What would you do?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Jan 9, 2012.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I mentioned in an earlier post that I had hoped to contact my psychiatrist from way back who knows all of the history between L and her dad and Dr. C so that I wouldn't have to start fresh. I feel like I've come to terms with the past but the current situation is unbearable and of course it all stems from the past.

    So, I looked up Dr. K this morning, and she is still listed at her home address, which is where she practiced from when I was seeing her. Her phone is disconnected, though. So I looked up her medical license, and she is still licensed to practice. I hate to admit that I searched the obituaries and did not see anything for her so I assume she is still alive, although she would be 69 years old now and I would be retired at that age if my circumstances permitted. Sadly, I know people of that age that don't have all of their faculties about them, either.

    The stuff that happened with L and her dad and Dr. C was a known scandal at the time, with professionals taking sides when I was wholly unaware that people were siding with me. Many people supported them at first, but then they were used up and thrown by the wayside. But I don't know who is and isn't to be trusted to this day. Many people who I took into my confidence back in the day later either testified for L's dad because they were on his side or gave him hell because they thought he was a ------- and then I paid because he would be angry and he would tell L how horribly I'd disabused him with people in his profession... I don't need to say more. You know what I mean.

    What would you do? Would you take a chance and write to her? If you wrote, how much would you say? I realize that she might not be able to see me, but perhaps she could refer me to someone who would not balk at being told that their peers are the monsters that they really are? I don't know. Is it all too fanciful? I need a medications tweak, I'm sure. I had hoped last month that I could wean off of the Buproprian and had myself down to 100 m a day but I cranked it back up to 300 over the weekend. Sorry - I'm babbling.

    Thank you in advance for any ideas you have that may help.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Does your gut tell you that you can trust her? I would probably take the chance and send her a short note. No great details, just that things have come to pass recently that you need help with and you don't think you can handle starting at the beginning of everything with someone new. Ask is she is willing to tell you if she was on your side back then. If she is, would she be willing and able to see you at least for long enough to get a start and deal with the shock of such an enormous blow. If she is unwilling/unable, who would she suggest that you see - someone who is able to handle this type of incredibly traumatic abuse and is mature enough to see the "pillars" of their local profession for the monsters they are deep down.

    I wouldn't use monsters and am sure someone here would have a more delicate way to state the problem, the situation and what you need right now. It seems like you feel you may be able to trust her, and it sure would be a HUGE help to not have to tell someone new about the whole huge ugly mess and the deplorable, unprofessional way their peers acted during those years.

    As much as psychology/psychiatry attracts very disturbed people who are damaged and/or looking for power, it also attracts people who genuinely, deeply care and are willing to help. If you don't know of someone else you feel you will be able to work with, this seems like a reasonable chance. At least from this point of view.

    You have amazing instincts, Witz. In this situation the only thing you can do is trust them. If you go to an appointment and it feels really wrong, or like your trust is misplaced, you can go elsewhere. If you need to go elsewhere, ask who she would recommend. At least you iwll then have a name to stay away from.

    If you cannot find someone before you need a medication refill, your family doctor will probably be willing to write the rx for a couple of months if you are looking for someone else.

    (((((gentle hugs)))))

    I really wish you lived close to me because I could recommend someone I know you can trust, someone who would never abuse that trust. If you need to vent via pm, I am here. I can send my email and/or phone number if you want to go off board or talk on the phone. I know you have close friends, but sometimes it is easier with someone you wont' run into at the grocery store. been there done that.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I agree with Susie. As much as you seem to have liked her - what is the harm in a short note? I'd also include an email address, phone number etc., it can be quicker for her to get back to you.

    :hugs: You are just amazing, lady. And classy, too.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Susie and Step - if you feel compelled to speak with her, a short note with your phone or email would be appropriate.

  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Your circumstances are beyond stressful. I'm sure you will make the right choices. Similarly (but not as critical, I understand) I tracked down difficult child#1's therapist from ten years ago. Like you all I could find was her home address. I was hesitant because so many years had passed, she lives over an hour away, and I was afraid it would be an imposition. After a couple of days I decided to write her a note as she has been the only therapist that he ever truly confided in.

    The note did not get mailed because even though difficult child#1 had mentioned her as the only one he trusted he balked at reaching out. I was greatly disappointed. The reason I am sharing this is because I do believe I would have gotten an honest reponse....and I am sure you will also. Follow what you heart tells you because your heart is big. Hugs DDD
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Susiestar, I had to laugh a little when you said that I had to check and see if she were on my side back then. I hope no one will take offense at this because these are the words she used to describe herself and what she thought of our situation:

    "You know, I'm a New York Jew from a Mafia family. If they had done something like this to someone in my family my uncle would have paid him a visit and broken both his kneecaps before he could have gotten beyond started with this."

    Dr K also enlightened me that the Chief Resident of psychiatry who had spoken in court on behalf of Dr. C's integrity in court (it's very convoluted) regretted having done so immensely (of his own accord and without knowledge of what she did to L and I) and would have spoken on my behalf if I ever decided to bring charges against her. At the time all I wanted to do was leave it all behind me, and he has since passed. I know Dr. K could point me in the right direction.

    3D, thank you for sharing your experience. Knowing that it was something you would have done, at least I know I'm not crazy for thinking of it!
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Is her last name Soprano by any chance?? LOL DDD
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Nah, but it made me feel good that someone whom I so respected and admired felt so passionately about it! ;)
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I haven't read all the responses but I'll tell you what I would do- write a small note in a card and tell her this stuff has resurfaced in your life and as a result, made you think further and appreciate more all her efforts and how much she helped you in the past. Then ask if she could recommend someone who could help you get thru this stage. Then tell her you hope she's doing well, and thank her again.

    Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll be missing someone to talk to about her prof stuff and that she cans till help. If not, she'll probably recommend someone, but even if she doesn't respond- let's say she's ill or whatever- you certainly haven't done anything wrong.

    If I coould have found a way to get a hold of my therapist from my early 20's, I'd camped out on her doorstep during the custody koi my half-bro started and again when PO's 'rules' were causing such escalation in my house that I knew difficult child and I both were going to lose it. and then again after difficult child did lose it and got committed and I was losing everything I worked for all my life. And maybe even now, too. LOL! A card they can handle- me, well maybe not.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad she was on your side and had that attitude. I just have had the experience where I thought a psychiatrist was on MY side and when the dust settled she clearly wasn't but also wasn't exactly against me. It was a mess and mostly still is.

    FWIW, she thinks the way I do. I am so glad you had someone like her on your side back then. By all means, reach out to her and ask her to recommend someone if she cannot help/treat you herself. I like the way she thinks. .