YS: Impulse Control Issues

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BloodiedButUnbowed, Mar 14, 2018.

  1. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    The other day YS made a comment related in no small part to the ongoing nervousness about gun violence in schools. He made this comment because he was upset that a new rule was going into effect limiting a specific item in the classroom, a rule that he found stupid apparently. He stated, we believe sarcastically, that he would be bringing a weapon to school hidden in the now-forbidden item.

    He was surprised by the response he received. He was immediately dragged in front of school admin and his motives/statement questioned. He was due to be suspended for his comment but ended up with an alternative consequence instead.

    Is he serious? While I doubt it, and every cell in my body wants to (sweep this under the rug?), the truth is that YS has surprised us before. Nobody saw his suicide attempt coming, for example; he is the last kid in the world we ever thought would attempt to take his own life. Is this any different? I hope and pray that it is, but the truth is, I don't know.

    We know next to nothing about his life other than his school and therapy schedules. We know a very little about his thought processes, which are still disorganized at times due to his still-healing brain. What we do know, alarms us because he is sympathetic to ideas which, if taken to a terrible extreme, can lead to domestic terrorism. We do not know his friends, he isn't close to the young people he was hanging around before his attempt anymore, but we do know as is the custom at his father's house, he is very loosely (if ever) supervised. His father isn't monitoring his online activities and YS will not even speak to us.

    He could be doing and thinking anything. I would not have gone down this path before, but as stated, we had absolutely no idea he was thinking about killing himself before he almost completed his suicide.

    As of now we believe he is serving his assigned consequence and the issue is behind him. I trust his therapeutic school to keep us informed if anything more develops.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    They have zero tolerance for that talk these days. It's just a bad choice...an insane choice.

    Every school shooter was a shock.
     
  3. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    I worry about this with my anxious, angry, no-impulse-control middle school grandson. Who knows what he'll really do? He's tossed furniture and been in fights and he is completely socially isolated. He fits the profile, unfortunately.
     
  4. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Gosh BBU. I feel your anxiety. With substance abuse detachment says to make choices based on our own reasonable boundaries, but also to realize that our snooping, police state and hypervigilence don’t change anything. That they are signs that boundaries have already been crossed and we have tried to take control of a runaway train

    With mental illness/mood disorders, I don’t know what the answer is. It feels right to try and stay informed and involved.

    He’s also a minor, too, right? Checking his online life from time to time and who his friends are is just responsible parenting I realize it’s more likely to inflame a kid with issues, but we wouldnt relinquish it with a normie

    Maybe one of the professionals in his life could give some feedback on how to gently gain back some transparency?

    My son is no longer a minor but has been secretive for many years. I chalked it up to the fact that he didn’t want his parents to know about his drugging and risky behaviors. And as counterintuitive as it seemed to stop trying to uncover them, I was relieved that al-anon principles let me abandon that futile responsibility.

    But it is uncomfortable not knowing what he’s up to. The imagination can fill in a lot.