When you are ready Klmno...or if you become ready...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DDD, Mar 24, 2012.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am so eager to hear the details of your visit with difficult child today. Perhaps it is too personal to share but I am so eager to hear how the "vibe" went, how the dogs reacted and whether you both managed to get through the visit intact.

    I'll understand if you don't respons. Just have to tell you that it seems like "a mark your calendar" day.
    Hugs. DDD
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It went well. I didn't bring difficult child to the townhouse for a few reasons- mainly because he only had a 4 hour pass, counselor had to check him out of detention and supervise us and include a family session and the detention center is a 30-60 min drive away so it would have eaten up the whole time driving and doing requirements if I'd brought him here. difficult child has basicly no clothes that still fit so I took him shopping and he chose a pair of jeans (allowing me to get the correct size so I can buy a couple more pair), a pair of short pants, a pair of shoes (that he can wear while in detention), then a couple of James Patterson books from a bookstore. Then we went to a restaurant to eat and difficult child finished off with a big ice cream sundae. Counselor didn't sit with us while we ate and pretty much stayed at a distance the entire time. We went back to the detention center 1/2 hr early and counselor gave us a somewhat-family session for about 45 mins. If difficult child's next pass is for a longer period, I plan to include bringing him to the townhouse to see it and reunite with the dogs and taking him to mattress store to choose a mattress set.

    Thanks for thinking of us!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Glad you had a good visit. I hope this helps push along his release. You are an awesome mom.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    So glad you had a good visit!
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'm glad the visit went well... I'm smiling over here, because that was so positive!
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Counselor is pushing the positive support and I'm talking to difficult child about the stuff he had done in the past being stupid stuff kids do but now he's a young man with a future who needs to put "the childish things" (childish behavior) behind him and move forward. He can spend the time between now and getting out of HS to focus on getting a good footing in the community (that's how Department of Juvenile Justice refers to ITRW) then move onward and upwards to college and adult life. This is hard for me to do only because I was so convinced last time that difficult child had learned his lesson and was ready to stay focused on a new life, only for him to fall within a short period of time. However, in fairness to difficult child, I was losing our home and selling things out of the house (furniture and such- not drugs or anything illegal) and difficult child basicly had no support system. He sees the light at the end of the tunnel re HS now, I have a new place and a job, we have a counselor, etc, so maybe he can make it.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad you had a good visit!
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad to hear that you had such a good visit with your difficult child.

  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you again, Ladies! You know how it is- one arm hoping and doing everything we can to try to make this work and the other arm being cautious and trying to be realistic. I do believe my son has what it takes- I just think he needs to sink his teeth into it and he needs help sometimes. I will help anytime I see the need and believe what help is available is actually going to be helpful.
  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sounds positive klmno. I know I haven't been about of late but I check in to see who's doing what.
  11. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    k, glad to hear the visit went well.

  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Ladies, I am reading more about this specific type of treatment/counseling that we are going thru. While I don't think it is our end-all answer, it is close enough to the therapy I rec'd as a young adult and they are used to working with kids/families in the government systems, so they are the FIRST people we have come across that I think mightt just understand my perspective of my/difficult child's family issues and being involved in CSU/Department of Juvenile Justice in this state. I am jotting down a lot of notes as I read thru their entire l;engthy modality that I fouond online thru a back door. I plan to then type it up in a more coherent way and call counselor and ask for a mtg wwith him prior to Sat's scheduled family session. The issue, to me, is that my family's hx of dysfunction and the therapy I had to trty to be a turning point in my family's hx can be dealt with however, when you have POs (in a state that believes that juvenile POs are there to take over the parental role) dictating everything in the kid's life, how can you ever regain a healthy parental role? We parents end up being the babysitter there to enforce the PO requirements, sign tthe blank checks, chueffer the kid around to appts, and we're then too busy revolving our lives around that to be able tto take care of our own MH and maintain a job and roof over our heads. Untill the people in juvie CSU change, I don'typical teen see how to get out of the revolving door.

    Maybe I'm wrong and I'm not doing this to buck the counseling, I'm doing it to start a discussion about how we can make this effective under these circumstances because I think they are the first people who can even understand this perception. If we were in a state where POs backed up healthy parental authority instead of taking over it or undermining it, it would all work, in my humble opinion. Policemen and MH profs have tried to tell POs this and it's been futile in the past so how do we make this work? How can you regain a healthy family structure with the kid seeing the parent as a parent when the PO has taken over that role? What do you do when POs view a parent trying to be a proactive parent as someone challenging their authority and control over the kid?

    If nothing else, I'm finding it very therapuetic to read thru their modality, jot down my thoughts, questions, etc, and feel like I can communicate it to someone who will understand what I'm saying and not just respond with "I don't care, you have to do it anyway". At least I hope I won't get that response. I hope they will understand that working toward me having a healthy parental authority can only go so far if PO is acting as the parental authority. I don't know about counselor himself because he's still in training, but his director will be able to understand my perception of my previous therapyy, the resulting family dynamics with difficult child, and my perception of the effects of POs who take over the parental authority. I hope that will be a beginning to something useful and not interpretted as me bucking the system or tthis counseling.

    TL, I've not been posting much lately either due to delving into this intensive stuff but you and your difficult children remain in my thoughts, as do many others on this board.

    Kathy- it's nice to see you over here and hope you are doing well!
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2012
  13. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Klmno, I have been up to my neck with difficult child and school so I have not been reading many posts over here. I am thinking of you and your boy. I am glad that a release is coming and that at least it sounds like you may have a counselor you can work with. I think it is wise to be careful with PO. Are you still moving-sorry if I missed a post?
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    This is what was ordered for us. I don't know what to think of it but we sure as heck cannot take more stressed and crisis induced (if you read to the end) when suicidal thoughts and illegal activity are at stake. I don't know what to do. Advice and opinions are welcomed if you can make it thru reading all this first. And please keep in mind- this isn't cps/dss in control- it's Department of Juvenile Justice because my kid committed offenses against me.