Waiting for the worst...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Apr 5, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    difficult child goes to an arraignment on Tues. He might be put in detention then due to his suspended sentence and these 2 recent charges. He's on suspension until then (coincidence, I'm sure :sheepish:).

    It's pretty difficult for us both to prepare for court and get a ton of school work done that they gave him for time on suspension and do community service (picking up garbage from public places for lack of better idea). And, I'm trying to spend a little time with him because I know he might not be here for over 5 mos- maybe even a year or so- and who knows if they will go back to the placement somewhere else (Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) or something. They looked into that before but found it would have to be out of state. I can only hope that they wouldn't (GAL wouldn't) call my bro and tell him they would consider him taking custody. :confused:

    But still, I think the school is the biggest issue that is ongoing- it has been a problem for 3 years and will continue to be one- I am sure of that now- as long as he is in this sd. I know I could asked for an IEP meeting to review placement, but they tried last year to put him in a school for severe behavior problems that had less than 20% of students ever go back to mainstream. And, he hadn't exhibited the type of behavior at school that other kids who go to that school exhibit. And, from what I read, this is not a good idea for BiPolar (BP) kids, even if they exhibited that behavior. There are no private schools that I am aware of around here that work with kids with mood disorders - the regular private schools would only be the same as public school, I imagine, and maybe worse. If difficult child goes to detention, I want to file a complaint against the school. If he's not above the law, they aren't either.

    If he doesn't go to detention, I cringe at the thought of him going back to that school Tues. pm or Wed. am. I really cringe- and wish there were a way to have someething else available. The middle school director of spec. ed says they will look into getting a specialist in mood disorders involved but that it is the repsonsibility of the principal to see that the IEP is appropriately implemented. Well, I know that, but since she hasn't made sure IDEA was followed in 2 years, I don't think she is going to now. And last year and this year, when I pushed the IEP issue they found a way to get difficult child out, at least for a while, but they tried for permanently out. They might have succeeded this time.

    So what can I due? Mediation is not binding and if they don't follow the IEP, they won't follow that agreement. What would due process accomplish if now they are going to start filing criminal charges on top of suspending?:angry-very:

    With the housing market the way it is and the house with a hole in a wall and door trim hanging off a couple of doors, how could I ever sell this house quickly? I couldn't I'm sure. I don't know why I thought maybe the higher ups at the sd would step in and force the school to comply with the law, but I had some hope there.

    Thanks for being here. If any one has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Right now, I can't see a single light at the end of the tunnel. :mad::mad: :sad-very:
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First off hugs. This is so frustrating. I don't understand why sds can get away with-out following IEPs. Have you posted this on the Special Education forum to see if they have any ideas? I'll be keeping you and difficult child in my thoughts and prayers on Tuesday.
  3. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    Sending support your way! The school peice...taking it to hearing is the best way to go sometimes as that IS legally binding. There aqre often advocacy groups that will provide legal counsel or perhaps the GAL can have an Ed Advocate appointed. Each state is different though. Post this on the Special Education forum--they can be very helpful. Systems are awful, they are supposed to be there to help they make life so difficult for your kids.

    Good Luck
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks! Yeah- my experience has been that the few times any public agency or institution (like school) was involved that I thought might help, they really make things worse. Kind of makes me think twice about those taxes I pay!!
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    (flicks flashlight on, flicks it off, flicks it on, flicks it off) - I never want anyone I know to think there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

    I've been where you are, (oh right I'm there again with Dude maybe going in for 15 years) and I know how you feel. On one hand when Dude went to Department of Juvenile Justice I thought well if THIS place doesn't teach him a lesson nothing will, and then I would think about all the stuff he would learn IN Department of Juvenile Justice - figuring he would come out THUG supreme. IT was ghastly.

    The good thing out of all of this - IS ---while he would NEVER admit it to me - or anyone else, he DOES now have a better respect of rules and people in authority. Not to say that he is better, but at least he came out of Department of Juvenile Justice better able to hold his tongue with authority figures knowing it CAN get much worse.

    THe sick joke is that we know our kids need help - not jail. Yet despite all our IEPS and the IDEA laws, 504, and so on = in the real world there is no separate set of rules for them. That's what I think stinks. I mean if they could BEHAVE like 'norm' then norm rules apply , but if they can't - someone should come up with an IBP (individual behavior plan) for OUR kids for jail..or the avoidance of it.

    Your school is trying to teach your son a lesson BECAUSE they don't understand or won't believe that he has a mental disorder. If they had a kid like ours - I often wonder if they would be more willing to treat him like he has the disability he has. Not like a normal kid that is just behaving badly.....and needs punishment to correct the behavior.

    If we knew what corrected their behaviors and made them normal doesn't anyone THINK as their parents who HAVE to live with them and endure their behaviors would DO just that? ARGH.

    You have my biggest hugs tonight -
    Wish I had an answer for you - but I just have words to send some comfort in knowing what you're going through.

  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks, Star!! I know you (and Dude) are going through worse- and I want to send HUGS to you, too.

    About the behavior- yeah, I know it doesn't fit the norm. I know he can't help ALL of it and it is definetly NOT all intentional. It isn't my goal, though, for people to make excuses for him all his life- the whole idea of IDEA, I believe, is that it teaches them and helps bridge the gap between what they are capable of now and what they need to be capable of as adults.- The concept of The Explosive Child- you know, it isn't that we think they are idoits that can't learn and should just have a different set of rules. But, taking the stand that "live by the rules now or you are out" will never make it happen- it makes it worse because it sets them up for failure after failure and not only that, it undoes what little progress has been made.

    And I am sure- I'm preaching to the choir here, right!! LOL!! I'm just venting to those I know can understand, so thanks to all for being here.

    Star, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wish I had some bright ideas, but I just don't. Just sending hugs.

    I worry that difficult child's school wil eventually boot him. I'm borrowing trouble by doing this, but I am really afraid the honeymoon is over with him and his true colors are showing thru...we will see.
  8. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    I wish I believed the school was trying to teach a lesson, but I fear the school is instead trying to find any chance they have to be rid of your son, so he is no longer their responsibility. :-( The school is showing themself------they are taking the "easy way out" and "passing the buck"
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs...wish I had answers.
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    All I can offer is my prayers for your situation - it's all so frustrating. As a parent I often wonder how much of the tweedles antics are deliberate & "normal" & what is illness. I guess it just doesn't matter.

    Be gentle with yourself right now. It's out of your hands, for the most part.