what are our thoughts on anger?

[Jena]

hi

sooo yea me again

this time easy child/difficult child issue. easy child is def. part difficult child so that's why i'm posting here. it's appropriate now.


she has alot of anger. i've always thought to myself as i've watched it grow through the years and topple over on occassion it's difficult child jealousy related, etc. life.

yet now i watch her quietly, sat back today and last night. when she gets that way she truly just loses control over her mouth and /or actions to some extent.

i have decided i will go back for second part of pyschiatric evaluation on her, i'm calling tmrw to schedule it. yet meanwhile i just watch.......

if your talking to her and dog's barking or a bell's ringing and ther'es alot going on around her she loses it. it's almost like an add trait to me. she just can't process all the outside stimuli and she just boils over. this could be on a good day by the way.

if she's trying to tell a story and you even yawn or look elsewhere again the same thing occurs.

she's angry alot.
short fuse alot.
can't multi task at all.
organization is something all typical teens struggle with yet ive also watched that worsen through the years with her
patience level is almost non existant.
she doesn't do well in school, doesn't "get" alot of stuff. brought tutors in from time to time yet doesn't seem to have desire at all which you need first of all nor does she have patience to work on it. yet she faired well till she hit 13. than we did our slow slide downward.

yet as an infant slept super well, almost too much. she was amazing baby super calm toddler super easy up till like i said 13. she was a no brainer kinda kid up till than. met all her milestons with-o issue, never wet bed, sucked a thumb or had any anxiety or seperation anxiety at all.

as of late i've noticed she won't sleep away from home at friends past 5 years. likes to be close to home. doesn't like to leave home to go to far away places at all. like friends invited her to pa to ski she turned it down. didnt' wanna go away to college didn't wanna leave home. has difficulty keeping a job, is insecure in new places and with meeting ppl.

so any thoughts? i've always thought of anger as well either a learned behavior or part of a larger pyschiatric issue or unresolved issues that have to be brought out by intensive therapy.

question is which one is she? we're talking real anger here. not just ****** off said the wrong thing. seriously blowing up kinda stuff.

she asked me again tonight for a medication. i told her why'd you stop taking the ssri it was graet for you. you were so even more focused calm. ready to begin therapy than u stopped taking it and by week and a half later she was back to this again

 

[Jena]

i didn't say a bad word i dont' know why the ** thingy came up lol

 

[Wiped Out]

Jena,
She sounds very similar to my easy child/difficult child. For my difficult child (at least what we think-her, psychiatrist and me) is depression and anxiety. She has stated she isn't ready to grow up. She is very smart but passes few classes and her anger is over the top with absolutely no patience! We just had a psychiatrist appointment last week that was very painful. In the end she admitted she wasn't taking her medications every day. She is starting to now and it's been about a week. It seems to s-l-o-w-l-y be helping a bit. Wish I had some great advice; I would definitely take her in for an evaluation. Hugs.

 

[Jena]

i remember you posting about her. i'm glad to hear you got her in, sorry to hear she stopped taking them. mine did same. refused to deal with-the naseous i can't spell and stomach upset so she stopped. yet huge difference when on them.

i think therapies huge. yet she won't go unless she's calmed by medication. same ole' medicate her calm than add in therapy. that was my plan for difficult child some 8 years ago till i realized she was a difficult child and this would be our life lol.

easy child feels different to me. i'd of seen signs all along. yet there weren't any. she's got alot to work thru in therapy yet she wont' adhere unless medications are in place. bet you know that deal.

seems sooo add though of her. i have add i learned some year ago when they evaluated me to find out how difficult child ticks. boy they should of done evaluation on ex h!!! now that would of been money well spent

 

[pepperidge]

Jena
she doesn't really sound adhd to me. Though what do I know. Feels more like anxiety, depression, some sensory issues, maybe subtle Learning Disability (LD) issue I dunno. But ADHD wouldn't have jumped to mind.

Glad things are not worse than you expected, lol. There is a school of thought that dysregulated kids really benefit from very low emotion environment. Seems like what you are aiming for in your description. Way To Go!

 

[alongfortheride]

You describe me to a tee when off my anti-depressants. Ugh. I can't stand myself and neither can anyone else.

 

[DammitJanet]

Could she have really bad pms? Is she on BC? Sometimes really badly out of whack hormones can make you crazy. The fact that you say this all started at puberty makes me wonder.

