Sorry, Mods! I posted this in Teens and Substance Abuse first, but it really belongs here, with parents of grown children. Thank you. I don't mean give up loving my child, but when is it time to stop trying to get a response from my grown son that I exist to him? He is the one who married his controlling wife and both of them joined a questionable, very non-inclusive church and we haven't heard from him since. I leave messages and send nice cards for birthdays and holidays, but he never recipricates. We had no argument to explain his behavior and he won't talk to anyone about it, but he hurt his sister a lot and the rest of the family too. When is it time to let it go and stop trying? His sibs are all furious at him and don't want anything to do with him anymore. We just found out he and his wife have traveled to China for another vacation. He told nobody. He has an automatic e-mail response that explains where he is and when he'll be back. How do you detach from a child who no longer wants you? In his mind, we adopted him at six so we had nothing to do with his early development, and I'm sure he also believes that we are people doomed to go to hell. Please tell me how you detach from a child who won't give you the time of day? And, no, I don't think it's just a phaze. He is a very deep thinking adult, who plans his life carefully and without impulsively. I'm sure we won't see him for the holidays. He goes to his "Chinese" family's house (wife's relatives). Sometimes he visits his father as a favor, but only when he knows we won't be there, and with reluctance. In no way is he immature. He made a thought out, detailed decision to exclude all of us from his life. I need some words of wisdom as the holidays near. Should I get him a gift? Send a card? Is that pushing it? I can mail them. Or should I just Let go and Let God (God as *I* understand Him). _________________________ Me, over 21, lifelong mood/neurological problems, doing great Tom, hub of 10 years Mark, 29, easy child, anxiety disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)-Lamictal and Xanax SR Julie, 23, former difficult child/drug abuser, clean now for four years, adopted from Korea, my best friend Lucas 14, adopted at two, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified Nicole, 11, easy child adopted at birth, sweet, social, loving, some Learning Disability (LD)'s Scott, 30, adopted from Hong Kong at age 6/doesn't want family contact right now--nobody knows why. Attachment problems?