mrscatinthehat
Seussical
Ok I want to crawl in bed and not come out. I haven't felt like this in long time.
I hate the world, but I want it to just treat me decent for a change. I am busting my butt for a few things and getting nothing back. You know I am used to it with the difficult children but in the rest of my life I would like to see some sort of step forward. I don't want to freaking clean up after drunk bowlers the rest of my life. I want more. But of course no one sees an uneducated (oh if they only knew how much more I know without the paper saying I do) person as worth the effort. So I find a place that I both work and volunteer (yes second job that is both paying and not paying) in addition to being the guardian/ payee of an 18 year old that wants to continue being 12 most days, the mother of a child most likely headed to prison and a child that I want to give the world to and no one that should help me with that is.
I am a good person. Why do people think they can just **** all over me and me not do anything about it? Why do I have to be the one to handle it all? I help people without asking for anything in return. I would just like a little respect.
I have made so many mistakes in my life and now I try so hard to do the right things and it just never works. No matter what way I turn and go I keep hitting this stupid wall. If I try and go around or over something blocks me. If I try and take it down someone is just putting up another one behind it. I get no where. I don't want things handed to me but I would like to earn something more than ****.
I am tired of others getting credit for what I do. I am tired of it all. Why can't people see me? I am more than what people believe. How do I make people see that? Why aren't people willing to look? Why are they so damn judgemental when they haven't walked in my shoes?
Why am I not allowed to be happy? Hell, I am not even allowed contentment.
I don't sleep right again. I am trying to do things right but this just blows. The only thing even remotely keeping me on track is easy child. I won't mess up her life anymore.
I just dont' know what to do anymore.
beth
I hate the world, but I want it to just treat me decent for a change. I am busting my butt for a few things and getting nothing back. You know I am used to it with the difficult children but in the rest of my life I would like to see some sort of step forward. I don't want to freaking clean up after drunk bowlers the rest of my life. I want more. But of course no one sees an uneducated (oh if they only knew how much more I know without the paper saying I do) person as worth the effort. So I find a place that I both work and volunteer (yes second job that is both paying and not paying) in addition to being the guardian/ payee of an 18 year old that wants to continue being 12 most days, the mother of a child most likely headed to prison and a child that I want to give the world to and no one that should help me with that is.
I am a good person. Why do people think they can just **** all over me and me not do anything about it? Why do I have to be the one to handle it all? I help people without asking for anything in return. I would just like a little respect.
I have made so many mistakes in my life and now I try so hard to do the right things and it just never works. No matter what way I turn and go I keep hitting this stupid wall. If I try and go around or over something blocks me. If I try and take it down someone is just putting up another one behind it. I get no where. I don't want things handed to me but I would like to earn something more than ****.
I am tired of others getting credit for what I do. I am tired of it all. Why can't people see me? I am more than what people believe. How do I make people see that? Why aren't people willing to look? Why are they so damn judgemental when they haven't walked in my shoes?
Why am I not allowed to be happy? Hell, I am not even allowed contentment.
I don't sleep right again. I am trying to do things right but this just blows. The only thing even remotely keeping me on track is easy child. I won't mess up her life anymore.
I just dont' know what to do anymore.
beth