Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Mar 16, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If I don't vent I don't stand a chance of sleeping tonight.

    Seems around here we're on a roll of bad carp coming down. First Nichole with the surgeries, then mother in law, then my computer died, husband got pneumonia and was off work a week (driving me insane the whole time), then he got a flat tire which he still hasn't replaced. sister in law got informed of layoffs at work. Fortunately he's not being laid off but they have switched the days he works, so easy child had to ask me if I'd babysit when she works again. (of course this happened after she'd arranged to work per sister in law's schedule before the layoffs) And mother in law's pain mounts daily and her misery increases ten fold.:mad:

    And because of all of this carp...I still haven't been able to catch up on cleaning the house.

    I *think* I managed to pawn off the babysitting onto someone else. I'm not interested in doing it again because I know once I do, easy child won't even look for another sitter. She's done it to me twice now. She's not thrilled with me, but she's dealing with it.

    We're broke and I don't know where husband is going to get the money for that darn tire. But he can't keep driving to cincy on that little spare thing they give you.

    Nichole has had nothing but doctor appoints since friday. The pics of her liver were sent via fam doctor to UC to see what they think. So I've watched Aubrey while she goes to each appointment. Today watched Darrin and Brandon too as easy child had her finals to take in Dayton.

    Then just as I think I can unwind for a quite evening at home........The nursing home calls. mother in law needs me now. God help me she does this every time I skip a day of seeing her.:faint: I didn't go see her yesterday because I was taking a very much needed day to myself. I'd planned to see her first thing tues morning.

    So I get there and mother in law is in horrendous pain. PT has finally been walking her. And I'm sorry but I think that hip is broken. Her pain is now intolerable. Even with percacets and tylenol arthritis, she's not getting any relief.

    So what did she need me for?? She was confused about her medication dosages. Stupid nurse last night messed a dose up and gave her 2 percacets at once. mother in law slept like a baby relatively pain free. But of course after PT when mother in law asked for the same, no one would give it to her that way because that's not how it was ordered. I talked to medication nurse...again. (we're getting to know each other quite well) I looked at the doctor orders myself. Except for the mess up last night, she's getting them as ordered. So I explained to her again.

    Her doctor was in and he thinks the hip is broken too. So? Why did the idiot talk her out of the MRI that would have told us that?? And now he suggested surgery. mother in law is in such agony she's seriously considering it. Not in hopes of getting better, but in hopes of dying on the table.:(

    in my opinion surgery is not going to help mother in law. At 95 she has a super high risk of dying on the table or never waking up. (and she has issues with shaking off anesthetic anyway) She is too weak and frail to manage the intensive PT that follows such a surgery. It was grueling for my Mom who is 20 yrs younger than mother in law. But mother in law is in so much pain she just wants relief.

    Her 20 days at the nursing home is nearly up. And she's worse than when she went in. Not the fault of the staff. They've been good to her. Just the way it is. I know money is super tight with her budget, but other than that I know nothing of her finances. I always figured it was none of my business. But I seriously doubt she can pay 4000 a month for the nursing home ontop of her monthly bills with the house. And there is no way in hades we can sell the house that fast. (if it sells on this market at all)

    Meanwhile I think of husband's brother and wife all comfy down in virginia and I want to scream. I'm left with all the heavy work while they enjoy their retirement. I like sister in law, always have......don't give a hoot for husband's brother. But it's not fair all of this got dropped into my lap when I've already got too heavy a d*mn load to carry.:mad:

    easy child tells me tonight "Mom, you have too much on your plate, you're going to snap under the strain."

    Gee?? Ya think?? :faint:

    "So? How much are you going to take over?"

    easy child "Me? I have blah blah blah going on......"

    Yeah. I thought so.:ashamed:

    Someone reserve me a padded room in a nice quite place. If things keep progressing as they are.....I'm goint to need it in the not so distant future.

