When It Rains . . .

[WearyWoman]

It pours!

I first want to apologize for coming to these forums and not giving back as much as I received. You have all been wonderfully helpful to me, and recently, the advice about our son's IEP was a raving success. Thank you!

I want to be a better forum citizen. Lately, though, a number of happenings have been creating havoc for me at work and at home - big, bad sorts of things, not the minor life bumps in the road. I think I'm officially depressed - lacking appetite, ability to sleep, and interests. I'm near to tears quite often. It's all situational, and yet, I wonder when the "situations" will let up. I want to be determined to overcome, but right now, I've just been knocked down so many times.

I'm sad and alone and fighting off the self pity. I've been through tough times before. Anyway, thanks for listening. And I promise I'll find a way to repay all of you for your fine thoughts, advice and encouragement when my life settles down.

Thanks for listening,

Weary

 

[Hound dog]

((((hugs)))) Weary

Situational depression isn't uncommon when you have such a full plate dealing with difficult children. Be sure that you don't get so wrapped up in dealing with the situations that you forget to take care of yourself too. Sometimes it's the little things that help us make it through day to day. Taking a long walk. Relaxing hot baths. Listening to music or reading a good book. Getting your hair done or maybe a manicure. Going to the movies with friends. Grabbing coffee with someone you can just yak about ordinatry stuff too. We call it "me" time.

You'll find that Me Time is the most valuable thing in the world.

If you can't seem to beat the depression, don't be afraid to go to the doctor and ask for some help for yourself. Our lives are highly stressful and it takes it's toll sometimes.

(((hugs)))

 

[Star*]

Weary,

Wondered what happened to you! Glad to see you back but sorry to hear things arent going so well. So what's up? If ya wanna dish - we're here. Sounds like Hound has given you most excellent advice. I'd also add maybe getting in touch with a good therapist. Sometimes having someone to talk to that doesn't have ties to your family, work, or home - is a very good way of purging things in your life. Some people have a mental block about talking to a shrink but I think it's revitalizing. You go - you blow, you get advice and things to work on for your week - to help you cope, and you work on yourself for the next week - a little at a time You come back, you talk about what you did, how you did, and little by little you work on you, the kid - and everything else and no one has to be the wiser. I thought it was wonderful. Some days I had to drag myself there, but I had some serious dark depression and past life sorta issues. I was also on 2 anti-depressants. Even now that my son has been out of the house for a while? I'm still on them - and since I lost my job? Uhg...I'm on increased dose - so no shame in mothers little helper. When I don't need it any more? I'll go off em - No biggie, plus mine? Welbutrin - helps with appetite control. (bonus)

Anyway - I hope you feel a little better, and don't worry so much about giving back - That comes in strange ways. Sometimes you can make a post here, and someone will answer you - and the answer someone gives YOU - is an answer that someone else who wasn't able to post reads or sees and things (OMG that's me) so they get an answer too. It's amazing the help you give just by posting for help sometimes. Some people lurk for years before getting up the courage to post. Just being courageous enough to post - you help.

Well anyway - here's to a better WW mom day - TA DA!!! WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO YIIPPIE KAY YEAH!!!!!!!!!! UNDELAY ENDELAY YIBAY YIBAY!!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!! VRRRRRRRRRRRRROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRROMMMMMMMMMMM! (okay I'm outta cattle, little mexican mice, and car noises - but you get the idea)

Hugs & Love
Star

 

[HaoZi]

Take care of you hon, we'll still be here and it's good bet we all understand how it is.

 

[KTMom91]

Try to get some "you time" in...I know, easier said than done. Many hugs.

 

[WearyWoman]

Hound dog - Thanks. While the situations this time don't have to do with my difficult children, having difficult children allows for less stress tolerance in general. I have had a lot of bad things happen to me in my life, and I find that because of that, I'm always in the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" mode. And then, it does, and the trauma continues, it seems. I could use a break from the relentless bad stuff - at least the big stuff, anyway. I would love to have someone to talk to about it.

