what to do? Cherub is a problem

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by therese005us, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. therese005us

    therese005us New Member

    WEll, I had a bit of a discussion with the principal/teacher today at Cherub's school.
    It is more and more obvious that she wishes I'd take her out. She has withdrawn the Aides from helping her with her toileting now. She is just directed to go to the toilet and clean herself up. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not. Cherub still tantrums when sent to the toilet, sometimes big time. Yesterday she threw a bag (albeit plastic bag) at the aide when the aide directed her to pick up her soiled undies from the toilet floor.

    When in the classroom, she is very unco-operative and tantrums a lot.

    Yesteday the principal/teacher had to intervene (AGAIN - roll of the eyes, exasperation from principal while telling me) because cherub either couldn't get or refused to participate in an activity where she had to do patterning - take 2 beads of differing colors and make a pattern e.g. 1 blue, 1 red. Cherub shut down and went into ragdoll mode and refused to budge. When the P/T came over to intervene and reiterate activity, cherub said green was blue, which confused the teacher as she thought cherub knew colors. then she went over the activity and explained it, and asked cherub to make a pattern, take two different beads and make a pattern were her words and cherub took 2 of the same color. She thinks cherub doesn't understand the word or direciton, difference. Which is preschool work!

    she wanted me to make sure that I had told her bio mother that I had been advised to put her in a different school with a Special Education unit and had refused.

    Today the AVT came, she is an advisory visiting teacher who observes cherub over a few visits. Part o fht eassessment process.

    The P/T is fed up of having to interrupt her class to attend to cherub, who cannot/will not do any activity unless one/to one, every step of the way. She thinks a lot of her behaviour is related to abandonment of the aides to help her. She is very dependent for every activity.... she thinks the bio mother probably is at fault here for giving in to her every whim (I doubt that actually!) and doign things for her where she could be doing them herself. I doubt that too, since she seems incapable of some of the simplest tasks.

    I know she wants me to give in and take her to the other school, but it's more than 20 mins drive and I couldn't get there so easily. Cherub isn't going to go on the bus. I think a smaller school is better.
    Actually, I think I'll homeschool her with better success. I'm just waiting on getting all that paperwork they promised me first. If I take her out too soon, then I wouldn't be entitled to ask for it.

    On the way to taking her to bio mum today, she was able to accurately give me directions (I didn't believe her at first) as to which road to turn down! There are some lights on in there, I just have to expose them!

    Should I give in and take her to a larger school? She came from a larger school, and the aides didn't want her to be in proper undies there either. Nappies and no toileting does not appeal to me.... And her education hasn't come very far in three years of schooling.....
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This kid sounds like she's on the autism spectrum. JMO.

    I don't know anything about the schools in Austrailia, but aren't there special education classes for children who need more attention? Why would they refuse to help a child who has potty issues? Seems kind of cruel to make her clean herself up when she's so little. Maybe if you explain better--how it works there--we can give you more tips. To me it sounds like a problem with the school district. I know I'd be calling the State Dept. of Public Education if this happened to my child. No child is allowed to be ostracized because of special needs. It happens, but there is recourse.

    in my opinion I'd be more concerned with helping her function and keeping her dry than her education at this point in time. She can always catch up, but right n ow she in my opinion is not capable of being in a regular classroom and following regular rules. She may never be ready. She needs interventions badly. If she is going to keep wetting, she probably has sensory issues and can't hold it--I would keep her in diapers, if nobody will change her. As for "best education" for her...she needs social skills classes in my opinion more than math right now.

    In the US, special education kids have mandatory door-to-door busing to their schools. Nothing like that there? My son gets picked up and dropped off every single day, even for summer school if I decide to send him.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Trish, I see a situation where a difficult child is in school but learning nothing. Keeping her there? Who does it serve? Will this help cherub to learn to be appropriate and functional? Seems she is learning how to be oppositional.

    If she can't have aides for one on one then she should have an environment that allows her to feel safe and to take small steps forward. Leaving a child in nappies all day when using a toileting plan is awful. The tantrums would get old though if every 2 hrs she tantrums with requests to potty. Would a treat/reward to use the potty every 2 hrs work for her?

    I would probably go to the other school and observe the special needs classes and personnel before making a decision. Cherub may be more integrated in a room of her peers vs. a room of n/t kids who probably act as if she is invisible. If it is a positive environment then you can request transportation with special needs children. We have separate buses with an aide to assist.

    What is in cherub's best interest?
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Trish, can you talk to the Special Education people higher up in your schooling system? I don't know the Q'Learning Disability (LD) system well but I do know what is supposed to happen in NSW and it shouldn't be too different (if any). After all, the funding for the support comes out of the Federal kitty.

    It's my understanding that if she needs help toiletting and this has been discussed at the Learning Team Meeting, they cannot remove aides from her to assist with this. Again, find out by asking those very high up in the education system in your state. There was a timewhen I simply rang H/O and asked for the state Disabilities person, I wanted advice on how to handle the situation.

    I gater you're waiting for a copy of the funding applicaiton form, or the IEP, or test results? And you're concerned tat if you pull her out or move her, you won't get them? Or it will postpone the getting of useful info and youwill end up having to re-start the whole process at a school now much furter away?

    Also re transport - if she has been moved to a special unit, in NSW she would be entitled to free transport there (if it's state-based). Ask, because it costs and tey're not necessarily going to volunteer this info to you. It also may be different for Q'lnd due to being a bigger place with wider open spaces...

    What they're doing sounds most unfair. And if they did it in NSW, I think you could have them on toast for going against the agreement you had and for actually doing the opposite of what she needs.

    You might need some expert reports on your side, backing up what cherub needs in terms of support form aides in school.

    You could have the option ofremoving her for a few weeks (on the grounds of poor health or anxirty) and using that time to home-school her unofficially while the school gets the paperwork together for you. And when they send the truant officers after you, tek=ll them that you're doing it until the school reinstates the support thatcherub needs, you're not sending her back into an unsupported hostile environment.

    She is entitled to access to an education. Any problem interfering with her access to an education (such as her toiletting issues) needs to be dealt with in ways which improves her access back to the same level as other 'normal' kids.

    No child should have worse access due to their disability. That is a human rights rule and Australia complies. Not just NSW. All the country.

    But sometimes the school doesn't know this in detail and needs help frim higher up in knowing what they are supposed to do.

    Also, if they're pushing you to remove her, they could be hoping tat this means that the paperwork you're waiting on is being stalled in the hope that you won't need it after all.

    Maybe the principal would hurry up the paperwork if he realised it would lead to a speedier departure.