Urgent help needed please.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Rebeccabrown, Oct 21, 2016.

  1. Rebeccabrown

    Rebeccabrown New Member

    My son is 20.
    He lived with my parents the last few years. I have been staying here a few months. Hehas always had issues mentally punching holes, acting aggressive etc. He has been in hospital and talked his way out.

    The last month he has been obsessed with his health. Saying he can't move his arms etc. Saying he is disabled. Becoming agressive because every MRI, ultrasound, xray, cat scan on every part of his body shows nothing. He is obsessed with his health following us around, making everyone google things etc.

    Last night he lost it again. Told us he wants to kill us, kill himself etc. Picked up a pair of scissors. Stabbed his leg.
    Police came. He jumped the fence but they got him. He went to hospital where the Psychiatrist today said he was going to discharge him because he says he isn't going to hurt himself or anyone else. I was shocked. He has a huge history. There are recordings on my phone of him losing it and saying things about killing himself/us. I basically threatened to go to the media with these recordings and explain to them this person was deemed mentally stable enough to be let out.

    They had a quick change of heart and have admitted him for 24 hours. He is excellent at playing the system.

    Police put a violence order so he cant come here and I know he has nowhere to go, no money and this mental state. We are now fearful for our life and his life as this will be a huge shock to him that we all turned our back. He has always said he will burn the house down if this ever happened and kill us.

    My family is petrified but also feeling guilty because he has nowhere to go and mentally isnt capable of looking after himself. However he refuses to accept anything is wrong mentally, stopped all medication and his mind is deterioating. He threatened to kill his last Psychiatrists family. None of us can live like this anymore.

    Anyone been in this situation? They wont keep him in longer as he has been cooperating etc. He knows what to say to get out. I'm anxious. Can't sleep. So fearful of what will happen next. I think he is going to kill someone or himself. The police are aware of everything.

    I dont know what to do.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Don't let him back home. He is dangerous to you. Your life is precious. You may need to take out a restraining order on him if he could actually, say, lose it and burn down your house.

    Unfortunately our mental health care system is broken and unless he wants help nobody will force him to get it. That's the law. You can not be forced into treatment unless you are, at the moment, suicidal or homicidal. And you saw how they handle it...two days of observation or so. Our biggest mental health facilities are our jails and prisons . Sad but true. I saw a very upsetting documentary on how this is the case. The mentally ill can choose to stay sick. It is their civil rights. Seriously.

    I am sorry. There is nothing you can do if your son will not willingly get help. But you can protect yourself and the others who live with you by making him use government services to survive rather than your home. It is too bad we no longer have involuntary commitment, but we don't so the chronically mentally ill are often homeless or with terrified family.

    I wish I knew good resources. I wish our country did not extend total civil rights to the mentally ill. I am very, very sorry.
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2016
  3. Rebeccabrown

    Rebeccabrown New Member



    Thank you for the reply..
    It's a really terrible system. I can't believe the lack of help. We did put a violence order on him so he can't come near us but I just don't think it will stop him sadly. It seems they have to actually kill someone before anything is done which is just unbelievable to me.
     
  4. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom

    Hi Rebecca. I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I can't believe that there is only a 24 hour hold where you are. In Canada, we have voluntary and involuntary psychiatric holds. The involuntary ones vary from 72 hours to 21 days.

    Does your son have a mental health diagnosis? Is he on medication?

    Sadly, most of our children are experts at the system - they know what to say or do to convince the professionals that they don't require hospitalization. Your son will need to decide that he needs help himself.

    I would be worried for my own personal safety and that of my family members. You need to make that your priority now. I hope that there are some government services close by that could be of assistance to your son. SWOT is right - you will probably need to take out a protection order. You can't allow him back into your house right now.

