Sorry for the upcoming book. Difficult Child will be 18 next month. She hasn't been hospitalized in years. She takes her medications, because I make her. Not that they make that much of a difference. She kept things at a constant simmer, just enough that we couldn't seek help from the police, and her case manager/therapist with the county, his hands were tied as well. She admitted outright in one session she had control over most things when she started them, could have stopped the behavior before it got out of control, but chose not to. When she's done with her tantrum, or whatever you want to call it, she has this satisfied blissed out look. Everyone else is miserable, angry, hurt, and confused, but she looks like she just won the lottery. My marriage ended because of the constant strain and misery. On top of dealing with difficult child, my father had had multiple heart attacks and his health was failing, and being far away and in a different country was a challenge. H's mother's cancer came back, and metastasized to the bones, and she's been bedridden for the past year, slowly and painfully dying. He couldn't handle life as it was after so many years of it being so awful, and left. I've since moved back to my country with easy child and difficult child. I couldn't afford the cost of living, or manage to get myself to work where we were, and my only support there was my H, and he was gone. My father passed a week and a half before we were to move back, so we moved early. She had a public tantrum at the wake. And at the dinner. Both were stopped when someone other than me marched up and told her to take her head out of her backside. So here I am, back in my home country. Still have another 2 months to go to get health care. Cant afford to hospitalize her. looking in to private insurance that I honestly don't have the money for, but don't exactly have a breadth of choice either. She's not going to stop. She hasn't despite years of therapy, and knowing full well she is almost 18, she is continuing on with the same things that led to us moving here in the first place. Her behavior, unwillingness to control herself, or work towards a future for herself cost her a pretty sweet setup. Had we been in VA still, she would be headed to a special program in the summer to help with independent living skills, then on to her chosen program in the fall. For free. With supports. And from there, on to assisted living where she would get help looking for work. Here, there's nothing, they don't even have an ED definition in the schools here, as far as they are concerned, she isn't qualified for an IEP, but are honoring it because it was already in place before we moved here, and she's only got a few months to go. And my say in anything ends in a month. Not much I can set up for her, aside from trying to get appointments set up for her for referrals, but it would be up to her to go. We used the Basket method with her for years because traditional discipline was a waste of time and energy. We were in therapy sometimes 3x a week or more with her. IEP meetings, picking her up from, or taking her to extra curriculars that were meant to help with her development. I went to therapy myself to deal with the feelings that her constant abuse brought up, the alienation, and distance, the resentment over being terrorized in my own home, and being so helpless to give my younger daughter a stable environment to grow up in. Even her therapist said that everyone but her was doing the work. And its still that way. She behaves like everyone owes her something, that if someone has a problem with her, its their problem, not hers, and she shouldn't have to change. I told the IEP panel in September that I believed she would not learn, or work towards a future under my roof, because despite the therapy and the supports she had in place, she did nothing, a lot of nothing. That when she was with others, she tried. But not with us. No matter what we did. Or how much we tried. And the worker from disability agreed, and thats how she got into the independent living skills program. All this said, why do I feel so guilty, like I've failed her, but at the same time want her out so badly? Want some peace, and some sense and order to easy child's and my life? Im afraid to get a job because it would mean a chance she would be alone at some points with easy child, whom she has had inappropriate and deep seated jealousy for for years, which has led to aggression before. When is enough enough, how do you come to terms with, and know when its the right time to say "you can't live here anymore"?