welcometowitsend
Member
Just a quick update on how things are going with difficult child.
He has been going to school (with the exception of 1 skipped class) for an entire 2 weeks! I can't tell you how thrilled I am about that. He said his interim report card was pretty bad (failed 2 out of 3 classes) but he is working hard to get his marks up and his teachers are willing to help him.
I met him last Thursday for lunch. We had a nice visit, no arguing, some joking around. He met me because I have his medication and he needed it but he met me nonetheless. We had a pleasant conversation about us going away to Florida for Christmas. We decided we'd get together beforehand for an early Christmas and then he could spend the holidays with his friends and easy child, husband and I would go to Florida. A nice compromise - so hopefully with his ADHD brain he remembers to ask for a day off - or we can work around some stuff to find some time to do this.
He may have a lead on a shared 2 bedroom apartment. He is still living on his buddy's couch right now. It's a little expensive but he's excited - it's close to his friends, job and school and it's in an apartment building. His friends mother has agreed to sign for him as he is not 18 (personally, I am relieved for him and shocked that she'd be so stupid but it's her choice). If difficult child is doing well and making things work I think husband and I will help him with expenses at least until he graduates high school. He has had the phone number for several days now but hasn't called - I think he's scared as well as excited - waiting to see what happens with that.
I think the kicker here was that I didn't try to give him too much advice or parent him I just listened and said Hmmm, or ok.... instead. I have to realize that now that he is out of the house I am done parenting him like I used to. If he asks for my help or advice I will give it but otherwise I will leave him to figure things out. Ie. I could have offered to pick him up after his guitar lesson and drive him to work because he would have been rushing and if he missed his bus he'd have been extremely late for work - but I didn't and he was fine. Also, he told me his laptop was broken. I asked if he knew where BestBuy was? Yes. Ok, good. Take it to BestBuy and tell them it is under warranty in my name and tell them to fix it. He has plenty of time to get this done so if it is important to him he will do it - and I'm quite happy for him to be off the internet for a while anyway - he gets so sucked into it and he had that porn issue before too.
Another good note - his guitar teacher is very pleased with his progress. He's showed up 3 weeks in a row and has been practicing a few times a week - not enough but better than nothing. He picks up quickly and has some musical talent so he could be very good if he worked at it.
I texted difficult child and told him I really enjoyed our lunch and I'd like to do it again sometime. He said he did too and maybe we could meet again this week - that's huge because I gave him enough medications to last him for 2 weeks so he doesn't HAVE to see me but he wants to. I'm actually tearing up because I finally have something to be happy about when it comes to him and our relationship.
So we are making some baby steps in the right direction. Once things get better with me then he can start working on things with his Dad. But Dad is so mad about how difficult child has treated me that he needs to see me and difficult child doing better before he'll even think about talking to difficult child. And easy child - well, she's pretty mad at difficult child too but - babysteps.
So, all in all a positive update for difficult child and our relationship.
He has been going to school (with the exception of 1 skipped class) for an entire 2 weeks! I can't tell you how thrilled I am about that. He said his interim report card was pretty bad (failed 2 out of 3 classes) but he is working hard to get his marks up and his teachers are willing to help him.
I met him last Thursday for lunch. We had a nice visit, no arguing, some joking around. He met me because I have his medication and he needed it but he met me nonetheless. We had a pleasant conversation about us going away to Florida for Christmas. We decided we'd get together beforehand for an early Christmas and then he could spend the holidays with his friends and easy child, husband and I would go to Florida. A nice compromise - so hopefully with his ADHD brain he remembers to ask for a day off - or we can work around some stuff to find some time to do this.
He may have a lead on a shared 2 bedroom apartment. He is still living on his buddy's couch right now. It's a little expensive but he's excited - it's close to his friends, job and school and it's in an apartment building. His friends mother has agreed to sign for him as he is not 18 (personally, I am relieved for him and shocked that she'd be so stupid but it's her choice). If difficult child is doing well and making things work I think husband and I will help him with expenses at least until he graduates high school. He has had the phone number for several days now but hasn't called - I think he's scared as well as excited - waiting to see what happens with that.
I think the kicker here was that I didn't try to give him too much advice or parent him I just listened and said Hmmm, or ok.... instead. I have to realize that now that he is out of the house I am done parenting him like I used to. If he asks for my help or advice I will give it but otherwise I will leave him to figure things out. Ie. I could have offered to pick him up after his guitar lesson and drive him to work because he would have been rushing and if he missed his bus he'd have been extremely late for work - but I didn't and he was fine. Also, he told me his laptop was broken. I asked if he knew where BestBuy was? Yes. Ok, good. Take it to BestBuy and tell them it is under warranty in my name and tell them to fix it. He has plenty of time to get this done so if it is important to him he will do it - and I'm quite happy for him to be off the internet for a while anyway - he gets so sucked into it and he had that porn issue before too.
Another good note - his guitar teacher is very pleased with his progress. He's showed up 3 weeks in a row and has been practicing a few times a week - not enough but better than nothing. He picks up quickly and has some musical talent so he could be very good if he worked at it.
I texted difficult child and told him I really enjoyed our lunch and I'd like to do it again sometime. He said he did too and maybe we could meet again this week - that's huge because I gave him enough medications to last him for 2 weeks so he doesn't HAVE to see me but he wants to. I'm actually tearing up because I finally have something to be happy about when it comes to him and our relationship.
So we are making some baby steps in the right direction. Once things get better with me then he can start working on things with his Dad. But Dad is so mad about how difficult child has treated me that he needs to see me and difficult child doing better before he'll even think about talking to difficult child. And easy child - well, she's pretty mad at difficult child too but - babysteps.
So, all in all a positive update for difficult child and our relationship.
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