difficult child and I spent 2 hours in the evaluating psychologist's office today. In those two hours I had to restrain difficult child twice, put her at parade rest four times (what I use instead of time out, works much better for us... also prompted the psychologist to ask if I was prior military, oops I guess it still shows!), toppled over a chair while in it, fell twice, went totally bonkers kicking everything she could and basically showed her worst... and best. They almost completed half the tests which was more than the psychiatric expected. At the point where difficult child gave up, she was answering everything with the word "blethera" aka "I'm done, leave me alone" I was very careful to give the psychologist only the facts, and never to voice my opinions on what could truly be the right diagnosis. Secretly, I've been leaning towards ADHD and ODD for longer than I've liked my 'new' pair of shoes. She was so kind to me and so observant with difficult child, catching things that my overly tired brain totally forgot about. She asked tons of questions, observed, played and tested. Finally she turned to me and said her final decision was that difficult child is on the extreme level of ADHD, ODD and sensory processing disorder (SPD). She suggested we try a fast acting, temporary ADHD medication which will show us if it helps and if difficult child will suffer any side effects quickly, then if it does help we can move onto a permanent form. She also suggested speech therapy (hello, been screaming for this for over a year!), occupational therapy (wait, someone to HELP difficult child handle things better?!? CONCEPT!), developmental preschool for 2 years and possibly a sleep medication if difficult child quits responding to the melatonin. She also wants a neurologist to do an MRI for these shudders difficult child has been doing since we're unsure if it's the depakote or difficult child and she's not quite off the depakote yet, 3 more days! She went on to say that her hope is to keep difficult child in a regular classroom in her k-12 years and if we are willing to do everything possible, she thinks it's doable. She really focused on difficult child's education, social skills and sleep issues, my sanity, easy child's safety and husband's ability to handle it all. I'm getting pretty used to being asked if I'm medicated yet and seeing the lack of surprise on their faces when I say "No, but I started smoking again and I don't think I have the capacity to quit at the moment." I cried all the way home. I know public school systems, I know what a struggle we have ahead of us. I finally had to tell myself "hey, you know the 8 or so years you planned to go to school while the girls were in school? yeah, forget it." I know there's a slim possibility but frankly I can't think that way. If giving difficult child the best chance means giving up on my dreams, I won't hesitate. My parents took the news a tad bit better than the bipolar news, husband took it like a champ. I think his first thought was "Hey, I understand her now!" Unfortunately he now thinks this will be a piece of cake. He's thinking once we get the magic pill she'll be *voila* normal. I guess he'll figure it out. In the meantime I appealed to him using a totally new tactic..."you know exactly what she's going through, you have the perfect opportunity to come riding in like a white knight and relate to her, and to help me understand!" It seemed to transform him. As I finished talking I could practically see his chest puff up like a cartoon rooster and he spoke with a more certain tone when he said he'd do his best. I'll try anything to get him to be more understanding and maybe since he knows what she's going through he'll finally quit being a jerk about it. The pediatrician should be contacting me tomorrow with info on medications, I'm calling the district tomorrow, a friend who is a Special Education teacher is willing to go with me for that, I'll also be calling insurance to find an occupational therapist and speech therapist. Right now I feel raw, overwhelmed and just plain tired. I have hope, truly I do. I'm happy with the results but right now I just want to sleep for a week.