We have a date, now what...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by butterflydreams, Jun 24, 2008.

  1. Well I have a definite date of July 1st (or so I am told) for difficult child to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I was told by the intake person that the only thing now is the time. I am to let them know what time. The current patient is due to leave at 9am - so anytime after that.

    Now I just need to figure out the hows. How and when to tell difficult child. I have asked numerous people that are familiar with difficult child give me several different answers. I called and left a message for difficult child's psychiatrist giving the date and how to handle it. difficult child does have a psychiatrist appointment on Friday at noon, but I don't want to wait until then to talk to psychiatrist, I want psychiatrist to have a heads up before then.

    The opinions I have received are don't tell him until the morning of, start dropping hints now, tell him as soon as you have a definite date, or don't tell him at all just show up. These opinions all come from his current therapist, his past therapist, his therapist from when he was at psychiatric hospital, the psychologist at the psychiatric hospital, and the intake specialist at the psychiatric hospital.

    difficult child has huge trust issues already. When he went inpatient last time, he kept asking me to be upfront with him on what was happening. He has said numerous times he still can't trust me because his very first hospitalization I just took him there without telling him why.

    I really don't know what to expect from him. A lot depends on his mood. Last time I really expected him to blow up and he didn't. When they put him inpatient directly from partial back in March, everyone expected to see some kind of blow up and there was none. He was just clueless how he ended up inpatient because he thought he was doing better even though he had been on a rapid decline.

    I hate to say it but I just want Tuesday to come so that maybe, just maybe my stomach can settle down.

  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you have a date. I've never been in that situation before so I'm not sure when I would tell him. I'm sure others who have been there done that will have some good ideas. Hugs.
  3. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Ohhh...I don't know what to say as far as the "hows". That's rough....but, it sounds as if you "go with the flow" & "feel" the mood with difficult child. So, it will come to you.

    I'm sending {{{hugs}}} & hope it goes as smoothly as possible ;)
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    If it were me, I'd probably tell him the day or two before. If he has friends he wants to see before going, he can do that. He'll have time to pack what he wants to take and he'll have time to spend with you, as well as prepare himself for going. If you tell him too soon, it might just give him time to kick any anxiety up.

    I definitely would not take him without telling him beforehand.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I guess for me it would largely depend on the reaction you think you'll get from him. Will he run? Will he be terrible? Will he take it and accept he needs help? Etc.

    If you don't think he'd run away or go to other great lengths to avoid it, I'd play into the trust factor and tell him ahead of time, if possible. Perhaps even have the doctor tell him, as tho you are just finding out, as well. But it really would depend on what I thought his reaction would be,

    Hugs. Has to be hard.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Christy, I feel for you.
    I echo the questions and sentiments of Shari.
    Major League hugs.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think this is one of those things you have to trust your instincts on. Will he fight going? Will he try to hurt you if you drive him yourself? Will he run away if he knows he is going (that may be what the psychiatric hospital people are afraid of)? Will he just pack up what he needs, say his good-byes and get into the car like he is going to Disney World?

    I don't have answers, but my thoughts and hugs are with you.
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I remember when I was in your boat, 3 years ago. I too was terrified to tell my daughter she was going into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). As soon as the facility had a bed I told her because we had to take her to tour the place and she had to have an interview, so she knew about a month before she actually went in. She was extremely mad and freaked out for a bit, however it wasn't as bad as I had expected. I think on some level she knew she needed it.

    You know your child best, so do what you think will make it as easy as possible for all involved. I know the feeling you have in your stomach, you just want to get it over with. Since he asked you to be up front with him maybe you should just tell him. How ever you choose to do it, just know that you are doing this for him because you love him. We as parents, have to unfortunately make these hard decisions. It stinks!!!!

    Good luck. :)
  9. Thank you everyone. I know in my mommy heart that this is the right thing to do, it is just so hard.

    I discussed this with my parents last night, since I have asked them to come over and go with me to take him. I expect more of crying and begging not to make him go more than anything. After talking with my dad, I have determined that I am going to see if the psychiatrist will tell him on Friday when we are at the appointment, I have a call into him now to discuss this. If we can't do it this way, then I will tell him Monday after work. I think he needs time to process but not too much time. I don't really expect violence from him on this, more so the crying and begging and pleading. Last time I expected a fight on his end, he didn't put up any. I guess it all depends on his mood too. I am also going to ask psychiatrist if necessary can I give him a boost up on his Seroquel.

    Thanks for the hugs and the support.

  10. Christy

    Christy New Member

    I've got no experience with this situation but I am glad things are moving forward and wish you the best!
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I will be sending positive calming vibes your way.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope the psychiatrist will help out with this. I also know the butterflies in your stomach. I am sending positive, calming, strengthening vibes to you.

  13. Thank you Steely and Susie for the calming vibes, I can really use them. Now add to it that I have caught a cold and my head feels like it is going to implode. I know, my resistance is down because of all the stress. I will be glad to talk to the psychiatrist tomorrow. I have also found out that I have to wait until between 3-4pm on Tuesday to take difficult child in because they other parent wont be there until 1:30pm to pick up their child. Now I have to decide if I take off 1/2 day or all day on Tuesday. I really can't afford to take off a full day. I will make my decision based on my conversation with the psychiatrist tomorrow.

  14. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!


    Saying prayers that your talk with your son will go as smooth as possible and that he is not too anxious and upset.

    I have the same scenario coming up in the very near future with Aly, so this thread was very helpful for me to read. Aly is a majorly anxious child so I think we won't tell her till the last possible second. Although tdocs feel she should be part of the discussion process, I am not so sure that is such a great idea. We shall see...

    Hugs, hugs and more hugs,
  15. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Neither of my children were told ahead of time; wm especially. For wm, we arranged others to transport him straight from the psychiatric hospital (both times) - 2 big burly men in another vehicle. I met them at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), signed the papers & left in a very short period. I arranged for the admit interview for the next day when emotions & nerves weren't quite so raw.

    For kt, she was told an hour before admittance to Residential Treatment Center (RTC); we had 3 adults in the car for transport & the psychiatrist at the psychiatric hospital had given her a PRN shot for safe transport. Again, I arranged for admit interview for the next day though I could have done it in my sleep by then. "Transfer kt's name for wm & work out the treatment plan".

    Whatever you're plan, please have backup. Telling a difficult child too soon gives them time to mull things over; their anxiety tends to rise to an uncontrollable level & meltdowns, running, etc. ensues. At least with my difficult children.

    Good luck & keep us updated please.