Star - The three things that I'm dealing with right now are my job (may lose it due to organizational cuts), a coworker (undermining me negatively at work), and betrayal by a family member (has created a LOT of humiliation and shame for me). My self esteem is in the gutter, and the depression has really set in. I also have anxiety, and I've spent a good deal of my life living with fear and worry (my screen name could as easily be Worry Woman). I pray a lot, and that seems to help.

HaoZi and KTMom - Thanks. I know the folks around this forum are well acquainted with difficulties. That probably makes us more compassionate toward others, though.

 

[Steely]

Weary, I do believe I could have written this post. Especially about having a lot of bad things happen to you in your life, and that feeling of constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sometimes I believe this perpetuates the cycle, my anticipation of the bad things, creates the mindset for more bad things to more easily occur. However there are other things, that happen that are completely out of my control that really, really stink.

I lost my job 6 months ago, and it was due to my boss undermining everything I did. I tell you what, that is more stress than anyone really chalks it up to be. To walk in every day feeling like you are going to get fired, or know that your co-workers or boss are consistently throwing you under the bus is brutal. By the time I got fired, I was a wreck. Then my dog died, and my dad's cancer came back. I am sitting right now by his bed, typing this, as he is dying. Again brutal.

At this point in my life, at age 43, and having consistent bad things happen to me about every 6 months for 4 years, I am conditioned to expect them, and hope seems a distant entity. The most I can do to combat this depression, is to exercise, and I am working with a Dr to get my medications balanced. The sleep issue became so out of control about 3 months ago, that I had to seek a Dr. The other thing I would do if I could is get back into therapy. I had an amazing therapist in Dallas, who was instrumental in taking a lot of my fear and helping it melt away. So those would be the things I suggest to you as well.

Other than that, know you are not alone. I often contemplate why me - not out of pity - but because if I knew why I had such mountains of poo piled on me my whole life - then maybe I could identify what I was doing wrong that keeps the poo flying, and then I could fix the problem. However, I have realized over time that most of the things that have happened to me are not things that I could control, and therefore it is pointless and futile to keep asking what am I doing wrong. I am coming to more of an acceptance level, that this is just me and my life - and it is what it is. Therefore, I just need to do what I can to make myself feel better as life goes on its merry (haha) way. The acceptance piece helps a lot. That cliche, it is what it is, actually has helped me not fight the poo so much, but just accept it and go on. To not be so overcome with the burdens, and the "whys' and the grief, but to just go on.

Hugs and peace

 

[Star*]

Star - The three things that I'm dealing with right now are my job (may lose it due to organizational cuts), a coworker (undermining me negatively at work), and betrayal by a family member (has created a LOT of humiliation and shame for me). My self esteem is in the gutter, and the depression has really set in. I also have anxiety, and I've spent a good deal of my life living with fear and worry (my screen name could as easily be Worry Woman). I pray a lot, and that seems to help.

WW (Wonder Woman) Mostly because it sounds like despite everything you are going through? You are still going strong. (Tax, Tag and title not included, golden lasso and invisible jet optional)

Listen - no one I know; self included enjoys having all your problems attack at once, and certainly given a choice any of us would much rather be around cheerful and happy or uplifting people than sad and dismal drama seeking ones. I kinda like my days no-hassle, uneventful, and peaceful. Doesn't happen too often, but when they do? Oh how I cherish them. Believe me, I've had scads of the non-peaceful ones and have had to work really hard to have the peaceful ones. Sometimes things happen you can't control and other times you just have to sit back and ask yourself 'WHAT is it I can control?' and really be able to do something about? Instead of worrying about everything. That's where I actually took a back seat to my depression and started to work on myself - didn't do it alone - I found a good therapist, but the work was ultimately mine.

