First day of Partial hospital. done

[StressedM0mma]

Excuse any typos I am on my phone. easy child is borrowing my computer. Hers is broken. So difficult child seems to be ok. She ame home a little overly animated but other than that she seems to be aalright. She told us we are not allowed to ask about what they did. And while it is hard not asking 20 questions I am not bothering her. I asked if the food was ok and she said it was. She visited for a bit and then went up to her room to play on her computer. So I guess we will see what other days bring. I am still worried about school but we will handlwthat when the time comes. Thanks everyone for.your support through all of this. It is not easy but we arw trying to manage dday by day.

 

[buddy]

One day of relief is ONE DAY OF RELIEF. good for you.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Yes it is. She is downstairs asleep on the couch, and it is totally stressing me out. I know she is probably exhausted from her day. But this is exactly what she used to do when all of this began. She would come home fall asleep, and then wake up take a shower and fall back asleep. I am trying very hard not to get worked up over it. Can anyone say a little PTSD going on? I keep flashing back to what she did before, and keep thinking is she doing that again? What is she doing now? I keep repeating to myself that it is not the same, but it is hard to move past it. I am quite stuck.
I did put in a call today to get started in therapy myself. I know I need alot of help in managing all of my feelings regarding all of this. I am still a basket case, and have a feeling it is going to take me awhile to readjust to our "new normal" that we have here. I am trying to let go of all of the expectations and goals I had for my girl, and convince myself that whatever happens is for a reason, but I am mourning so much for that little girl I used to know. And can't help but feel like I have failed her in some way. As a mom it is my job to protect her, and I failed.

 

[buddy]

OH wow, that is really a good point. Well all of it is good. Many of us here have little by little grown into having a child with special needs. You had a child who seemed ill maybe but there was hope she would just get over it. OF course you are mourning your dream for her. You still get hope of her recovery for sure! It may just be on a different time line. She is still gifted and maybe just needs a modified schedule, not classes...maybe she needs to do it in a longer time frame???

IF she got sick with another illness would you feel guilty? If I told you my son was going through this would you blame me? Please be a friend to yourself! The PTSD sounds normal. How can you not worry about it going there. But it would make sense to me that she would go to her old habits because one intake day is not going to teach her what to do better. Can you keep track of the hours and what she does so they can see what the issue is? Maybe give them a log every few days. (keep your original copy).

You have not failed your child. without you, she would not be getting help. Our job is to be there for them when things happen. we can't stop all things from happening though... they will get sick.

Go easy on yourself. your thoughts will influence your feelings. i do that to myself too and it helps to have you all here remind me. Please please give yourself a hug for me.... take a nice bath and feel proud of the great step you took today. You are so wise to seek the counselor and to work on your own depression and anxiety over this.... really good example to set for difficult child too.

 

[Wiped Out]

Ditto what Buddy said. You need to be gentle with yourself. You have not failed your difficult child; you are the reason she is getting help. I'm glad you put in a call for yourself today. I got to the point where I did as well. It was one of the best things I did for myself (and in the long run for difficult child as well).

Sending gentle hugs your way.

 

[zaftigmama]

Just to put it in perspective--I'm a person with a mental illness, and if my parents were feeling guilty about it (which they may or may not, I haven't asked), I'd be like, huh? It's my issue, my disease, my problem--their genetics contributed, but those have just been handed down. It isn't any more their fault that I'm how am than it's my fault my difficult child is how he is. You know?

Also, re: falling asleep--the partial program isn't going to work right away. But the fact that she came home animated is a good sign, I think--,maybe the discussions are revving her up. In our partial program, we talked a lot about various skills, teachings, etc--maybe they're doing the same.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Zaftig thanks for your comments. I hope that she feels the same way. I just tend to over worry. ALOT. Her PHP is following the Dbt therapy. They are learning new skills some yoga, all kinds of stuff. Do you mind if I ask, do you feel the program helped you?

 

[zaftigmama]

We did DBT therapy too, I found it TREMENDOUSLY helpful--we did yoga, acupuncture, lots of DBT skills stuff. Have you done any reading about DBT? It's different than any other type of therapy I've done--here's an overview, there's lots more out there:

What is DBT?

I loved my partial program--I was in it for only a month, but I was so sad when it was time to go! If you ever want to talk more about it, feel free to PM me.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Zaftigmomma thank you for the info. I am definitely going to look into it. Unfortunately the program that difficult child is in is only 2 weeks. (10 days mon-fri) I wish it were longer, but right now I will take what I can get. I will definitely pm you with questions. Thank you so much for the offer.

 

[buddy]

HI. Hoping day two is going ok. I was thinking, even if what you get from this is that she sleeps better and can get up and go places without the stress of school.... that will be a huge piece of information, right?

 

[rdland]

Hoping day 2 goes well. Let us know how difficult child does.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Well, day 2 did not go as smoothly. We had screaming and yelling and refusing to go. husband told her he would pick her up and carry her to the car and take her as is if he had to. She was trying to look perfect. A huge problem with her. She is always thinking people are look and talking about her. and that she needs to put on a perfect appearance. Like she is trying to hide behind makeup and hair.
But, she got to the car dressed and husband dropped her off. He said she managed to calm down and not be freaking out within a mile of being on the road. I really think it is the pre stress and pre worry that gets her going. And that causes the screaming fits. She just can't seem to be on time for anything. It is a real pain.
Will have to see how she is when she gets home. I may not be here when she gets home. I am going to lunch and the movies with a friend and her daughter home from college. Happy to be away from the chaos for awhile.

 

[buddy]

Would be interesting if they did a 'you can't wear makeup to our program' week for a therapy exercise. would be really interesting..... I have seen that done in inpatient programs.... individual goals etc. Maybe she could take her makeup case with her and they can deal with it there? LOL

I had to have every hair in place (the late 70's and 80's those perfectly feathered hairstyles) and make up. I never left the house without washing, drying styling...even if it meant being late... uggg.... such a waste of valuable time that could be spent on real interactions and real issues.

But it is normal for us at that age...just not to her extreme.

Still LOVING that hubby is taking this over... If I was you, I would sleep in and fully let him take over this....maybe then it can transition to his dealing with any school issues too. (though hopefully that will be resolved)

 

[Bunny]

husband was right to tell her that she was going to go if he had to put her in the car himself. She needs to know that this is not an option. If she wants to get better (and it seems like she really does want to get better) she needs to do this. No ifs, ands, or buts. She goes. I think that you're right, though, about her trying to look perfect annd hide behind hair and make up.

See how she is when she comes home from day 2. I remember when my kids were little and starting pre-school. difficult child would cry at the door and beg me not to leave him, but the teachers patiently took him inside and told me that he stopped crying and was playing and participating happily with the other kids five minutes after I left. Tough love stinks, but sometimes it's what they need.