Well THAT Didn't Work...

[DaisyFace]

In another thread I asked for ideas to keep difficult child occupied and out of my hair this summer...

This week is Spring Break from school. difficult child has been having trouble entertaining herself. NO chores....lots of sitting around. I sent her outdoors because it was such a gorgeous day - so she went out to our 10 x 10 ft patio and walked in circles.



Today - idiot that I am - I offered to take her and her new boyfriend to the mall. Drove them all the way out there (with him blasting his ipod so loudly in his ears I could hear it over the car's stereo) dropped them off and told them I would pick them up at 2:15.

Well, 2:15 came and went...

nothing.

Checked the store...

nothing.

Well, I had to get home to let my dogs outside before their bladders burst so I left.

Told husband about it...

he is FUMING!

He is going out to that mall when he gets off work at 5. *I* would not want to be in that car for the ride home...

(That is, if they are still at the mall and will get in the car.)

 

[DaisyFace]

Let's see...

5 minutes to 4:00...

Just got a call from the boyfriend. He says they've been waiting for us since 2:15.

Really!? Must've been wearing their invisibility cloaks...

 

[shellyd67]

I would have be mad as H*LL !!! Lame excuses are sure to come your way when she gets home ...

 

[AnnieO]

DF - been there done that.

Fact is, you were there. difficult child will argue with you. Shut her down. "Not going to argue because we both know you're lying. Done."

Also - I love the "well I was waiting at X spot" when you specifically agreed on Y. And an hour and 45 minutes? RIIIIIIGGGHHHT. 15 minutes is the maximum. And what teenager waits that long? B-S.

Or... Let husband rip her a new one!

 

[DaisyFace]

UPDATE:

difficult child and boyfriend decided they didn't want to wait for husband to come pick them up (and really, who could blame them???)

boyfriend called his mother who drove 1 1/2 hours round trip out to the mall and back to get them home. I met her in the driveway and thanked her - telling her that I hoped she didn't go out of her way...if the two of them were not where they were supposed to be, they are the ones could be inconvenienced by having to wait til husband got home from work. Nice woman....she said it was no trouble.

Then I went inside - where difficult child tried some baloney about not being sure where we were supposed to meet.

I didn't even yell. I just basically told her "Gimme a break. You heard me...you weren't there....I left."

difficult child actually APOLOGIZED!

And now she's trying to kiss my butt...



Good!

(Point for Mom!)

 

[AnnieO]

SCORE!

Way To Go, girl!

 

[KTMom91]

Way To Go, df!

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow, she apologized!?

Hey, she got a day at the mall with-her boyfriend. Must have been worth it.

 

[DaisyFace]

Wow, she apologized!?

Hey, she got a day at the mall with-her boyfriend. Must have been worth it.

O yes - but wait until next time she wants a ride somewhere...

or wants to do something with this boyfriend...

Heh, heh, heh...

 

[AnnieO]

O yes - but wait until next time she wants a ride somewhere...

or wants to do something with this boyfriend...

Heh, heh, heh...

I agree with you 100%!!!

At one point, I picked up Onyxx at the mall. Now - we live about 1 mile from said mall. She could walk if necessary... And was with a gaggle of girls.

It was agreed I would pick her up at a certain time. Got there - no kid. Waited. Texting and calling her the whole time. NO ANSWER.

At the 30 minute mark I texted her: I am assuming at this point, since you are not where you are supposed to be and are not answering me, that you've been kidnapped, so I'm calling the police and putting out an Amber Alert.

15 seconds... "WHAAAAAT?"

Me: I'm on my way home now. You can walk. And you are grounded. The later it gets, the longer your grounding.

Let husband know... And went home.

...When she got home? husband met her at the door. Took her cell phone. And she was grounded for one month.

...This was one of the times he did step up... Before I came to the board...

 

[ML]

We have just GOT to find something to occupy these kids this summer. They still need supervision or they find trouble every time.

 

[AnnieO]

Large (and I mean HUGE) gymnasium. Put 'em all in. Lock the doors and run for your lives!!!

OK seriously? I kind of throw my hands up in the air. Spring Break was boring for the kids. A couple years back (BM still had residential), when we had them for 2 weeks and husband had to work? I took my vacation. He took one day - we went camping, to the archaeological dig, batting cages, pool, zoo, library, movies, park, even schoo, supply shopping... and when they went back to her house? I took an extra day - it took me a weekend + Monday - to recover. (Onyxx was 11, Jett almost 8 that summer.)

You just CAN'T entertain them all the time...

 

[Star*]

This game was played so many times - I think there must be a teen difficult child manual floating around out there on a secret FB site.

This is why we stayed in therapy - just for junk like this because WE thought we had a handle on "AND THE NEXT TIME" ----and oh we were sadly mistaken. Because they skip to chapter 12, and you're still reading the introduction.