See in your case - you have a few things going on you are worrying about causing you stress that you can do NOTHING about. Or can you? Or rather what CAN you do about these things that are causing you worry?? (way better way of thinking about it!)
For instance -
I'm in jeopardy of loosing my job.
1.) I can find out how to create a modern resume with key words that will get me a good job (there really is a science to it now)
2.) I can start sending out my resume now to temp services to see what's out there in the job market for my skill level.
3.) I can start brushing up on my skills at a local unemployment office on line via Work Keys
4.) I can take evening classes at a community college

As far as that nasty underhanded employee? Oh wow (brings back memories of 'the pooper' as I affectionately called him) Who got fired. Months before I did because he paid to have a study done and the man actually was found not to be so nice. (amazing huh?) I couldn't do anything about him. Nothing I did was going to change things - sure he was a jerk. I just started praying FOR him. And let it go at that. The day the boss fired him? I cried. The boss was touched. Had my boss known it was tears of joy? Oy. But you can't do anything about this co worker - so let it go.

As far as the family member? Betrayal and humiliation aren't very nice things to deal with BUT - either what you were betrayed with was something that was TRUE and happened or it was a LIE and did not happen. If it was something that was supposed to be a secret between you and this family member, but is a skeleton now out? Well? You could look at it this way - it's out, it's done, yes it is embarassing - and now it's over. No more secret burden to carry around and hide forever. AND you have the bonus of knowing that you AND everyone else in your family should NEVER EVER trust that particular family member with any secrets EVER EVER again. What a blabber mouth. I mean embarrassment lasts a while - but being a blabbermouth is something that lasts a lifetime - so-----your part in this is over, done, fini! HIS or HER part? Well that is going to stick with her forever. I mean whatever you did is past - what he/she did - is now know forever - (don't tell HER/HIM anything unless you want EVERYONE to know) - See what I mean? So i'd say to that person "You know what? Here I've been beating myself up for months over you blabbing to the entire family because I made a mistake so many years ago when I was XX years old. I was young and foolish, and I've asked forgiveness, and you only have to ask God once for forgiveness, and because he's so forgiving my part is done, and I'm forgiven. And instead of feeling guilty? I feel so free, no more burden. Thank you. But you? Wow - YOU will forever be known as the family blabbermouth - No one is EVER going to tell you a single secret EVER again because it's more than obvious you can't or won't keep your mouth shut even for something as personal as that - so I would be guessing no one would even tell you about a surprise birthday party from here on out. But thanks for helping me."
Then I'd leave it at that.

And as far as a lifetime of guilt and grief? Honey, honey honey - Get thee to a therapist and PURGE it - You deserve to enjoy the rest of your life - and forgive yourself. NOTHING you ever did, or ever will do - is so awful or so horrible that you can't find a way to figure out how to love yourself somehow, someway - and have the rest of whatever is left of your life - FUN and happy and SMILING and guilt free. I promise you - it's inside of you - waiting to have fun - you just need to get rid of all the junk in your head - and replace it with good times, and smiles and laughter - and joy. No one wants you to be sad, and miserable all the time - and continue to be sad or guilty forever - there are great times waiting for you - and you deserve them - and that invisible plane.
Mostly you deserve to have that nasty wasty co-worker kicked in the kiester by a board member - but I'm probably so far away - and how to make it looooook like an accident ..........well its anyones guess. (I'd shove Hound Dog into her......lol)

Okay then - SO you need to find a good person to talk to - and there are really cheap if not free ones - and if you are serious about this - we can probably point you in a good direction. GIRL you are so NOT going to be sad forever....oh and anti depressants? Yup - gotem .....for myself? As long as I need em. No shame in that either.

Hugs & Love
Star

 

[WearyWoman]

Steely - Just read your post about your dad. I am SO very, very sorry. I'm touched that you took the time to post during such a difficult time. I also know the unique trauma of having negative stuff happen too frequently in life. And, when it's stuff you can't control, it creates even more anxiety. I do think Star has some great points about the chosen response to such difficulties; that is something we can control, and I need to remind myself of that. Your concept of increased acceptance over increased anxiety is a good one. I pray your dad's memory lives on, shining brightly like the sun, in your heart, all through your days.

