Why do I bother?

[Big Bad Kitty]

Between my unappreciative daughter and my even less appreciative DEX, I am ready to cry.

I have been secretly trying to set up for DEX to take Tink to a Daddy-daughter dance for the past 2 weeks. Secret from Tink, not from DEX. He needs 5 years notice and hourly reminders. Anyways, I did not say anything to her because I know how he is and I did not want her to be disappointed if it fell through. Today the tickets were finally purchased (by me of course, and I will never see that money again I am sure) along with a wrist corsage for Tink. Do I get a thank you from him? Nooo....

But at least they are set to go tomorrow. Fine. Now I can fix Tink's dress without her wondering why. She comes home to see the fresh newly fixed dress and I can finally tell her that she has a "princess ball" to go to.

"When?" (A smile from ear to ear)

"Tomorrow!"

"But when?"

"Tomorrow like dinnertime (6:30)."

Smile fades and morphs into an instant meltdown. Because "That's too late. Forget it. I don't even want to go!" Fall to ground. Kick. Throw papers. Oh and while we are at it, "I hate school too. It is SO BORING."

Next sound is my heart thudding after it broke into two pieces and sank. I sit there holding her dress that I just fixed so she can go to a dance that only she and her dad can go to, and he can't thank me for buying the tickets and SHE is having issues over the time. She can't even TELL TIME!!

 

[mrscatinthehat]

OH sending hugs. I can tell you the reason you bother is because you care. You love her to bits and want her to be happy. Even if it means dragging dex to do the things he should. Hugs, hugs, hugs.

Beth

 

[jannie]

Well--that's what they do to us...the wear us down...ignore her pouts...You've done a really nice thing by organizing this for her. She'll get over it...and you will also have a little bit of time to yourself...and she'll see her dad. You are an awesome Mom !!!

 

[ML]

You know how our kids are. They need that transitionary period of time to adjust to things, even good ones. I am SURE that once she gets used to the idea it will dawn on her that it is a good thing and a good time will be had by all. Do something special for yourself while they're at the ball. You are a great mom and a great person. We appreciate you here! Hugs, ML

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm sorry you are hurting but know that you did a wonderful thing! You are a great mom. I hate it when we do something we think our difficult children will love and instead they end up melting down over it. Hugs.

 

[klmno]

Sounds like she was hoping it would be at 8:00 am so she wouldn't have to go to school!! LOL! I bet she'll want that dress at 6:00 pm tomorrow so she can be ready to go on time!! You've done a great thing- Take photos

 

[totoro]

Oh Miss Kitty that could only appreciate the temperament of said child... my gosh you deserve an award!!!
Seriously I think you are Mommy of the year. I get so sick of that "Boring" Mantra... no matter what ****... you give them the world and they still manage to make you feel pretty bad. But you know what BBK one day, you will be able to tell this little princess a wonderful story about your family. About a girl and her Mommy... and trying to make things OK...
It is OK to sit with her little dress and cry... for what you wanted it to be. She doesn't need to know, it is your dream. Your wish. For what you wish her Daddy was... all of the lost dreams and the dreams that will be!!! Don't lose the faith... she is a Princess... just one that skips to her own beat!!! and finds raisins gross!!! I DID!!!

Many hugs!!!

 

[slsh]

BBK, darlin'. You have such a big heart, you know? I'm really sorry Tink was such a stinker.

You probably learned this with Copper. When we have difficult children we have to take joy in the little things we get to - you working on her dress, for example, and getting this whole surprise together - but you have to do it with absolutely zero expectation of anything in return. Sometimes we get lucky and get a little appreciation, but in my experience with- thank you anyway, chances are there's squat in return. That's ok. I do stuff for him, for *me*. Does that make sense?

I know it wouldn't kill 'em to show a little gratitude but if you hold your breath waiting, you'll be a Big Blue Bad Kitty.

Big old grateful hugs to you!