    Prayers and hugs being sent to you.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    The way the mentally ill are treated in the U.S. is very disturbing. People like you who only want a safe, humane place for our kids to heal and live are left feeling helpless. It is so wrong. I would help the cause but don't know where to start. Does nobody but those here care about the problem? Nobody wants to help the mentally ill get help rather than hpmelessness
    homelessness or, worse, jail?
    I am so sad for you and your son. I wish I had wiser words. I do care though and am holding your hand. You are not alone.
     
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Rebecca, I am so sorry. Right now, your safety is the highest priority.

    You might try contacting NAMI, the Alliance on Mental Illness, you can reach them online and they have chapters in many cities. They offer many resources for us parents of mentally ill kids, I am not sure if they can offer you any more options or suggestions, but it may be worth a call to see what they have to say.

    Sending prayers for your family......
     
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  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi Rebecca, I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with.
    Your safety and the safety of your family and home must be first above all else.
    Also, please make sure you document everything. Anytime he threatens to harm himself or you, call the police. This will help to record a pattern of behavior. While I hope these are just idle threats you can never be too careful. If they are just idle threats your son will soon learn that you are serious by calling the police and will hopefully stop.
    I agree with RE that you need to contact NAMI.
    http://www.nami.org/
    Hang in there! I'm glad you are here with us Please keep posting and let us know how things are going.
    ((HUGS)) to you..........................
     
  8. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time Staff Member

    Hi Rebecca, please keep us posted on how you are, and how we can support you. We know this is heartbreaking.

    I'm so sorry that there seems to be no clear path right now. I am glad you pushed hard for them to keep him for at least a day.

    I agree with everyone here, that there must be a better way to handle this. What we are doing isn't working.

    I know there is greater emphasis on mental health and support for mental health solutions politically right now, so maybe there is hope for the future.

    We're here for you, regardless.
     
  9. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Agree. Don't let him back home. Not exactly sure what a violence order is. Is it like a restraining order? This sounds like a wise move. Check everywhere for mental health facilities. Consider speaking with an attorney about long term involuntary commitment. You might want to see if there is a local chapter of NAMI (a group for family/friends with mentally ill members). If so, no doubt some of them have knowledge of what is available locally.
     
  10. Rebeccabrown

    Rebeccabrown New Member

    Thank you all for your advice and support. He was transfered to another psychiatric hospital. I went there to see the Psychiatrist before she assessed him and played her the recordings I had of him threatening to kill us and himself. She did not tell him about them but went and assessed him. He denied ever doing anything that we said. Basically sat there and lied to her. But she heard it with her own ears so she's kept him in for now and is trying to figure out what is wrong with him as in a correct diagnosis. I'm in Australia actually so the laws are different. The first violence order allowed him to live at home but not threaten, harass or intimidate. He broke that one. The new one is he can't come within 500 metres of the house or us. He doesn't know this yet. The police will arrest him at the hospital when he is released and take him to the station to be charged. I feel really upset about everything. I know he is capable of violence. He has broken out of hospital in the past and chased a stranger with a knife. I want to somehow get a letter to the magistrate who sees his case because jail is not the answer for him. He is mentally ill and needs longer term psychiatric care. Which is near impossible to get over here. Thanks again everyone. I will let you know what happens. It breaks my heart knowing he will be homeless with nothing but I also know he can no longer be around his family. The saddest part is he doesn't think he needs help.
     
  11. Snow White

    Snow White Temporarily in the Magic Kingdom

    I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad the psychiatrist has kept him in. At least there is one more person who can attest to his behaviour.

    Is there any way that the psychiatrist can provide information to the magistrate so that perhaps some long term psychiatric care could be imposed?

    So many of our children do not think they need help. It breaks my heart. Hugs to you and your family.
     
  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Rebecca, it is so sad that he doesn't think he needs help but that is a fairly typical response for our kids and many who have mental illness.

    You've come to grips with the fact that he cannot be around his family, which is so hard.......now it's the details......and you're doing all you can.

    Remember to take good care of yourself, now is the time to put the focus on yourself.