Acacia
Well-Known Member
My heartfelt wishes this holiday season for all who visit this site are for a reprieve from the heartache and worry about our difficult children. Thanks for the compassion, insight, practical advice, and wisdom shared.
I am hurting, but I am standing. My borderline daughter (41) has kept herself and my grandchildren from me for over four years now. After a short peaceful time reconnected with my adult, addicted son (36), I have cut off all but necessary contact, which is rare and by text only. This choice was a result of his failure to respect my boundaries, his verbal abuse, and intimidation. He has been sending articles he thinks I'll like by text to bait me into reconnecting but exhibits no remorse nor amends.
Christmas is two days away, and despite all the self-growth I've done, it still hurts. Surely, I think, there must be something I could do to set things right, and that I must somehow still be at fault. Intellectually, I know this isn't so. Nothing has ever be enough, and God knows I have tried, so it's back to me to love and forgive myself. Twenty years of therapy, reading, 12 step, etc., and at the holidays the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) still have their way with me.
The good part: I am not caving, I am not betraying my own values, I am relishing the small, precious moments: how beautiful the Christmas tree looks, making cookies for the domestic violence center, watching a good show, appreciating my youngest son and the family that I do have, sitting with my cats and a good book, watching the birds at the feeder.
Blessings and love to all.


I am hurting, but I am standing. My borderline daughter (41) has kept herself and my grandchildren from me for over four years now. After a short peaceful time reconnected with my adult, addicted son (36), I have cut off all but necessary contact, which is rare and by text only. This choice was a result of his failure to respect my boundaries, his verbal abuse, and intimidation. He has been sending articles he thinks I'll like by text to bait me into reconnecting but exhibits no remorse nor amends.
Christmas is two days away, and despite all the self-growth I've done, it still hurts. Surely, I think, there must be something I could do to set things right, and that I must somehow still be at fault. Intellectually, I know this isn't so. Nothing has ever be enough, and God knows I have tried, so it's back to me to love and forgive myself. Twenty years of therapy, reading, 12 step, etc., and at the holidays the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) still have their way with me.
The good part: I am not caving, I am not betraying my own values, I am relishing the small, precious moments: how beautiful the Christmas tree looks, making cookies for the domestic violence center, watching a good show, appreciating my youngest son and the family that I do have, sitting with my cats and a good book, watching the birds at the feeder.
Blessings and love to all.


