forgive my vent- more upsetting news that pains my softee soul to the core

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by dreamer, Apr 5, 2008.

  1. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Getting ready for bed, had news on while I got ready. Earlier today I had a car full of kids, mine and their friends...driving around town doing errands (actually it was getting difficult children first PAYCHECK!!!!! WOOO HOO!)
    and there were just police and lights and sirens EVERYWHERE! One of the kids says hey Mrs PCs mom, it is getting scary being here being in a tenement or something. All the kids have lived here their whole life and when I moved here 20 yrs ago, population was 2,000 and is now 20,000- the county has also grown simiarly. ANd yes, we ARE in a negative transition, and yeah, it HAS gotten quite scary lately around here.
    Then difficult child says MOM the city NEWS from TV is here!
    Sure enough, she was right. BUT they were not by all the active police, they were over by our.....(one of our) nurseing homes. Specifically - one I worked in, more specifically The One where I did become certified. My heart sank, my chin quivered, but then in the hustle and bustle of haveing mobs of teens keeping me busy- I moved on to the next thing that grabbed their attention- and forgot about it-----BUT I KNEW.
    the nurseing home has been being investigated for mercy killings, spanning a kinda long time period and several patients......:-( (sniffle, yes, I am crying) I had a sad feeling the news being here meant the investigation was done and the outcome was not good. Just now I saw a crawler on TV and yes.....some people have been arrested.
    I am just so very very deeply sad for the victims......and their families....and the families of the nurses arrested. (altho as yet I do not know WHO - which nurse or which patients are involved)

    Now, yes, I DID work Hospice, as well. over the years....BUT Hospice is NOT "mercy killings" NOT. EVEN. CLOSE.
    And for a change, my normally curious (nosey?) nature does not want to know who. I do NOT want to read maybe my teacher, or someone I worked side by side with or someone I admired- maybe someone who was instrumental in me finally getting my nurseing license after me being a nurses aide -I do not want to find out one of those people was involved. It will break my heart. I also do not want to know which of my beloved patients died sooner than maybe they would have otherwise. Maybe before they finished their ea rthly business, or before they got to say goodbye. Yes, I loved my patients. Long term care is special, and you can and do form strong bonds with your patients. It will break my heart to know they were murdered and that they did not after all die of natural causes. I KNOW the aides I worked side by side with - we worked SO hard, under awful difficulties- being shortstaffed becuz it is hard to attract people to fill the job.....we had double and triple workload daily and we worked extra shifts nearly daily for the same reason......and we gave it our all becuz it was in our hearts to DO this job.....and it sure was very hard physical labor, BUT the emotional rewards were incredible. (LOL, sniffle- I remember telling my own therapist who actually had also been a nurse before a therapist and who had ALSO worked there- that I felt guilty being PAID to do my work there, even tho it was so hard, becuz I truly did love my patients)
    Us aides did work SO hard......trying SO hard to take good care of all those people. I just cannot bear the idea someone would end their lives too soon.
    Yes, I know the reasons mercy killers give as their reason for doing such things......but "mercy killers" were always someone somewhere ELSE. Not anyone I knew, not anywhere I was.

    I am powering off my webtv and turning off my TV and........I think once again, I just do NOT want to see tomorrows newspaper. And when "I" do not want to read my paper, it makes my husband and kids worry. I ALWAYS read my paper. first thing. (I tell them I need to read the obits to make sure I am still alive, and did not die and everyone forgot to tell me, and my kids do LOL at that.......dark humor, maybe from working in that field? Maybe from living near the funeral home, and I want to know whos service it is and why it is SO packed? I dunno, but I do read the WHOLE paper every morning)
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    This is such a touchy subject. It's illegal, yet so sad to see someone suffer so.

    We had a nurse in Somerset NJ doing the same thing and was on trial for it a couple of years ago. However, it wasn't just "mercy" it was just plain murder. He wasn't just doing it to patients that were suffering and dying, he was killing elderly patients who otherwise stood a healthy chance of leading a somewhat normal life.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sending warm gentle (((hugs))) dreamer. Maybe it would be better not knowing the details. I would imagine it would be horribly painful for you if you knew anyone involved.
  4. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Loth, you are right, it is a very touchy and also difficult topic.
    Actually, I apologize to anyone who may have read this thread and had it bring them any pain.

    And yes, it is the most difficult thing to watch a loved one suffer, - my first husband suffered greatly before he died, as did my best friend 3 yrs ago. Has to be the most awful thing there is. Working Hospice gave me a chance to try to help make people more comfortable.

    The good news I heard today, - not that it is really good for anyone except for me- is that no, I did not know any of the people arrested or any of the victims, after all. and for that I am profoundly grateful. Yes it would have caused me unbearable pain, if it had been someone like one of my teachers? Or someone I worked side by side with day by day? I am very glad that I can continue to close my eyes when I go to bed at nite and not have to think I worked side by side with someone who might take laws into their own hands over my Gods Will.
    And thank you daiseylover.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Somewhere we all have to find beauty, and kindness in the world. Look around you - you'll find it.

  6. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Star, I find beuaty and kindness and joy daily in all kinds of places. LOL.
    I treasure the gift of life every day, and never take it for granted.
    I have been intimate with profound and serious suffering in far too many very close to me, have been the one to be asked "shall we pull the plug" more than once....
    I find such beauty in a hug from another, a smile across a room, a small twinkle in someones eye. A little flower trying to emerge in spring up thru all the debris left on the ground from the season before.

    Even a dying person has beauty and purpose and I was just devastated to think I might have been tainted by haveing maybe someone who had been in a position to be my professional mentor be someone who did not have an admiration for life. Had I known any of those nurses, I would have felt contaimnated, poisoned. I would also have been confused and scared and worried. As a student, I was impressionable, and I would not want to have to worry that any of my instructors would harbor something contrary to what I believe the term nurseing should be. I would not feel comfortable thinking someone like that held the authority over what I was supposed to have been learning. ANd I also hated the very idea that someone I loved and provided stellar care for may have been put to death thru no wish or choice of their own before their time. The patients over at my nurseing home are not all strangers to me. I provided direct hands on intimate care for them daily, 16 hours a day 6 days a week for many years. I love them. And I know them better than most of my own extended family. I did not want to have to try to cope with the idea that someone murdered them.
    Yes, beauty and kindness.....I saw it often when I worked in the nurseing home. A fluffed up pillow, time spent with a lonesome patient, a joke shared, an old memory relayed to a care provider dureing a bath, time spent with dietary staff helping to arrange a special dietary request.......the gentleness when combing someones hair just so or affixing their hearing aide for them just right......

    Such beauty watching the childrens pageants at school and admiring how some teacher got all the kids to do everything just so so that their pageant turned out to bring tears of joy and pride......

    watching a teen learn how to find that magic spot in the clutch and shifting gears so they do not pop the clutch......

    Parking in the farthest spot from the store even tho I do have handicapped plates-----simply becuz I now CAN. washing the dishes and ENJOYING it becuz it means we afforded another meal, and I CAN wash the dishes once again after so long of not being able to.....

    Yup there IS beauty and kindness everywhere. and joy, too.