Was I wrong?

[Shari]

If you recall, there was more than a bit of tension this past Christmas when my in-law's, easy child 2's mother, and her mother (easy child 2's grandmother) bought easy child 2 a video game behind our backs and then told her to hide it from us (the reason for hiding it is unclear).
***
To put it mildly, I was p*ssed, and it was the final straw with the in-laws. Either they were going to treat me with some respect (including not making their granddaughter lie to me), or I was walking away from them all. I still think I would have.
***
easy child 2 was recently here on spring break for 6 days. One afternoon, my mom watched the kids while I worked, and she took them to the park. Wee difficult child took his Heelies, and easy child 2 made the comment that she wished she could bring hers. I bit and asked, and she has a pair at her mom's, but she said her mom won't let her bring them here because 'she might forget to take them back home'. But her mom also 'never takes her anywhere to use them, either'. easy child 2 was upset. (mom also won't let her bring the video game here, nor any books to read, basically anything mom buys is not allowed to come here…which I think is very wrong - particularly because we fund a lot more than half...)
***
If you'll recall, easy child 2 is primarily raised by maternal grandma. Grandma gets her on the bus and off, buys what she needs, sometimes including groceries, takes her to the doctor and stays with her when she's sick, etc. Mom doesn't even have a copy of easy child 2's insurance card " just grandma. If we want or need something and can't get ahold of mom, we're supposed to call grandma, she has 'the power to make decisions'.
***
So I told easy child 2 to call grandma the next morning, explain that my mom was taking them to the park and she wanted to Heeley, and ask grandma if she could get them. I suspected grandma would not object and of course, she didn't.
***
Was I just as bad as them, going behind mom's back? 'Cause all this weekend, I've felt guilty!

 

[trinityroyal]

Nope, you weren't wrong.
You put easy child 2's interests first, and handled it in a conflict-free way.

I think you did the right thing.

Trinity

 

[hearts and roses]

No I don't think you were wrong at all.

Incidentally, and not to sound completely ignorant, but what is a Heeley??

 

[Shari]

Heelies are those tennis shoes with a little wheel in the heel, so you can kinda "skate".

 

[klmno]

I don't see anything wrong with what you did- not being able to use them at an appropriate place and time seems silly to me.

 

[WhymeMom?]

As long as you didn't say......"Don't tell your mom"......... then you would be on "her" level....... put it out in the open if it does come up, don't make easy child swing with mom's wrath (even though it is unjustified). And for heaven's sake don't let her forget to take them to her other home.........

 

[Shari]

Nope, I didn't tell her to hide it. I just kinda played the clock a little.

I considered taking easy child to mom's house that night before they were going to the park. I figured if we showed up unannounced and I was there when easy child asked to bring them, well...mom has a slightly harder time being quite so irrational directly to my face. But I figured this would be easier on easy child.

I desperately wanted to take them to maternal grandma's when she had to go back to mom's, tho, so she wouldn't have to walk in the house with them and risk the wrath (but that would have been hiding something, and I wasn't willing to go that far). I told her to tell mom the truth (grandma was taking them to the park to use them and she wanted to participate) and if mom had a problem with it, to take it up with me, not easy child. easy child just wanted to go skating with step-grandma, and I don't think very many people are going to see any harm in that.

 

[butterflydreams]

I don't think you were wrong at all. You thought about easy child's wants and needs. And you were told to contact grandma.

 

[trinityroyal]

I desperately wanted to take them to maternal grandma's when she had to go back to mom's, tho, so she wouldn't have to walk in the house with them and risk the wrath (but that would have been hiding something, and I wasn't willing to go that far). I told her to tell mom the truth (grandma was taking them to the park to use them and she wanted to participate) and if mom had a problem with it, to take it up with me, not easy child. easy child just wanted to go skating with step-grandma, and I don't think very many people are going to see any harm in that.

You TOTALLY did the right thing.

I especially like this part, where you showed easy child a clear example of how this sort of thing should be handled. Truthful and above-board, while shielding her from any possible punishment that might result.

It's hard being the only sane person in the room. You start to question whether everyone else is nuts or if it's just you. But you managed this like a trouper!

Trinity