Star - First, thank you for the wonderful post. You don't know how helpful I've found it to be. I've read it a couple of times already, and I know I will again. I appreciate that you didn't judge me as a drama queen or negative personality. I am neither, although, I realize I risk that judgment when I post about my troubles. Truth is . . . I seldom talk to anybody about any of them. And, lately, I've felt so overwhelmed with trouble. In reading your post, my current disposition is mirrored back to me, and I can now see just how much I need to work on these issues. With the difficulties I've faced in my life, I have come to lose hope and develop a sense of something being wrong with me that bad things keep coming my way. I have wondered what is so defective about me that I am destined for so many obstacles. After each setback, I rise up, all the more determined to get myself out of the challenging situation, and then I find myself right back there again! I am smart enough to examine how I may be part of the problem, but these happenings are random and not within my control. I feel tired and hopeless at times. How much can a person take?

Now, I am not so egocentric that I think I am the only one in the world suffering with problems. I'm sure many people are and many more are worse off than me.

I think I will seek out someone to talk to about all of this. I am imprisoned by anxiety and fear about the future. Thank you for listening. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts and just vent for a bit. Most of all, thank you for encouraging me. Lord knows how much I need it.

 

[4timmy]

I am having a deja vu here .... I was away from this forum for awhile then came back to "dump" and then felt bad... I think, at least for me, I can't participate in the forum every day mainly because I begin to obsess about my difficult child's issues and focus more on the negative than the positive. I don't think that until I can get to the point where I'm not always focusing on the negative, I won't be any good to anyone in my personal life or here on this forum. Also, I think I've realized that there are folks here that have been a part of this forum for much longer than me and I imagine they were all once where I am now. It's the Circle of life.

Just want to express here too, that I admire all the strength here. Steely, I admire your strength especially-you've been through a lot. I imagine that's why the name "Steely"?? Star, you are the DIVA on this forum who serves as the Life Coach/Motivational/Inspirational Speaker for many here. Star always tells it like it is and makes you laugh about it at the same time. Thus, the name "Star" right?

Anyways, I hope the sun starts to show through the tunnel you are in soon. Try to tink happy taughts... I'm in there too.... seeing a tiny ray of light but still have some outstanding darkness to deal with. We all need to work a little harder at not letting the devil steal our peace.

 

[Star*]

My name is Star because I'm a flaming ball of gas? I've always been "out there"? I'm.....'lost in space'. (I rather like that one). The actual beauty of this board isn't any one persons thoughts or words. It's always been that you can come post your feelings, and get many different views; none necessarily judgemental. All with life experiences, and some? Some you will be able to align your own beliefs with, then again sometimes there are those that you think - I never thought of it like that before; that really makes good sense. Those are the posts that maybe in the past made me a twinge uncomfortable, out of my zone, possibly not so agreeable with, or thought nah, nah, nah - (like that Visa commercial goat), but the ones that did make me think? Made me research? Made me uncomfortable slightly with what I knew I needed to do, just either didn't have the strength to do at the time or needed a nudge? Yeah - those were the ones that usually helped ME the most.

Every member here has something to contribute - even if it's just a hug. It means something. A story shared? Is SOMETHING - maybe it won't help that particular person, but it's been known to happen that someone posts, someone answers and it starts another post about something completely different and that post helps someone else. It's a community FOR helping. People shouldn't be shy about asking for help or taking suggestions. Just use the advice when you ask for it, and know that no one here is an expert - and that everyone here is here because we're all having similar problems or have had similar life experiences, and either are going through them or have gone through them and don't want anyone else to hurt longer than need be.

Everyone here puts there shoes on the same way darlin' - most days? I'm just glad I can find mine. lol......or that the dog hasnt' eaten one, or that I didn't leave it outside full of kaka, and a coyote didn't run off with it, or that I left it outside and spent 41/2 hours looking for a shoe that is on the porch, or that they were in the kitchen and I've walked past them 47 times.....and they were screaming "here we are, here we are". (see you think you have problems? - my shoes are worried about coyotes).

Hugs - have an awesome day.

 

[4timmy]

My name is Star because I'm a flaming ball of gas? I've always been "out there"? I'm.....'lost in space'. (I rather like that one).

Hey I think that line came from the movie "Rhinestone" with Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone! .... so yea, when it comes right down to it, that's all a Star really is... A BIG BALL OF WONDERFUL, COLORFUL, ball of gas! LOL

 

[Star*]

Lion king.........