Having anxiety over what is coming

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by raylea, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. raylea

    raylea New Member

    Hello everyone, Ive posted about my son coming to visitand my feelings about that. Well, today he told me he would stay a week longer, would that make it easier for me to travel the 4 hrs to home to see him. Yes actuallu its do'able. I will take off of work saturday and sunday, come home sunday. My boyfriend leaves for a knew job Monday. I will be there for that. Sounds perfect right?

    WRONG! boyfriend decides he doesnt want Occupational Therapist (OT) be stuck with no vehicle for two days. (we only have one vehicle). He doesnt even have a job right now. He says rent a car, ok thats all well and good. but it will cost more to rent, and then put gas back in when you drop it off.

    Ok, for the past 3 months I have been the one paying the bills while he is bouncing around job to job figuring out what he wants to do. I have paid the vehicle ins. the cell bill and yada yada. Now I want the pickup for 2 days to see my son who i have no clue when I will see him again. I dont think Im asking much. I am actually wondering if this guy is worth it. He has done a lot for me but I can tell he balks at "family" time. He has no family left really, we are both pushing 50. I think hed be happy if I disowned my family. Not going to happen. But that this man narcissistic thinking. Doesnt want anyone elses pull to turn me from him.

    Sad because I have been able to hide this from them. Thy think hes a great guy, so glad I met him. If they only knew. The screaming match for me to take th pickup to ks and see my son. And my son came to ks for th memorial service for his best friend who committed suicide. All the way from Seattle. My son has had issues like this in th past (suicide) and I dont want to miss out on seeing him, just in case "I dont see him again"

    I feel I need to be done with this guy. But I live in a city where I dont really know anyone, will take some planning toget out on my ouwn. I have the sickest feeling in mystomach since he acted that way. I can see the writing on the wall..uuggh
     
  2. Hope_Floats

    Hope_Floats Member

    Hi Raylea, so sorry that your boyfriend's behavior is adding to the stress of an already stressful situation. It sounds like you know already what you want to do about that. Life is too short to spend a minute more than you have to of it in an unhappy relationship, in my opinion. If it takes time to do some planning, then it takes time. The time would pass anyway, and you'd be in the same place you are now. Who does the truck actually belong to?
     
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  3. Hi Raylea:

    I have to agree with Hope_Floats. It seems that you already have to "lie" to people about him by making him out to be a better person than he is. I don't know how long you've been together, but in the situation you've describe, my suggestion would be to do what's best and least stressful for you and your son. If there needs to be a screaming match in order for you to take the truck for the weekend, that is a red flag. I'm the kind of person who hates to be alone, but really, in the long run it sounds like this guy is causing you more harm than good.

    I really hope you take the truck, spend the trip time with your son, and that the "storm" isn't too bad when you let your boyfriend know this.

    I have an adult son who has attempted suicide in the past (serious attempts), so believe me, I know how you feel when you say "just in case I don't see him again".

    And please don't let this guy cause you to withdraw from your family. My father did the same thing to my mother, and in retrospect I know she wished that she didn't allow that to happen.

    Please keep us posted. I will be thinking of you. :staystrong:
     
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh boy Raylea, when life hits us with the opportunities to change it doesn't fool around!! I say take the truck. That is a really selfish act on your boyfriend's part, he should be being supportive of you, not being a baby about the truck. You know Raylea, what I found is that when we make changes that are about our own self worth and self esteem, where we begin demanding respect and not putting up with nonsense from anyone, what begins to happen is that our eyes opened to all of the ways in our lives where we have allowed bad behavior to slip in. It now becomes obvious, even to the most casual observer......US. So, it makes sense that you've made strides with your son and now your boyfriend's selfish behavior is apparent to you.

    Change is in the air. Make the changes so that you are safe and protected. Make a plan of action that works for you and implement it. You don't have to throw this guy out today, but I say, take the truck, let him take the bus and think about what it is YOU want to do........what makes you happy and how you want to implement change in your life which will nourish YOU.

    Hang in there Raylea. Sounds to me like you're headed in a much better direction. You just have to get the dead wood out of the way.
     
  5. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hi Raylea, I'm so sorry your having to deal with your boyfriend on top of all the emotions you have surrounding your son. Your boyfriend is being very selfish and from what you have said does not want to support you emotionally when it comes to family. You have to ask yourself, is this the kind of person you want in your life? I would much rather be alone than have someone who makes me feel lonely.
    It sounds like you are self sufficient since you are the one paying the bills. I think you should take the truck.
    Again, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this but take it as a life lesson. Learn from it, learn what it is in YOUR life that you really want. Take care of yourself and keep us posted.
     
  6. raylea

    raylea New Member

    Hello everyone! Sorry I havent responded until now. What you all have said are pure nuggets of truth. Thank you! Its just me now figuring out the next step.
    I took the truck for the visit with y son. It was WONDERFUL. Good for my soul and my sons . I will post about it on the main page. Thank you all for caring!!
     
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