Very Angry Very Long Post

[envisablepuppet]

Hello everyone

Like I said I am so angry and I'm searching for advice please.

Here's what happened:


difficult child and I leave little notepads for each other on the desk top of my easy child because she works days and I work nights so some times we don't see each other for days at a time. Most of the notes are little love notes or one of us asking the other if they'd like to get together for a day on the weekend or even leave just a silly little joke we heard.

Well last night I she left this for me!!!


"Lori ******* is a b**** mom! i went to subway to get something to eat today after i cashed my checks and while i was paying i heard her whisper"shes selling drugs" to someone whom im assuming has kids in her school from the conversation they were having before this...anyways i turned around and said excuse me Lori but i work 6 days a week doing construction not that its any of your business...she just stood there looking at me..i was thinking after i walked out that i should have said "you've been spreading rumors about me since i was 12, aren't you ever going to grow up?!" anyways i love you and ill talk to you tomorrow or Saturday :smile: oh yeah...i didn't tell dad i don't want him to say anything to her and you better not either k."

Instant rage erupted from me. I hate that woman!!! I am not a hateful person and I need to be able to give this to God because me and hate do not coexist well together. We never have. My first reaction was to tell husband. My second was want to find the woman and pull her evil tongue right out of her head. I did neither of these because difficult child asked me not to.

Now here's my problem and a little background. I brought this evil woman into my daughters life and almost made her difficult children guardian in case anything ever happened to husband and I. I have known her for years and always thought she was a good person. I worked with her when I was very young. She runs a Christian School here in town and I did a lot of homeschooling with her. I helped with the school at it's first inception and was with her pretty much daily for about 2 years. We did a lot together. She took care of difficult child when husband and I had to be out of town for a week. We were very good friends.

Here's what made us not such good friends. She says really, really bad things about a lot of her students and some of the parents. No one is safe. She is an excellent teacher but says horrible, terrible things about some of the kids in whispers behind closed doors. She says them to anyone who will listen. For this reason she loses a lot of students and a lot of friends. If I was to post the kind of things she says, I'm sure my post would be removed and I'd be hearing from Fran. It's really that bad.

She attends Church almost daily and praises God after every sentence that leaves her mouth. She considers herself as a religious pillar in our community. She has been asked to leave at least 3 different churches because of her gossiping and the horrible things she says. She told me that herself.

Now this is what I need advice on. I want to either confront her on it this time instead of letting it slide like I have in the past, or go to her church leader and speak to him about her, or speak with her husband who is a very nice guy. They already have issues because she does this and I think they are only together because of the kids.

If I confront her in person, what I will say to her is what a hypocrite I think she is and if there is a hell she will get there faster then difficult child because of all the life's she has severely damaged because of her evil mouth. At least difficult child has a conscience and a sensitive heart. She has neither. I will use the guilt card on her about how she should be helping struggling young ppl not trying to ruin their life's. She considers teaching as her path in life.

If I go to her pastor, I will tell him what she has done and ask him to counsel her on it.

If I talk to her husband, I will ask him to tell her to shut her mouth as I'm sure he has already done many, many times. If I go to him it might be the straw that breaks his back so I'm not sure about doing that anyway. I'm sure he will hear about it but I'm not sure I want it to be me he hears it from.

I will talk with difficult child before I do anything but I'm not letting it go this time. I just can't. If husband finds out I don't even want to think about what he may do. This has happened to many times and because of this woman difficult child has been completely shunned in our town.

What do you guys think I should do? I'm thinking of doing all three of the above. Any input would be great.

Lea

 

[KFld]

Hi Lea,
I think I might go to the church first because I think they need to know what kind of person she really is. If she is as bad as you feel she is, then talking to her will mean nothing because she will just believe you are wrong and she is right.
Then on the other hand, sometimes it's better to just ignore people like her and not waste an ounce of your energy because chances are everyone else knows how she is and she's the one who looks bad, not the people she's talking about.

 

[DDD]

I am totally uncomfortable with heavy duty anger issues. Yes
I know I give advice freely around here but I am NOT the one
to offer guidance on justified long-held negative feelings.
Like you I have read about the subject and "know" that it hurts the angry person more than the object of the anger to
let it fester.

I'm 66 years old and I have three people who have done enough harm to my family tht I still wouldn't dare try to explore it further. Two out of three I tried conversation
in a "nice" "level voice tone" way. It did NO good.

I'm sorry it is eating you up. I hope your choice brings you to a happier place. Hugs. DDD

 

[envisablepuppet]

Thanks for the responses lady's :smile:

Karen- I am very much leaning toward talking to her pastor. I know a very wonderful lady that goes to the same church as her and will ask for her guidance in this as well.

My main motivation at this point is not just the damage to my difficult child but the damage she has caused and is causing to a lot of the young ppl in this community that have gotten off track. In her eyes it doesnt take much to get off track. Our ideas of TTs here would be evil teens headed straight to **** to her. She does not practice what she preaches. From what she has told me she was a difficult child as a teen. Go figure huh.

