A little offended...

Discussion in 'Parenting News' started by DS3, Sep 20, 2011.

  1. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    This is basically a rant/vent and I didn't know which forum to put it in.

    My mother called me tonight and told me that they had an article on the news tonight regarding ADHD and sleep and that I should check it out. I was expecting some research study showing something about the positive effects of ADHD when children get more sleep.

    It's about faux ADHD. Meaning that kids who don't have the disorder show signs of ADHD but don't improve with medication.

    So I feel a bit offended by my mother suggesting (or one assumes she is suggesting) that my son doesn't really have this disorder. She raised both me and my brother, and while I seemed quiet and calm, where as my brother was loud and disruptive -we both have ADHD. I cannot believe that she is suggesting to me that we should 'just ignore it and it will go away' (this was her way of dealing with us. I know this because I asked her how she dealt with my brother at my son's age with his ADHD, and her response was she had me watch him. I'm the younger sibling...).

    Part of me is at a conflict and wants to ask her about it, but she has already gone to bed. The one person I trusted to help me through this the most is the one who doesn't seem to believe that my son(s) truly do have an issue.

    I think I'm still in shock about it a little. Granted, we haven't visited in a couple of years due to financial problems and the cost to fly home, but still... ~sigh~

    I'm disappointed, frustrated, aggravated, annoyed, offended, and a whole lot of other %&*^ at the moment.

    I mean really. I didn't have him seen by X amount of doctors to fake a diagnosis. I haven't worked this hard to get both of my sons the help they need with the therapists and the EFMP and everything else for nothing. The medication does work. It's just so.... FRUSTRATING! I mean, I wouldn't be doing the research and buying the books and educating myself through different classes and seminars if I didn't have to. It's not like I asked for this. This was the hand I was dealt, and I think I am dealing with it perfectly. Getting them the resources and the help that they need whether it cuts into my schedule or not. Knowing what I'm facing so I'm not going into something un-prepared. Is this the life I imagined? Hell no. But I love my children and want to see them succeed. I want them to know that mommy did everything she could within her power to support them and their 'issues' so that way they know how much I care, and how much I want them to succeed. Is that so wrong? I don't want them ending up like my brother (who is sitting in jail now). I just want what's best for them. Why can't they understand? ~sigh~

    Garh... I'm going to go bathe the kiddos and put them down and then try to relax myself with a nice hot shower. Thanks for listening.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry DS3. I can sympathize with you. This is exactly the type of thing my mother would do. She still thinks I'm lying about difficult child's Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis to excuse the bad behavior I let him get away with. Hmmmmmm. She wants to go with us to the psychiatrist so she can hear it for herself (NOT happening).

    You still have US. :) Supportive {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} coming your way!
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Take a DEEP breath. In through the nose, hold for a count of five, out through the mouth. Repeat as necessary.

    I'm very sorry your mom is not giving you the support you need or thought you would get form her. I'm also sorry to say *Get used to it*. You've gotten her input and solution - she had you take care of your bro. Other than that, she didn't do much else. What makes you think she'll be any more attentive or involved with your kids? Again, I'm sorry it's a harsh statement, but it is the reality. the sooner you learn to disconnect from hope of support from her, the sooner you'll feel better.

    I don't have a mom to send me such emails, but I do have a sister that does the same exact thing. I always read or watch the link, hoping for some useful information, but that's it. I NEVER respond. It's hard enough getting into discussions over the phone the 8 or so times a year we talk, or even in person during my one week visit. She just doesn't get it, and maybe never will. I accept that this IS her way of trying to be supportive and helpful, but it's not what I need, and it is not helpful, so I just ignore and always try to stick to other topics during communications.:hangin:
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    Trust me, I understand. All too well. We've been told we should have spanked O more (yeah, and had her attack back, I don't think so), maybe more groundings (why bother, they don't have any effect NOW and never did), take stuff away (to have it stolen back?), yada yada yada ad infinitum.

    They tell us J needs to "grow up". I guess developmental delays don't register. I had one of husband's friends call J a "retard" to his face. This is no longer a friend... husband blew his top.

    more :hugs:
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I understand, too. For years I heard from Useless Boy's mother (from whom all monies flow) that the reason Miss KT behaved the way she did is because I had divorced her darling son, and of course, being a single parent, everything I did was suspect. She also informed me I was "poisoning the child" once we started Miss KT on Ritalin.

    And then I had my mother, the enabler, try to "save" Miss KT from my horribly mean decisions/actions. She got more than she bargained for when Miss KT, at 16, moved in with her for 9 months. HAHAHAHA.

    Sending more hugs.
  6. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    Well I feel a little bad now for ranting. I did talk to my mom today. First thing I did was ask her if she watched the whole segment, and her reply was no. She heard it on the news as she was cooking dinner and tried to listen in. So basically all she caught was 'ADHD' and 'Sleep' and thought it might be useful to me. I'll give her an 'E' for Effort. This is why I try to assume things, but some days it's hard not to (especially with my stress load and lack of sleep). That being said, you would think someone would have enough sense to look into it before suggesting it -especially since she knows what my days are like and how hard they are. Just sayin... At least this is evened out. I do have to cut her some slack since today she had to take my father for his first chemo treatment. (there are some days though...)
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    You would think, right?

    My sister once recommended and alternative to melatonin for my kids. 5HTP I think it was. I told her I'd look into it when I got home. Turns out as good as the stuff can be, it can be just as bad for you too, with wicked 'side effects' that could actually remain for years after discontinuing the stuff. I asked sister if she was using it and if she researched it? Ah, no, but I know melatonin isn't that great for your either. GRRRRRRRRRRR It really wouldn't have been that big a deal, but she was PUSHING this stuff on me.

    So, now you know that she'll just pass along anything, and she's not necessarily passing on her opinion. YAY. She may just end up a GREAT supporter.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry you had to go through that, but glad it's cleared up.
    I have a s-i-l who consistently and constantly did that kind of thing, but it was related to when I had breast cancer. She was a day later and dollar short. Never asked which kind I had or tailored the emails to suit it. I also wrote a long, detailed email to my extended family and told them all not to send email news links because I had already researched it.
    There's always one ...