Worried

[Hound dog]

Sister in law and or niece were supposed to call me when they got into the area to let me know they arrived safely. They didn't. I'm not irked by that because I also knew they were stopping first at the hospital to see GN. I'm assuming she is in pretty bad shape, most especially since they arrived yesterday........still no call.........and sister in law and I were to go to lunch today, with a call first to set up a time and place to meet.

I know they arrived safely because Niece posted on fb........and she is struggling to comfort her daughter and finding the situation overwhelming. So at least I don't have to worry about them being stuck on the road somewhere. (They drove in from Virginia)

But it really has me worried about GN's condition. I know none of them would leave her side if they felt she needed them right there with her. I'd call to check on her.......but I'm great aunt.......and well, it's sort of awkwardish if you get my drift. I'm a year older than niece. GN and my kids grew up more as 1st cousins might than 2nd cousins. I think of GN more as just a "niece" than once removed. Yet that is how it is.......and Fred was my tie to that side of the family. Soooo. yeah. And well, hell. GN is most likely a basket case and last thing I want to do is disturb any of them during this very difficult time. They need their time together. GN doesn't get to see them much.

I'm sure I'll probably get a call this evening if not before.

Our family has skipped flowers. I don't care for flowers for such an occasion. I dunno why but to me they nearly seem absurd. (I know others don't share my views) Instead of flowers Nichole hunted around online for something special. She found a sterling silver heart pendent / necklace that could have the baby's full name and date of birth engraved in it, it comes with a sterling silver keepsake box. Not too much more pricey than flowers, believe it or not, but each of us is going in on the cost. It will give GN something special she can keep forever.

I do have the background filled in. Niece had gone in for a normal checkup yesterday. They were going to schedule the c section. But the doctor couldn't find the fetal heart tones. He sent her over to the county hospital for an ultra sound, which explains how she wound up there instead of where easy child works. Ultra sound showed there was no heart beat. The long wait for the sugery was due to GN mental/emotional condition which had evidently shattered. They were waiting for her to be more emotionally/mentally stable before doing the c section. Waiting wasn't an issue for the baby as they were past the point of saving him. doctor told GN and her husband after the surgery that the condition of the baby told them he'd been gone about 2 days. Hard part of that? GN was sure she was still feeling him "move" up until the doctor appointment. doctor had to explain to her that he was such a large baby she was feeling his body float around, not true fetal movements. The last time she saw a doctor prior to this was on Tues. Baby was fine at that point, looked fine on ultrasound. Which means he passed not long after that. I can only imagine what that alone is doing to her. Because I know what that would be doing to me.

Does tick me off is it is somewhat standard procedure that if you have a diabetic mom with a fetus who has an excessive weight (I'd say 10 lbs is excessive) they make certain lungs are mature and either induce labor or do a c section right away. I've seen and heard about this being done I don't know how many times. It's a safety measure for the baby. Docs should have stressed that to GN and taken him on Tues when she was already there. I don't understand why they sent her home to come back and make an appointment. A doctor made a seriously bad judgement call.

And to further make the situation worse?? (yes, it can get worse I've discovered) My other GN, my nephews daughter (also Fred's side), is due with her 3rd child as well, also a boy. She will be delivered via c section tomorrow morning. Her son has a serious heart condition and will be going into open heart surgery immediately following birth. So nephews wife has come to comfort GN, then will be flying out to Alaska today to go comfort and support her own daughter through what could easily become yet another tragedy for this family. This GN's pregnancy was "iffy" from the time they discovered the serious heart defect.......so to lose the healthy infant of other GN has just kicked their legs out from under them all. GN in Alaska must be utterly terrified now. Prior to this she was a little too over confident that docs could always perform miracles. Know what I mean??

So just sitting here worrying............and of course praying for all of them. This is sort of unreal.

 

[HaoZi]

Wishing for the best hon.

 

[Wiped Out]

Still praying for gn and now adding other gn.

 

[TerryJ2]

Sigh. I cannot imagine the emotional pain. I am so sorry.
Ew, what a description. That really brought it home for me.
{{hugs}}

 

[InsaneCdn]

Oh, Lisa.
Your take on the doctor matches mine... around here, there's no way would they let a diabetic mom take a baby to 10 lbs... but we have no control over that.

Nice thought on the locket!

 

[Calamity Jane]

The waiting is the hardest part. How heartbreaking. The necklace is a beautiful remembrance, by the way - much better than flowers, too.

 

[1905]

Oh, I am so sorry you are all going through this nightmare, the poor mother. Praying for your nieces, hugs to all of you. The necklace is vey thoughtful.

