Hope I'm not jinxing myself....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by welcometowitsend, Nov 26, 2012.

  1. Just a quick update on how things are going with difficult child.

    He has been going to school (with the exception of 1 skipped class) for an entire 2 weeks! I can't tell you how thrilled I am about that. He said his interim report card was pretty bad (failed 2 out of 3 classes) but he is working hard to get his marks up and his teachers are willing to help him.

    I met him last Thursday for lunch. We had a nice visit, no arguing, some joking around. He met me because I have his medication and he needed it but he met me nonetheless. We had a pleasant conversation about us going away to Florida for Christmas. We decided we'd get together beforehand for an early Christmas and then he could spend the holidays with his friends and easy child, husband and I would go to Florida. A nice compromise - so hopefully with his ADHD brain he remembers to ask for a day off - or we can work around some stuff to find some time to do this.

    He may have a lead on a shared 2 bedroom apartment. He is still living on his buddy's couch right now. It's a little expensive but he's excited - it's close to his friends, job and school and it's in an apartment building. His friends mother has agreed to sign for him as he is not 18 (personally, I am relieved for him and shocked that she'd be so stupid but it's her choice). If difficult child is doing well and making things work I think husband and I will help him with expenses at least until he graduates high school. He has had the phone number for several days now but hasn't called - I think he's scared as well as excited - waiting to see what happens with that.

    I think the kicker here was that I didn't try to give him too much advice or parent him I just listened and said Hmmm, or ok.... instead. I have to realize that now that he is out of the house I am done parenting him like I used to. If he asks for my help or advice I will give it but otherwise I will leave him to figure things out. Ie. I could have offered to pick him up after his guitar lesson and drive him to work because he would have been rushing and if he missed his bus he'd have been extremely late for work - but I didn't and he was fine. Also, he told me his laptop was broken. I asked if he knew where BestBuy was? Yes. Ok, good. Take it to BestBuy and tell them it is under warranty in my name and tell them to fix it. He has plenty of time to get this done so if it is important to him he will do it - and I'm quite happy for him to be off the internet for a while anyway - he gets so sucked into it and he had that porn issue before too.

    Another good note - his guitar teacher is very pleased with his progress. He's showed up 3 weeks in a row and has been practicing a few times a week - not enough but better than nothing. He picks up quickly and has some musical talent so he could be very good if he worked at it.

    I texted difficult child and told him I really enjoyed our lunch and I'd like to do it again sometime. He said he did too and maybe we could meet again this week - that's huge because I gave him enough medications to last him for 2 weeks so he doesn't HAVE to see me but he wants to. I'm actually tearing up because I finally have something to be happy about when it comes to him and our relationship.

    So we are making some baby steps in the right direction. Once things get better with me then he can start working on things with his Dad. But Dad is so mad about how difficult child has treated me that he needs to see me and difficult child doing better before he'll even think about talking to difficult child. And easy child - well, she's pretty mad at difficult child too but - babysteps.

    So, all in all a positive update for difficult child and our relationship.
     
    Lasted edited by : Nov 26, 2012
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    That's very hopeful, WWE!
     
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Baby steps are good.
     
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    At least that is a very good start. I hope you can build new and different relationship over time. My difficult child left home soon to be two years ago. I would had never been able to imagine two years ago how much better relationship I have with my son now. I do hope that happens to you also.

    Not that he won't be irritating stuffing out of you quite a many time in future too. But at least you have a good start.
     
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Positive very nice post, thanks for sharing it..............it all sounds so encouraging and you are doing a stellar job in detaching with love..........very, very good job, you must be so proud of yourself, not an easy task and it sounds as if you are falling into that role well. Good for you. And, he's responding to you differently, good job all around..........
     
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Two thumbs up!! :)
     
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Very happy for you. You deserve any break you can get. I'm relieved for you that he is improving and has a warm place to live. Hugs, Dee
     
  8. Thanks everyone for your support.... I'm pretty happy with things in the last couple of weeks.

    A little jinx - he has skipped school twice this week (same class)- not a good thing. Hopefully that doesn't keep up. I'm wondering if he has just given up on that class as a failure. I'm not going to say anything to him about it - it's his business and he'd only lie to me anyway. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

    We texted back and forth earlier in the week about this potential apartment. He was supposed to call about it and wondered about the money for first and last. We are selling his dirtbike for him so I told him that we'd have the money for him when he needed it and he was happy and thankful for that. That was 2 days ago and I haven't heard anything so I can guess that he either waited too long and didn't get the apartment or he still hasn't bothered to call about it.

    I may text him later today and see if he wants to have lunch tomorrow or Friday.
     
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