    Now, hopefully I can sleep. mother in law has a list of things for me to do in the morning......and I have Aubrey while Nichole goes to class in the afternoon.
  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Vent away. Sending many hugs. I am good at helping wish I was closer to offer a hand. Take some deep breaths and try sleep. I hope you are resting even as I type.

  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. If we still lived in Cincy I would find a way to help out. Is it time to insist that husband start visiting his mother daily or would that just add to your burden? Maybe you should thank easy child for the things you are going to dump on her? Whatever happens, remember that SOMEONE has to have all the stuff you do for mother in law written down in case something happens and YOU get sick. You seem to be the ONLY one who is "in charge" of stuff for her.

    With her house, seeing as mother in law is 95 and in frail health, would a reverse mortgage be something to consider? Not sure if you know about them, but as I understand it you get a monthly payment that should many things, still get to live in the house until you die, and then on your death the lender pays off the balance and owns the home. Or something like that. I may have some of the details wrong. But I know it is supposed to help take the burden of the house off of you (upkeep and such) and still let you live there until your death. If mother in law is ever healthy enough to return home she could. And teh family could take whatever time in getting things ready rather than a rush to sell it now to fund a nursing home or whatever.

    Vent anytime, sweetie.

    If you are ANYWHERE near that vet's address I sent you, let me know. PLEASE let me know. He was in Mt. Orab or Williamsburg. Just a PM is fine.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you vented! You are carrying way too much right now and it stinks! I am sorry your mother in law is in so much pain. I'm glad you were able to turn easy child down about babysitting. I wish I had a magic wand to wave to lessen your load and make everything better.

    Please be sure you are taking care of you which can't be easy right now with all you have going on. Hugs.
  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    That old saying, "When it rains, it pours..." is unfortunately so true sometimes. Life isn't fair and you're right - You've got way too much carp on your plate right now.

    Forget about the house!!! The dirt and dust aren't going anywhere... In the scheme of things, don't sweat the small stuff. I'm glad you're not going to babysit for easy child. easy child needs to stop depending on you - She is an adult and knows how much garbage you have to deal with now.

    I'm keeping Nichole in my thoughts and prayers... When will you have the results of all these doctors appointments?

    As far as the tire, you're right - husband can't continue to drive with it. If he gets into an accident, it'll only make things much, much worse. Can you charge another tire? I know this isn't a good solution but what other choices do you have?

    I'm sorry you're mother in law is suffering. I agree with whoever suggested that your husband start visiting her daily. in my humble opinion, your husband should be doing lots more - Afterall, IT IS HIS MOTHER!!!:mad:

    Anyway, vent as much as you need to. I know it helps me just to get my thoughts out. Sending lots of hugs... WFEN
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    What size tire?
  7. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Oh my, Lisa, I'm sorry. That's too much for anyone. I like some of the suggestions you've had - maybe husband could visit more, depending on his work schedule? And especially, it sounds like a family meeting with mother in law and the doctor is needed to work out the plan that will be best for mother in law? Maybe surgery isn't the right thing but pain relief sure is! At least the doctor could lay out the options, risks, etc. and then some decisions could be made. In the meantime I feel terrible that your mother in law is in such pain. The doctor could address that immediately without waiting for a family meeting.

    The reverse mortgage idea is a really good one too. Unfortunately your mother in law is going to need more nursing care now with her hip.

    And you need some respite! I hope you got some sleep and time to yourself. Vent away and I hope very much that things will improve.
  8. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    So sorry for your current state of distress. You know the saying about God not giving us any more than we can handle? I sometimes wish He'd find me less capable... How about you?

    Reverse mortgage info regarding residency - the program is set up to keep seniors RESIDING in their homes, allowing for extended time away (up to one year) for hospitalization, nursing home care, etc. Loan becomes due an payable after that - which could force a sale/foreclosure.

    Is mother in law of sound mind to sign loan documents? Does she have a durable power of attorney appointing husband (or you) for financial, legal and health matters?

    Saying prayers and sending good thoughts your way.
  9. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    Lisa - check your pms