him. That makes me so angry given how much trouble Q got into. I had told them about when we were on field trips and I saw kids come up behind Q and kick him in the back. They did nothing. I even gave them notes that had threats and horrible things on it like your mom hates you and wishes you were never born etc.... I wish I could have put all the pieces together in my head at the time, I really was stupid in my trust for them.

    Anyway, he has managed to say he feels scared instead of acting out too much and he saw that I will back him up. He first started screaming at night (sleep yeling) help me help me, and I went in and told him he was ok. He said no I'm not. I told him he was sleeping and he fell back asleep. He remembered nothing. Then the next night he was jumpy about everything. He could not sleep. I said if he wanted he could sleep on a blanket on my bedroom floor. He said you mean you wont be mad? I said of course not, I always help you when you tell me what is going on with your words. He was SOOO relieved. He has slept there every night since. (five nights now). He keeps saying he plans to face his fear and I believe he will, but I am happy to show him that he doesn't have to do it on his own all the time.

    This whole move would not have happened without help from so many people. Most who prayed and sent the encouragement I really needed. Several who helped physically and one board member helped make the actual move happen. I wont say who without permission but with how unorganized I was while trying to hide things from Q and doing it on my own there was no criticism and the kindness of this family and a friend of theirs has left me feeling like I could never give back enough. My nephews came to help and they are young teens. They both did an amazing job. The one who just got the IEP and had issues at the end of the school year, well I have to just say-- blessings come when you least expect them. He really is a great kid (they both are) but he has struggled in school and with his adhd lately. I kidded him while we were hauling boxes....if you want an office job.... stay in school...He said...but I am LOVING this. I said, great! Do what this guy did and work hard and have your own company!!! Our board member's hubby acted like a mentor to them in really HOT and challenging conditions. Both men were kind and directed them and taught them a brilliant lesson. In the end my nephew said he felt like a grown up, he had no idea he could do so much and this guy gave them both his card and said they could learn about the business if they ever wanted to and that made the boys feel like rock stars. My one nephew told his mom he would even move there to work for them! Now, he is only 14 and will change his plans a hundred times, but the fact is he got a dose of self esteem and hope, and boy did he need that. So, for many reasons, I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

    I'll take some pictures later and see if I can upload them. It feels so much better here.


    C. called (the law advocate) and the prosecutor got most of the information from teachers, doctors, my stuff, etc. She is excusing Q from having to go to court. I will go on the 31st, C offered to go too since she has developed a relationship with this woman now (and is thrilled with the opportunity to once more educate the courts on disabilities) and they will probably just do a rule 20 and declare him incompetent. The prosecutor also apparently said to C. that after seeing the pictures she is considering pressing charges against psycho. He put himself on her radar so I am not going to feel worried about it at all.

    Q Heath Update: I am a little worried. I have appointments with all three doctors and one is tomorrow. He has gotten huge--maybe 150 now??....but it is almost all stomach and face. He wears a mens medium in pants/shorts and medication-large in shirts. His back is very swayed and it affects how he is walking. I am not sure if it is just the weight or that he grew so fast or what. He also has very stiff ankles and is in so much pain, especially first thing in the morning that he can't walk up stairs well. He bends his knees up high to march up them so his ankles dont have to bend. His speech is hard to understand, others have said so too, and he gets mad when you dont know what he is saying (it is kind of drunk/slurred sounding not really like someone with CP but more like someone who is very dysarthric and weak, and it is hard to tell if he is having muscles movements like TD with his tongue, I don't see any. He doesn't seem super sleepy but has been a little more sleepy than normal of course ever since starting the zyprexa. I am glad we are seeing the neuro tomorrow even better than the psychiatrist because she knows him well.

    I have my physical on Thurs with the program sponsored by Susan G Kolman foundation (sp?) and that is just not fun but I will have all the lab work and tests I need along with a mamogram. I am really embarrassed that I am covered in bruises from moving (way beyond the bruises I get from Q sometimes!) and it looks awful. You can really tell where the boxes hit my legs when I carry them, they are in a line....yuck. I need that old lady leg makeup they sell on tv.

