Welcome Case 39

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by case 39, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. case 39

    case 39 New Member

    I feel your pain everyday. I adopted a 12 year old who 15 almost 16 now. It has been the worst experience of my life. She has a lot of the same behaviors your daughter has. She just recently got off probabtion for molesting my children. We called the police when we found out what she had ben doing to my 2 daughters. They told us because she is a sexual offender they couldn't take her to the recieving home. They wanted to take our other 4 children out of our home to the recieving home to keep them safe. They and we are already traumatized vicitims. My husband had to move out with her until the courts allowed her back in her our home. She has no conscience about what she did. We have bveen to so much conselling and court hearing with her and had probation officers in our house at their whim. We had no rights. We couldn't afford to put her in a group home. We still can't. If we have her write sentences she calls CPS and tells thiem we lock her in her room for 10 days not letting her out for anything and that we made her write 50000 sentences. All untrue and was found unfounded. She has written maybe 200 of the sentences she has been told to write as punishment for bad behavior. This is over 4 years. She will NOT do anything we tell her. She does no chores. She does not do her homework. Nothing works on her. She threatens us with false CPS reports. our lives are hell. We never know what she is going to do to us next. I want to run away with my kids to escape. I have constant diarrhea from all the stress. I don't like her around my kids. We have surviellence cameras installed around our house for our safety., We can never be alone with her because we don't know what she will say we do to her We need witnesses that we don't do anything to her. She told her thrapist i picked her up by her hair and threw her acros the room after I slapped her face. None of it happened. Thank /god I had a boken leg and ruptured tendon and couldnt even weight bear when she said I did it. Another unfounded CPS call. That is how she threatens us. She makes false CPS calls. I KNOW YOUR PAIN.. I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I have a 2 year count down and she is out. Thank you jesus. I hope I don't stroke out first.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Case 39. I moved your thread so more would see it because it was at the end of a very old thread.

    It sounds like you are really dealing with a lot. It definitely sounds like she should be removed not the other children. Sending gentle hugs your way.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi and welcome. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am really angry that your adoption team put this on you. NO way at age 12 they did not recognize the signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Is she adopted through foster care of is it an international adoption? There are several others of us who have kids who are on the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) spectrum. Others here who have it as serious as your child. Can you move to dissolve the adoption? I truly have compassion for her but she needs intensive residential treatment and if she was adopted thru foster care, your adoption agreement should have included a plan for therapy including residential.

    You can do a web search for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and here is a start:

    RadKid.Org: Sighs and Symptoms

    Reactive Attachment Disorder Treatment, Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

    Attachment Disorder Experts


    I am sorry your family is living like this and others here have had to work hard to make their families safe too. Do you have cameras in your home? I wonder if there is any way you can go after the adoption agency for her care. Did they with hold information? did they prepare you for the likelihood that a child of this age could have serious emotional and behavioral issues. I had a social worker tell me once that since I was a teacher these twins who were starting fires and destroying the foster mom's home would be fine because I was some how better than the foster mom.... I asked what kinds of supports I would be able to get for them if that was not the case. They would not put any kind of therapy provisions in the adoption agreement. I did not meet the girls nor did I accept the referral. When I was referred my son they offered a larger monthly stipend and included monies for any treatment that was not covered by his healthy insurance. They knew even though he was only two that he would potentially have a life time of special needs (in part because he had just had brain surgery). When a known risk is there, and behaviors are there, LOVE is not enough.

    I hurt for your daughter, she should never have been expected to do the impossible for her.... to bond to a family, until and if she responded to appropriate attachment therapy. And I am devastated for you and your hubby and other kids. Just not right. Attachment therapy is very specialized and those who are not fully trained in it can do much more damage than good. I am sure you already have experienced this.

    I hope you check in.... I imagine there will be others here you can really relate to. In fact just recently there have been a few new members in your shoes. I hope that you all can link up. MWM is a valued member who can absolutely relate. I hope she sees your post.... She is very knowledgeable and caring.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Welcome to the board. It sounds like your daughter has caused so much upheval in your lives and it sounds trite when the only thing that I can say is I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. The system should have seen that she was not going to be able to bond with a family and they never should have put her in a family with kids.

    The only question that I have is, if she molested your other kids why is she allowed back into the home? Can't they send her somewhere else?
  5. okmeme

    okmeme New Member

    Are we looking at two different people in the beginning? It is hard to tell who is who.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Case 39 started on the end of somebody else's thread, so the moderators moved it to a new thread.
    The "quoted" part is from the previous thread.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We had this situation and there was no way we were ever going to allow Molester back in the house. First of all, your child can do it again and she can also do it to kids in the neighborhood. Molested girls are prone to making sexual abuse allegations too which could get your husband in hot water...CPS takes any molestation charge very seriously. After the child that we adopted confessed to molesting our younger kids, he never came back. We dissolved the adoption for the sake of our two little ones. We did not want them to see us supporting their tormentor (and he did torment them). They are doing well, but I am not at all sure they would be if we had kept R. in our family. They needed to know that they never ever had to see him again.

    My advice is to make sure she is never with your family again. The other issues are unimportant. You have to keep your babies safe. I have learned the hard way that we can't save all kids. By the time we get some of them, they are too far gone. It may be ok to try to keep helping them, against the odds, if there are no other children in the house and if you can keep the child at home most of the time so that the child can not offend on other kids (which would get YOU in big trouble as well as her), but that's not the case in your house. My strong suggestion: Never let her back. by the way we adopted that child at age 11. I'm convinced that if you have any other kids, the social workers should WARN adoptive couples that most of these older foster kids have been sexually abused and have a good chance of acting out on the younger kids. Of course, they never do that...we found out that over 90% of older foster children have been seuxally abused, but only AFTER the damage had been done. Thanks a lot, Social Worker!!!!

    ((((Bug hugs))))) I know exactly how you feel.