On the other hand, this also started about the time difficult child became well...a difficult child. It could also be anxiety and depression which causes a ton of anger if not channeled correctly or addressed correctly. Depression in kids is often not shown as the oh woe is me type stuff but more often it is the lashing out rages and anger. Just add to that most teens dont think parents have a brain in their heads and we are all mindless idiots who are set out to ruin their lives and it all sets the table for some really wonderful moments.

I will tell you that it does get better with time. One day when she has moved out and has a problem she will call on you. Suddenly you will become so much smarter! Then when she has kids of her own, you will get to watch her reap her own rewards while you sit back and smirk. When she gets too mouthy, tell her you hope she has a kid just like her sister...lol.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

At first look, based just on her post, it doesn't sound like adhd to me either. My first guess would be depression. The lack of interest in things and the anger would be red flags in my book. But, as you said, she has to participate in therapy in order for a doctor to make an accurate diagnosis - and then, if prescribed, she has to actually take the medications. Kinda like a merry-go-round isn't it? Makes you dizzy....

Sharon

 

[Jena]

yea round and round we go. i said depression too right off the bat, which is why mid pyschiatric evaluation i put her on lexapro via her peditrician who knows her well because i didnt' want her to go too far down i couldn't grab her back up.

yet she's totally thrilled with her friends, etc. it's just any "real" junk like a typical teen.

guess it's just a matter of finishing evaluation. i hate evaluations by the way. i know this sounds bad yet their like a joke to me. they cost a fortune and you walk away with less info than i get here lol. how can anyone know a kid after 45 min.? LOL.

anyhow i'll do medications, than pop in therapy once medications have taken hold. with this kid you can't go down therapy road with-o the medications. i'd have to sleep with one eye open lol.

 

[DDD]

Hey, Jenna. I would think that easy child has had alot of family changes since 13. I'm not sure when you and Ex separated but that is a biggie. Based on my experience it doesn't really matter what the environment was like prior to the split..kids are traumatized and seem to lose a sense of safety. Of course Moms feel guilty but they know that the decision they made was correct.

Also based on experience the family dynamic gets completely out of whack when there is a needy difficult child dominating the attention. Alot of times there is no apparent sign that the easy child is being highly affected by that and then WHAM! That's why I always remind new CD family members to get counseling with their easy child's.

Then...again, based on experience...the introduction of a new husband is a major trauma in and of itself. I stayed single for six years. My husband is a kind, lowkey, soft spoken, experienced family man. My teenage easy child's were aghast for the year we dated and my son literally would only refer to him as Mr.X for two years after the marriage. husband and I made a point to avoid huggy kissy stuff when any of the six kids (all teens,by the way) were around remembering that the teen years are very sensitive to intimacy issues.

Due to your easy child's age I think those three factors may have combined to make her feel like a fifth wheel and perhaps triggered heightened anxiety. A full neuro/psychiatric examination runs around $300 to $600 in my part of the world. I am a firm believer is identifying issues and employing the help available from a teen/adolescent specialist. She is old enough to buck. I hope that she doesn't. Perhaps she may embrace the individual attention. Fingers crossed. DDD

 

[Jena]

hi

thanks to all. i'm not doing a full neuropysch evaluation. did one for difficult child years ago was 5k. we're doing a pysch evaluation. that'll just touch on the issues. i highly agree. now husband and i have been together for 5 years. but alot of changes indeed. easy child has always felt so jealous of difficult child thru the years. i have made the time for her yet as you stated you just never know how their coping. life with difficult child isn't easy on any of us and if i at almost 41 am having coping problems man easy child's gotta be having them also.

i think there might bea touch of add in there also though. yet we'll see. my divorce was years ago. about ten to be exact. she was thrilled about it. sounds insane yet the dynamic was far from healthy and difficult children birth and inability to self soothe etc. just pushed the boiling pot over so to speak. yet was traumatic at the time not a calm ending by any means.

so she's taken her hits thru the years. def has a chip on her shoulder. i think doing evaluation, medications and therapy is way to go. and that whole pull her in and love her yet at same time give her rules. typical parenting junk. just that anger man she's got alot of it. i know how that goes. anger about "how" you want things to be, not accepting the life that you have, and acting out instead of verbalizing those feelings and finding coping strategies for it.

you know what though we're all in recovery mode i think to be honest. difficult child not eating, has sent our home into wow mode.... it was a real wake up call to the level of problems she has and to the pain we've all suffered. the plus is we're all starting to talk about it. even husband opened up the other night. and he literally never complains about her.

yet he ran to store bought balloons, cake, new night light for her than sat down toa scene and a half from both kids and difficult child off the wall. i could see how overwhelmed he got.