 

[busywend]

It is a great idea that locket. There won't be much for the memories and I bet she will cherish it. And engraving the name is huge! I needed people to you Nicholas' name, but for them he was not 'real' so it was hard for those around me. Plus they thought it would make me sad. Well, yeah, but it was the most beautiful sound in the world to me at that time. Hearing his name.

 

[Hound dog]

Losing a child is the worst thing in the world........losing an infant.........there are just really no words.

Most people just do not know what to say due to that, or fear saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. in my opinion the baby was/is a person and should be treated and respected as such, that it is important to do so for the parents sake.

Nichole and I supported her bff when she lost her son a few years ago. I know it is still important to her that those around her acknowledge him as a person and nothing hurts her more than when they shy away from the subject or want to pretend it never happened. Katie lost her 3rd baby late term as well......and there are times when she just needs to talk about it. I just listen and validate their feelings.

GN is in pretty bad shape. She was discharged today. Her husband is being as much a rock for her as he can possibly be. Proud of him because I know it's hard on him too. There will be a small private funeral with just parents/grandparents. Niece and GN's dad will be with her during that time. Sister in law will be returning to virginia tomorrow. GN and her husband will be surrounded by his family who love them dearly and I'm sure there will be plenty of support. My girls and I have let them know if they need anything, we'll be front and center to do whatever we can too.

Sister in law and I visited for quite a long time this afternoon. We caught up on family news and such. Nice visit, just wish it was under better circumstances.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. The locket is a wonderful idea and you are right, flowers are absurd. in my opinion the only thing worse is a live plant. I lost a daughter when Wiz was 2. It was much earlier and what hurt almost as much were the people who acted like it was something to just forget. We never forgot. Never will. I didn't speak to my oldest childhood friend for several years because she had the audacity to say it was maybe a 'good thing' because I could finish my college degree and go to grad school. She apologized two years later or I would never have spoken to her again. We don't have much of a relationship because i just don't trust her. Can't

Anyway, your GN and her husband willneed help. in my opinion if you wait another week or two everyone will be home and many will expect life to go on. GN is really going to need someone then, and if you can be there, it would be a great kindness. I stopped sending gifts at the time of a crisis and sent them a couple weeks later when I realized how alone I felt two weeks after when I was expected to be 'normal' for most intents and purposes. husband and I were both at sea. GN's husband needs support and may not yet realize it, but if you can help then, give them both some support, it would be the greatest kindness.

I have received feedback from many people that the gift, sometimes a photo or note with a fond memory, a frozen meal, a gift card in a handmade card, something that makes me think of the person, send after the immediate rush of the crisis is over and reality is there, cold and harsh, is very much appreciated. One of husband's coworkers lost her mom suddenly, and the meal I sent three weeks after she came back to work, came on a day she just couldn't cope anymore. She said it let her know that the support was still there, and it helped a lot. It was just a frozen lasagna in a disposable pan, a bag of salad, some homemade dressing and store bought rolls, but it was the first non fast food meal they had since the funeral because she couldn't cook because it was what she often did with her mom (who lived with her).

think about things you have enjoyed with GN. Forget the on Fred's side, that doesn't matter now. Family is who you love, period. Be there. Let her know she can talk to you, even when she thinks she has talked too much about this, because others are tired of listening.

 

[Liahona]

It does not matter if she is your grand or great grand niece, from Fred's side, your side or a friend "adopted" into the family. If you are close to her you can be a comfort to her. I know you to be a kind and empathetic person who has provided wonderful comfort.

I'll keep praying for you, and for both your nieces.

 

[DDD]

Ditto, Liahona. DDD

 

[AnnieO]

I am praying for everyone... How devastating. You and Nichole are loves... The pendant is perfect.

 

[Hound dog]

Funeral will be thursday morning.

GN has no family in ohio anymore except us. I used to think it somewhat odd that my GNs were brought up to feel like they were just ordinary cousins to my kids, although it made sense as they're all the same ages...........and well, with niece being only a year younger than myself I have to stop and literally *think* of her as being a niece. lol Now, I see it as a very good thing, most especially for GN. We will all be attending to support GN, her husband, and niece and to show GN she does have family here to count on who love and care around her.

Susie, your idea to bring something later is a fabulous one. Already spoke to the girls about this. The locket is due to arrive near the middle of the month. (probably earlier) We'll cook up some meals and take them along with the locket. Then GN and her husband will have good home cooked meals for those bad days. I worry about GN's blood sugar. Eating is the last thing she's thinking about right now.....and her diabetes is so unstable it doesn't take much for her to land in ICU.

Although I might have to make a post for good casserole ideas because I don't make them much.