Fact is - you're all about "And the next time I pick you up at the mall, You will be where? (heads hung - sadly, as if really remorseful) "At the designated spot." and at what time?" 2:15 sharp, yes Mom, love you." and you leave them thinking - Boy I will be there at 2:10 - waiting, waiting, and they had better be there at 2:15 - and by GOLLY they will be - because this is the game they play....so you get comfy, and think - OH well I can trust them....but the set up is - THIS time? They really didn't WANT to break out of jail - they really ONLY NEEDED to run to Claires to get a pair of earrings, or maybe, MAYBE they really didn't need to go to the mall at all - SEE? SEE? THAT was the set up - they actually GOT YOU to take THEM to the mall and didn't need to go at all - beacause........((((((Screaming like Sam Kinnison)))))) BECAUSE...this was the set up to make you think ((((stupid parent))))) you could trust them again.....Because it is actually the NEXT time they are going to bail on you - and the NEXT TIME? The NEXT TIME? It will be when you have Dinner plans with important clients, or a meeting you HAVE to make, or a special work date you have to be at......and then????? AND THEN?????????? THAT is when they pounce, like panthers with sharpened claws.....and they say ---"MOM will you take us to the mall please? I just have a couple things I have to get. I swear I'll meet you wherever, whenever."

Sucker that you are? You fall for it. WHY? Because you TRUSTED THEM .........the last time. (((((((((BEWARE))))))) It was a set up. You are being SET UP.......you are going to wreck your plans........THEY ARE GOING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE.....THEY CAN NOT BE TRUSTED. You should offer to go with them......PLANT A GPS IN THEIR BACK. YOU WILL NOT SEE THEM AT 2:15 at Sears.....Noooooooo you will NOT make your Dinner meeting....Noooooo YOU? You will be driving around the mall like an idiot, talking to mall cops, looking for kids that are.NOT. there. That are off somewhere discussing how cool they are for DITCHING YOU!!!!!!! And how dumb you must look sitting in a darkened mall parking lot, with crickets chirping...

THEY ARE EVIL.......LITTLE, MANIPULATIVE......TEENAGERS..........ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH

And when I find that FB page that describes how to do this to parents? I will destroy it..........

(breathe)

But basically yeah......that's how they do it. They may even skip a time or two on the trust me thing - but that's how they do it.

Grounding isn't good enough. If I hit the lotto? I'm buying an island and all parents can (for a fee) ship their kids there - no lights, no iPods, no computer, NOTHING. Just Gigantic Polynesian guards with WHIPS........hot sun, and gigantic rocks with tiny little hammers to make gravel. mwhahahaha.....bread and water.......

Tell your daughter she better pray I don't hit the lotto.

 

[AnnieO]

Bread AND water? Geez, just give 'em some way to remove the salt and let 'em make their own water.

For that matter, if it's a Polynesian island? They can figure out their own food, too.

FWIW... I had forgotten what my parents did to me. Until Onyxx pulled this one too many times. Now - we lived 8 miles from the nearest mall. If I went without parents attached to my pocket? I met them where I said I would, or I walked home. And I'd better be home in time for dinner. I only missed once. And I was actually trying - I RAN through the mall, probably looked like I'd stolen something - and caught Mom as she was leaving JC Penneys. She took pity on me - because I was all of 5 minutes late, and I was clearly out of breath from running.

Now - Onyxx wants to go to the mall? It's RAINING? ...Hmm, did I need to go for anything... No? WALK, KID.

 

[timer lady]

DF, you have my deepest sympathies....kt has been pulling this stuff for a while now & it's getting old. I don't care how "developmentally appropriate" it is for her age. (If I hear that again I'm going to do harm to someone.)

I'm fortunate in that I have staff who take kt to the mall with a friend (they stay within 10 feet of kt). Staff are instructed (by me) if need be, kill the friend and get kt home & safe. I'll handle the fall out.

Our teens are being (more or less) developmentally appropriate ~ it's the sneakiness & the out right disrespect for rules & expectations that drive me over the edge. kt & wm are so very sneaky....I know (as does foster mum for wm) that they are up to something. AND 99% of the time it isn't good.

​

 

[DaisyFace]

This is why we stayed in therapy - just for junk like this because WE thought we had a handle on "AND THE NEXT TIME" ----and oh we were sadly mistaken. Because they skip to chapter 12, and you're still reading the introduction.

Fact is - you're all about "And the next time I pick you up at the mall, You will be where? (heads hung - sadly, as if really remorseful) "At the designated spot." and at what time?" 2:15 sharp, yes Mom, love you." and you leave them thinking - Boy I will be there at 2:10 - waiting, waiting, and they had better be there at 2:15 - and by GOLLY they will be - because this is the game they play....so you get comfy, and think - OH well I can trust them.....