She has caused a lot of grief, pain, and embarrassment to a lot of good ppl here. I know things about one of her children that I'd never repeat because of the damage it would do her child. difficult child also knows these things but doesnt tell. I don't ever want to be that kind of a person.

DDD- You'll be happy to hear, that the hate I was feeling has turned to pity. I'm not very good at hating ppl :laugh:. I think it was more anger then hate and I feel better now. Now if I can just help her to see the harm she causes...

Lea

 

[TYLERFAN]

Hi Lea:

I can understand how you feel.
The woman is probably a very unhappy person who doesn't like herself very much ergo her need to recklessly gossip about others. This type of person is rarely moved by any sort of confrontation, it will just be more "food" for the fodder, if ya know what I mean......
To harbor hate and resentment about this is only hurting you. I know she has spread ugly rumors about your child, however, do you think confronting this type of person will really stop her? I doubt it. She sounds just like my difficult child's Grandmonster, a hateful, selfish, ignorant person with whom I have had confrontations....Guess what? She is still the same and says and does the same hurtful things to my difficult child. She tells other people these things as well.
You are right to reduce her to pity...she is pitiful. I wouldn't say anything to the pastor or anyone really. I am sure most people realize what is "up" with her including her husband.
Don't let this issue rent space in your head. It's not worth it. Your continuing support of difficult child and difficult child's continuing recovery and growth will speak volumes to the community on it's own. You can't "help her see the harm she's done" because she doesn't chose to see it, otherwise she wouldn't be wagging her tongue.
Your difficult child has made tremendous progress, go out and celebrate that. Surround yourself with positive people and remember....whatever goes around usually comes around......Put it in your Higher Powers' hands.
Good Luck and great to see you posting again.

Blessings,
Melissa *

 

[SunnyFlorida]

I don't think I'd take this any further Lea. I think I'd grab your daughter who has come so far, go for a coffee or ice cream and say a little prayer to help this evil filled woman create change in her life.

If you respond to this, which is nothing provable, you fall right into that trap. Could this be libel? possibly, but you'd have to prove it.

I hope you and your family have no connections to this vile woman and I hope you don't attend the same church. For her to say such awful things is beyond imagination.

If you do speak to her paster, what would you say? so and so said so and so and it really hurts us....can you do something? If it really bothers you, instead of asking the preacher to do something, you might as him to include a sermon about gossiping instead. Enlist the pastor's help might be an option.

 

[rejectedmom]

If you are really eaten p over this and need to do something maybe you should concider consulting an attorney to draft a letter stating that you intend to sue her for slander if she doesn't stop her slanderous gossip. It might be more effective than speaking to her or to her pastor... especially since you say she has already been thrown out of three congregations. -RM

 

[Sunlight]

ant had a cousin...just last week...who told a family that they should not let their daughter talk to him as he was bad news.

the girl told ant. ant was so upset..he said his past is never going to go away. I was upset too. my nephew who spread this is no angel himself. grrr

I did tell my sister to talk to her son if she could. she agreed her son should not talk about ant.

I felt like calling her son myself but my anger would hav probably got in the way of any useful words.

your daughter asked you to keep this private, so you must. otherwise your daughter will not feel safe talking to you. Pray for your enemies.

 

[envisablepuppet]

Thanks everyone for the responses they are appreciated.

I talked to my difficult child and explained to her what I feel I should do about the situation. She is ok with what I suggested and my reasons for wanting to take some kind of action. It's not just my difficult child she does this to. It's any child or young adult that she personally finds fault with. The things she says is so hurtful and most of the time completely untrue. That is what bothers me.

I am thinking about writing her a letter. When she was schooling my daughter she was constantly asking her "What would Jesus do?" She even gave difficult child a bracelet to remind her. She told me herself that she has a very serious problem with her gossiping and she really needs to get it under control. That was several years ago and it's apparent that she has worked really hard to get herself under control. Not!!!

As time passes my hostility lessens. I do feel that writing her a letter and asking HER "what would Jesus do" would not be out of line. I will be asking and telling her more than that. I will ask her what she is going to do when she is standing in front of GOD and he asks her who she got permission from to judge people so harshly because I'm sure he will tell her he doesnt remember giving her the go ahead.

No I won't say it just like that but I'm sure you get the idea.

She is always praising God, she listens to nothing but Christian music and always talks about how religious she is. I have no problem with that. As a rule I admire it. I'm pretty spiritual myself just not the same as she is. But then I don't want to be that kind of Christian either. I try to be honest at least. The only reason I am even talking about her here is because it is anonymous and won't hurt her.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a post on religion and will understand if it gets removed. I'm not sure of the rules on this kind of topic. It just kinda comes with the person I'm dealing with. I used to really like this woman, she was one of my best friends and it really saddens me to know that this is causing her and others such shame and grief. She doesnt keep many friends because of this one problem. It's just sad.

Still not sure what I'll do or if I'll do anything at all. But anyway...

Happy Holidays Everyone /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/11-24c.gif