He's back to being a bum

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by upallnight, Sep 5, 2008.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    My friends all talk about their kids in college, doing so well, and how proud they are, and plans for the future.....I can't listen to this for another second, I never share a thing about difficult child- he is so far out of touch with being a normal member of society.

    He was a violent person, and hasn't lived here for awhile now. husband got him the BEST job in the world- for him- a union carpenter. That's what husband does for a living, he's a foreman and tried to show difficult child the ropes. But difficult child doesn't like to work and won't. So, husband had to fire him, difficult child was talking back, cursing at husband, who is a repected individual. husband had no choice. difficult child could work he could call the union hall, and most likely be working tomorrow. No, no, no.... difficult child gets unemployment and won't even call to get work. That will run out and right now difficult child takes all those checks, and parties the entire thing away. He couldn't pay rent, he rented a room, he tries to BS everyone, so now he lives in someone's dorm room, for now, until the person get's how he's being used and gets rid of difficult child. He doesn't care about the next second-only this one.

    Well, he gets his mail here, I never open it. Ever. But, yesterday something came from the bank and I thought it was ours, as the name wasn't showing through the window. It was difficult child's- he has been writing bad checks all over town and owes the bank $388 JUST in fees- every bounced check is $35, PLUS the cost of the check. He has no way to pay this. One check was for $4!!!! He owes every person he knows money, he's a great con.

    I have detatched, really, I never speak to him about any of this-husband does- every time they talk I tell husband, "everything difficult child just said was a total lie, you know". because is ALWAYS is!!! I am brokenhearted that my son doesn't work, doesn't plan to, and can't hold a job- the boss is always a jerk for expecting difficult child to show up. difficult child actually said, how can I work? I'm hungover, and just sat there at husband's job!
    This dorm thing will only last a few days and then he's homeless, basically. When he comes here (not often), I give him dinner and talk about the weather. I can't listen to crazy lies.-Alyssa
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I have gotten tired of talking to the brick wall that is my difficult child. He is working now for the first time in years....we are hoping it lasts. But, he can't manage money. He called last night to tell me that he thinks he's overdrawn. My comment, "Oh sorry to hear that." I could have said a thousand things---I have talked about budgeting, I have offered to help write a budget, hold some money, but the "I'm an adult, it's my life, don't tell me..." got in the way. Detachment is not denial---we know what their doing---we just don't try to fix it anymore!!!!!
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Alyssa I'm sorry it hurts you when you hear of your friends kids accomplishments. But try to remember most likely they also have some problems too. Maybe not necessarily difficult child ones, but problems none the less.

    Sorry that your son is so determined to be so completely a difficult child. Glad you're detached from it. All those bad checks will be catching up to him eventually.

  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    {{{Hugs}}} for your hurting mommy heart.
    It really rots that your difficult child is acting this way. It's only a matter of time before the natural consequences of his behaviour catch up with him.

    Sorry you're having to deal with it.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I understand. Corys dad tried to get him jobs working with him in construction and had to fire him too for very similar problems. It was bad.

    I really despise adult difficult child's.
  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    So sorry...its so hard!
  7. linda lou

    linda lou New Member

    You are not alone with the frustration and disappointment. I know we did not raise them this way. Can you think of him as someone else's kid? This way you can show compassion without the emotional attachment. AND, of course, without giving handouts. I am guessing yours, and mine, both have to hit bottom to become responsible adults...if ever.

  8. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    One of our members suggested to me the book "Don't Let Your Kids Kill You". I don't remember the author, now.

    I'm sorry this is happening to you, and to your son and your family.

    That's how it was for us, too.

  9. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hey Linda,
    what a great idea to think of your difficult child as someone else's kid. I am having trouble knowing how to feel or think about my difficult child 1. We have not spoken for a month which is okay with me but I would at some point like to have a very limited relationship with her and maybe I could feel less anger and resentment about her if I think of her as someone else's kid.
  10. Irishkalleene

    Irishkalleene riding the roller coaster

    Wouldn't you just like to pound him!!! Just once!!! Pound some sense into them and at the same time let 'em have it for going thru all this!!!

    Maybe we should get those blow up punching things that bounce back!! That's what life can be like. We have to learn to be quick and dodge all the BS!

    Yesterday in someone's post were the wise words of 'they have to hit bottom. but it's got to be their bottom, not ours' and as scary as those words can be . . . . . . maybe he's not there yet.

    Maybe we should all give up sooner and let them crash and burn faster?????? (Maybe I should change my ID to Cynical Mom.) Save all of us some agony!

    Hang in there.................
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I think I'm going to put a J in front of UP ALL NIGHT.....So you can be JUAN. We could just call you Juan - like Raoul only not the same. :tongue:

    I read this post a couple days ago and I thought about what I could say about your son, and then I thought - yeah what else does she need to know? LOL. She knows it already...and it makes her sad.....and me too. It makes me sad because I'm your friend, I have a kid like this and wonder too the same fears, hopes and silent prayers, plus the daunting question WILL IT EVER. Then I roll my eyes, and think DO NOT ASK IT.

    So for now friend I only have hugs to send to you...But they are HUGE understanding, So sorry it's you, so sorry I DO get it hugs....but none the less (is that one word or 3) HUGS.

    If it helps? Just know you are not the only one in the world sititng there crying about this wondering the W's of life. Why, WHAT, WHO, WHERE...When.....(that's my least favorite....when) I want it now - not when Know what I mean??

  12. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    I started working almost any chance I could get when I was 12 scrubbing relatives floors and babysitting. and I worked 20 hours a week starting at 16. I was really hoping my difficult child would when 16,nope he wanted sports-nope he still wanted to have fun. Now he is a hs graduate and he still hasn't had a part time job and wants money for every little thing. He is applying for a job at a shop that sells smoking parafernalia in a college town. Great huh. I just wonder when he will see the light.
    It's like he wants to be a baby.