Oh no, no, no, no, no....

This is not the first time that difficult child has pulled the "But I was waiting at X the whole time....I forgot I was supposed to be at Y."

This IS the first time that I left. And I think the prospect of having to call Dad at work - and there was NO WAY he was going to be happy to hear that difficult child missed her ride home from the mall (some hour and twenty minutes away from his job) - scared the bejeezus out of them. Which is why boyfriend decided to beg his Mom to please make that trip to pick them up.

And the next time? It's not going to be "and WHERE will I meet you?..."

The next time it's going to be "O sorry...I know you keep getting mixed up about where to meet up so I guess you can't go without me, and I just don't have the time today."

 

[susiestar]

When I was a kid there were times I was disrespectful, times when my friends were. But NOTHING like kids now. Maybe that sounds like an old fogie, but if I said I would meet my mom somewhere then I had dang well better be there with-in 5 min or let her know why. If I wasn't? It better be an emergency. Now we only had 2 vehicles and my dad worked 70 miles away, so I had to share with my mom. This meant if I wanted the car I had to get her to work, pick her up afterward - when SHE was ready, not when I was, AND I had to run errands. And get them RIGHT. I did the drycleaning run, the post office, filled the gas tank (often with MY money because after all I was getting to use the car), and even did a lot of the meal planning and grocery shopping. NONE of that excluded me from chores at home, either.

The mall was 90 minutes away. If I was late meeting my mom? It was a long, uncomfortable drive home.

Had I done the things a difficult child does? NO WAY would I have survived.

WTF is going on that these difficult child things are "developmentally appropriate"? There is NO WAY that my parents would have tolerated these actions from me, not without one heck of a lot of natural and logical consequences. At one point one of the doctors tried to tell my mom that it was "normal" for a teen to sneak out of the house at night and to drink, smoke and experiment with pot. My mother's reaction?? Not in my child it isn't normal, and if she wants to have any type of life she won't even try them.

When my bro tried the sneaking out? His windows were nailed shut, my parents checked on him and if he snuck out he came home in fear because he never ever knew what to expect. My mother once painted his feet with tuna juice and locked the cat in his room with him. He is incredibly ticklish and had he not been passed out drunk he would have known she was putting it on him. Bro liked to fall asleep in the nude in the family room while watching cinemax late at night (we didn't pay for it, it was there when we moved in and it took 2 years of calling the cable co over and over and over to get it removed!). At one point my mother applied very LONG strips of duct tape lengthwise on his hairy legs. He wanted to do a big baking project and refused to clean it up for a week - my mother didn't just put it on his bed. She put it under his blankets and rubbed them into the mold and yuck growing in the bowls.

I was more than a little afraid of what she might come up with, and sober so was my bro. It was worse because she didn't raise her voice or do more than give you a look. You knew what you did wrong.

NO WAY would she have accepted "developmentally appropriate". Why do so many people try to write off bad behavior and rudeness as normal because a person is a certain age? I can see it for the elderly, they have worked hard to live that long and they have earned the right to be cantankerous. But what has a teen done to earn the right to be badly behaved?

How many of us had parents who said that everyone else might do something but their child wasn't going to and then made that happen? Why is it that when WE do this we are told by teachers, docs, tdocs, etc... that we are expecting too much, being unreasonable or my particular favorite - that it is developmentally appropriate for them to be bad mannered ill behaved hooligans and we are being unreasonable to expect anything else??

Off my soapbox. Sorry - I know you share my frustrations.

If I win the lotto instead of Star I am going to hire her to set up the island for us! The kids can do their own society and live with the repercussions of sharing an island with a bunch of other difficult children who all want their own way all the time!

 

[Star*]

Mmmmmmmmmm

I see you are a sage, and wise Mother. Much more advanced in your chapters than I was at this point.

I bow to your speed reading, and take my hat off to your wisdom!

still think that body-scan GPS and the island of misfit teens may be something - but for now -


KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!! YOU SO ROCK DAISY!

 

[DaisyFace]

Mmmmmmmmmm

I see you are a sage, and wise Mother. Much more advanced in your chapters than I was at this point.

I bow to your speed reading, and take my hat off to your wisdom!

still think that body-scan GPS and the island of misfit teens may be something - but for now -


KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!!!!! YOU SO ROCK DAISY!

Thanks, Star!

And I'm only "older and wiser" because too many times I have done the 'what? She's not here? Well, maybe she's waiting at...., Well, maybe she got mixed up? Maybe her watch stopped?' and gotten out of my car and searched high and low....only to find her "hiding out" somewhere thinking she's being smart....

O and that island thing?

We'll be the first ones to sign up! In fact, put my difficult child on the list right now....

 

[AnnieO]

Mine, too.