    I hope to catch up on posts over the past week.... I hope you guys are ok. I sure missed my routine checking in and I am sure I will still be less frequent until I unpack more and finish up at the old house.

    TTFN, Dee

  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    The move: It is a pain but worth it and I am sooooo happy you got some help (still feeling awful we couldn't help). Glad Q is transitioning better than expected.

    Q: Isn't wonderful when they are able to put their wants, needs, and feelings into appropriate words. How tall has he gotten? Is the weight gain proportional to his growth? Has he ever had problems with his joints? Glad you have doctor appts coming up. All of that would be worrisome.

    Court: YEAH!!! I am glad the prosecutor is a REAL person and knows the right thing to do. I hope she goes after psycho with everything she's got and gets the maximum punishment for him. See, we aren't dumb! We all said that's what should happen. If they ask your input, PLEASE tell them to go ahead with your blessing.

    Your health: Sending board juju that all is well when all is said and done and that there are no surprises or problems. Glad you found a way to be checked out completely. That makes me feel better that you're not neglecting your own health.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to both of you and thanks for the update. How did you know I've been thinking about you all day and was planning on calling later? Now I don't have to?!?
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Oh, Dee... sounds like your bruises rival mine! When we moved, it was between provinces, so a new doctor, and... it took a full year to convince her that I was not in an abusive relationship. The BRUISES! Between box corners, wall corners, door knobs (which happen to make bruises that look like fists...), tripping on furniture, you name it. It isn't fun, but hopefully it ends up worth it.

    And I can just see those nephews. Just the right age for flexing muscles. And... the payback in a "job well done" from an independent 3rd party just cannot be replicated!

    Take your time, catch your breath and remember... we're still pulling for you.
  4. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Your plate is still very full, but you seem to have a handle on everything. husband was sore too, lol. But he said it felt good to move and get out of the truck. He is a work machine, so I can imagine how much he liked working with your nephews.
    I hope the doctors can figure out what is going with Q.
    And how wonderful that he could voice his concerns/fears. The move will likely rock things before it gets better. YOU know it will be better for the both of you though.
    You've been running a marathon for the last year and you are getting pretty close to the finish line, as in putting all the b.s. behind you and Q.
    Sure there is always going something, some issues. But you have overcome so much. You should be so proud of youself.
    Take care of yourself and know that we are all waiting for you here, when things settle and you have more free time.
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You are a phenominal woman. I hope the judge does press charges against psycho, the principal, spec. ed department, and orders the state board to go back and investigate other situations involving that principal.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am truly delighted that you have an opportunity for a fresh start. Heartfelt supportive thoughts coming your way. DDD
  7. Buddy - It is very good to hear an update from you. What inspiring words you spoke about your nephews and how wonderful the men were with them. It's really nice to hear about good moments like that.

    Good news on the court issue. I hope it continues to go that way and that this gets resolved very quickly.

    Please keep us up to date on Q and what is happening with his health. Thoughts and prayers for both of you as you visit the doctors this week. :)
  8. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    What a wonderfull surprise to see an update and post from you!!!!!!
    Glad things are working out!!!!
    Thanx for putting a smile on my face this morning!!!!!
    Send hugs to Q.....please let us know how he is doing! I am worried about medications side effects!?
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You were missed Buddy, there was a very large empty space here without you! I'm happy the worst is over and that you're in your new place and you received all the support you deserve. Very good. That's remarkable about the prosecutor possibly going after Psycho, wow. Good you're going to the neuro tomorrow for Q. Very happy you're getting the health care you need. Welcome home!!
  10. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Buddy: We really did miss your comments and support on the substance abuse board! I was just thinking about you today, and wondering why you had not posted in a while. I'm really happy about your new home, and the other positive updates. I am sending you good wishes for the best health checkups this week for both you and Q. When things calm down a little bit please come back and let us know how you are doing. (((HUGS)))
  11. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    So glad you're back, we missed you. Bless your home and everyone in it, and everyone who helped move you there!
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hope you get some rest tonight. Maybe take a few hrs off and just watch TV? I hate moving. Well, except for the decorating part. :)