 

[4sumrzn]

I was half way through this....smiles, excited, so happy and you thumped me. I then remembered the title to this post & read the 1st sentence again.....slow moving on my part, sorry. I'm still pretty excited for you though.....I bet she will be all over the idea tomorrow, right along with the Mommy that made it happen for her! You did a great thing...smile. She will be. I can't wait to hear all about it!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Argh this kid...fighting with me till bedtime. No she won't do homework, no she won't put this or that away, no she does not have to shower, and by the way mommy, you are SO MEAN.

I'm sitting here with tears stinging my eyes. Mean mom paid out money in laundry quarters and bought her a wrist corsage for HIM to give her (and of course, pretend he got it for her). Because HE isn't even working.

Usually I can take her cr@p in stride. It really stung today.

 

[4sumrzn]

You are so mean Mommy!!!!

Take that as a "WHATEVER" because.....

I'm still thinking it will all be worth it Wipe those tears & smile.

 

[Steely]

for what you wanted it to be. She doesn't need to know, it is your dream. Your wish. For what you wish her Daddy was... all of the lost dreams and the dreams that will be!!!

Totoro you said it so well........

Kitty, I know what you are feeling...........and I know how you feel. I am not sure, still, that our kids ever notice how hard we try to make things better. How hard we try to make things "normal". Alas, perhaps we try too hard.

Sending huge hugs.

PS, I have missed seeing your posts lately. Hope to see you more.

 

[meowbunny]

Aw, hon, I'm so sorry. I know that feeling of disappointment so well. You plan so hard for a special surprise. You sacrifice something important to you for your little one and there's no appreciation, just meanness. And it's even worse for you -- he'll get the squeals and hugs, you'll get the attitude and nastiness. There just aren't enough words to say how truly badly I feel for you.

Let's hope that one day she understands all the wonderful things you've done for her. You are an awesome mom. One that deserves the squeals of joy and the hugs and the ........

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

You guys, thank you all so much.

I'm just real depressed, and this is making it worse. I knew that posting here was the right thing to do though. Love you guys.

 

[meowbunny]

I forgot to mention one thing. I honestly thought all my little acts and some of the big ones when she was young really didn't matter to her because of her behavior. In the past year, she has actually mentioned some of these events and how special they are in her memories. So, don't think they don't count because they do. Just. not. right. now. (by the way -- I use the Eastwood style in saying this -- through clenched teeth -- rather than Cpt. Kirk.)

Hope today is better and remember to take pictures of the little princess (even if she is being a stinkball).

HUGSSSSSSSSS

 

[meowbunny]

Just a thought (and not a very pleasant one) -- Is there any chance slimeball ex might not show tonight? If so, do you have any contingency plans like someone else to fill in? I doubt she would ever understand if she didn't get to go at all. Sorry to toss this thought out. Probably the last thing you need.

 

[Marguerite]

Hang in there, BBK. When it all comes off OK, THAT is your reward. it is all you expected, isn't it?

And I agree, I think the tantrum was because when you said "tomorrow," she thought it meant "tomorrow, instead of school." Her focus seems to be, "all I want to think about, is getting out of school. If it doesn't get me off school, I don't want to know about it right now."
If you'd said, "tomorrow night," you might have never experienced this tantrum.

Me - I'd be leaving the room when she says mean things right now. Not worth engaging, not even to the point of remaining in her presence.

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day, once she's got this crud out of her system.

Meantime, big hugs to you.

Marg

 

[everywoman]

Honestly BBK---I have learned that what I do for others I have to do out of my love for them---not because I expect apprecitaiton. Tink is too young to understand your sacrifices and ex---well, he has his head to far up his rear end to even see. Learn to enjoy the good feelings you get---that's the way to survive!

 

[nvts]

Kitty! I'm shocked at you!

You're NOT a mean mommy. YET!

Keep this in mind, remember that when she's 16 or 17 and you're doing the dress alterations, YOU can create the "wardrobe malfunction"!

Paybacks, oh how sweet those fantasies can be!

Beth

 

[daralex]

so sorry for your frustration - it can be very depressing! Lots of ((hugs)) It's hard to walk away or not engage or put up a wall of armour at that point. Sorry you got stung!!!
-Dara