Fool me twice, shame on me...Sorry, LONG.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ThreeShadows, Jan 28, 2009.

  1. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    After difficult child 2 went on the run for three years of drugs/sex/rock-n-roll he went to boot camp (Army) and was let go due to hairline fractures in one leg.

    He moved to NH to stay with his "extended family". These people are not family at all, they are friends of two women who took him in while we were attempting to get him into a wilderness program out West. We were working with an MSW, trying to let him hit rock bottom but those two just swept in and let him live with them. They took his sicko girlfriend in as well and let them live in the same bedroom.They thought all the sex was great fun and bought them mass quantities of KY jelly for Xmas. They took their food stamps. When difficult child 2 joined up, one of them asked me how I would feel if he came home in a body bag( GASP).

    difficult child 2 called husband last year, begging him to come get him because "everybody there was smoking pot on a daily basis". husband drove the 8hrs there and brought him home. We gave him another chance on condition that he pay rent, did chores, and most importantly, NEVER have the cops show up at our home in our new neighborhood because we wanted easy child to get a new start here.

    He got a job in retailing electronics, did very well, one of the best salesmen in the district. We were holding our breath as he seemed to be maturing. Then he said he wanted to go to college in NH and was getting a grant (he owes money to everyone). He had developed an online relationship with a girl of this "extended family".

    Plain clothed policeman showed up at our house "with enough evidence to charge him with theft", said if we didn't let him search his room he would be back with a warrant. We watched him like a hawk while he was going through his stuff.

    We informed difficult child 2 of the events and he willingly went to police station, supposedly requested an appointment for a polygraph but "no one was there to administer it". He said the cops told him he could leave for college.

    He left. Three days later, a policeman in uniform, gun on his hip, drives up in an official car to our new home in our new neighborhood to deliver a summons to appear in court in March. He was surprised difficult child 2 claimed he could leave the state. He is facing 50 years in jail for theft of a credit card, disclosing the owner's credit history and buying a laptop with the card. Boy! They mean business here in MD!

    difficult child 2 leaves message for us, stating he is driving down from NH to pick up his belongings. We find out from his twin that he is bringing two people from his "extended family". He did not ask if was a convenient time nor if it was okay to bring these people.

    husband called to tell him that he could not come on short notice, that he needed to do this on our schedule, not his. difficult child 2 threatened to call the police on us because "we were keeping him from his possessions"!!!

    I am reeling with pain and outrage. I keep on playing the old tapes in my head of those wonderful days when he was such a miracle child. I am done being his mother.
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    You could always invite difficult child to arrive at the same time the officer arrives with his summons. :devil:

    Evil Suz
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2009
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. I think I would let difficult child come home and have the officer there ASAP after he got there. I would bet that difficult child leaving the state means they would keep him until the trial or give a VERY HIGH bond to insure that he would not leave the jurisdiction.

    Tell easy child I am so sorry. She was getting a new start and her bro had to mess it up by stealing. Let her know we are all here supporting her.

    Sending lots and lots of support to all of you!
  4. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Susiestar, your support is so important to me. Thank you for thinking of easy child, she has lost too many years to her brother's wild life style. Thank you from my heart!
  5. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Unfortunately, the trouble with raising twin difficult children is that when one is in trouble, the other steps in to help him. difficult child 1 packed up his bro's stuff and delivered it to him.

    It wasn't a warrant for his arrest, it was a summons to appear in court. I don't understand the difference.

    He has put his twin in a bad situation because they are identical and I had to show the policeman the ONE mark that helps tell them apart. The cop said "if you are stopped for a driving infraction you need to be sure they know which one you are"!
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm sorry difficult child 2 let you down again. It's even worse when you let yourself get your hopes up (we can't help it we're parents) only to have them torn away. Sorry easy child daughter was put thru the drama again. Hopefully, word won't get around. (fingers crossed)

    That's scary with the whole identical twin thing.

    But it reminded me of a neighbor I had in Dayton. She seemed like your average nice Mom. Until the day she let it slip that her name wasn't her name, she was using her twin's ID as her own while twin was in prision for the crime she committed. She thought there wasn't a thing wrong with it. I just stared at her with my mouth hanging open. (can we say difficult child)
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I am so sorry that your "fresh start" was spoiled by a police officer at your door looking for you difficult child. I had a similar experience. It totally hoovers. I really feel for your easy child. They suffer so much as a result of the difficult child's fallout. -RM
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    What an unfortunate, tragic situation. For every one involved.

    I can only hope that since difficult child knows the taste of success, he will be able to replicate it again. And that his brother has grown and matured enough not to enable him.

    Does easy child know what happened with the police? Is there a way to downplay that with her?