husband Update
- Thread starter Hound dog
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Marcie Mac
Just Plain Ole Tired
Sending a hug Lisa
Marcie
Marcie
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
husband has finally been weaned off the oxygen. He'll get to move out of the cardiac ICU this afternoon and into a room on the cardiac care unit. 
He sounded like himself again when I spoke to him this morning. That made me feel much better. I still am not sure he gets the they can't fix him part, but we'll discuss that when he comes home. He comes from a very long line of very stubborn men, if he feels like he's just going to die anyway, I can so see him saying wth and not doing anything to change his lifestyle.
If he does the diet, the exercise, the medications and doesn't smoke, he might be able to buy himself extra time as well as have his quality of life improve. If he doesn't, it won't be long before the next one hits and he won't survive that one.
I'm hoping this has scared the holy crud out of him.
I updated sister in law.......and oddly he and his bro are so alike with their heart attacks it's a tad eerie......except that his bro was 12 yrs younger and didn't have the congestive heart failure and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) issues and could get the bypass surgery. But sister in law said that she was sure his bro would talk to him if husband wants to talk about this with him. It might help talking with someone who has been through it, might help him have realistic views on recovery ect. Though these two bros have such an enormous canyon between them, which no one to this day knows the cause (heck they've probably forgotten themselves) ....maybe this will bring them a little bit closer. They're all each other have.
I'm doing better today. Dealt with a lot of feelings and the facts to go with them. The "lost" sensation is pretty much gone, which is good. Guess I just needed some time to absorb it all.
You guys have been so great. I thank you so much. You've no idea how much your support means to me.
((hugs))
He sounded like himself again when I spoke to him this morning. That made me feel much better. I still am not sure he gets the they can't fix him part, but we'll discuss that when he comes home. He comes from a very long line of very stubborn men, if he feels like he's just going to die anyway, I can so see him saying wth and not doing anything to change his lifestyle.
If he does the diet, the exercise, the medications and doesn't smoke, he might be able to buy himself extra time as well as have his quality of life improve. If he doesn't, it won't be long before the next one hits and he won't survive that one.
I'm hoping this has scared the holy crud out of him.
I updated sister in law.......and oddly he and his bro are so alike with their heart attacks it's a tad eerie......except that his bro was 12 yrs younger and didn't have the congestive heart failure and Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) issues and could get the bypass surgery. But sister in law said that she was sure his bro would talk to him if husband wants to talk about this with him. It might help talking with someone who has been through it, might help him have realistic views on recovery ect. Though these two bros have such an enormous canyon between them, which no one to this day knows the cause (heck they've probably forgotten themselves) ....maybe this will bring them a little bit closer. They're all each other have.
I'm doing better today. Dealt with a lot of feelings and the facts to go with them. The "lost" sensation is pretty much gone, which is good. Guess I just needed some time to absorb it all.
You guys have been so great. I thank you so much. You've no idea how much your support means to me.
((hugs))
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
You are doing very well Lisa. I would be a basket case. I simply dont even want to imagine losing Tony even though we fight like cats and dogs pretty much on a daily basis...lol. Maybe I will give him an extra hug tonight and let him have my extra pillow in bed "just because"!
gcvmom
Here we go again!
Ahh, yes, stubborn men. My father was a lot like that.
Perhaps his brother will call in response to this and that will open the door to a convo about what HE went through. Hopefully your husband will be receptive. There's not much else you can do.
Glad to hear you are feeling better today and that he's improving enough to be leaving the ICU and talking about discharge plans. Definitely a good thing!
((((Hugs))))
Perhaps his brother will call in response to this and that will open the door to a convo about what HE went through. Hopefully your husband will be receptive. There's not much else you can do.
Glad to hear you are feeling better today and that he's improving enough to be leaving the ICU and talking about discharge plans. Definitely a good thing!
((((Hugs))))
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Odd as it might sound, in a way this was my wake up call too.
It made me realize just how much I do still love and care for husband and how much he means to me.
Back when he treated me like crud during the accident.......well, let's just say I'd never forgiven him for that. I held a grudge, I nursed it. (and I'm not even a hold a grudge sort of person) I let it drive a wedge between us. I kept my distance from him, no intimacy and not talking just sex....no hugging or anything in years. I didn't even try to understand, I just nursed the anger.
Well while he was in the ICU......when he was all attitude one minute and then just weird the next, then would do the I'm dying with the terrified little boy face on......I lost it and had to leave the room for awhile making the excuse I needed to go to the restroom. While the two aren't the same, mine was a few mins as his was days I was left alone, it might have been for the same reason. Know what I mean??
We argue and fuss at each other, we drive each other nuts, we complain about each other and get get on each others nerves. I don't think you can live with someone this long and that not be the case. But he totally "gets" me, and I totally "get" him. We don't have to be perfect for each other. And I don't know what I'd do without him. So I'm just going to enjoy having him while he's here, in between having to fight the stubbornness and grumpiness ect.
This evening he pushed me so far on the phone I had to spell it out to him point blank. He was quiet for a very long time. Maybe I got through to him. I know he's working hard on getting to come home by sitting in the chair and doing his walks in the hallway. He stopped complaining about not smoking, even though I can't quit until we get the chantix script (not if he's to survive......both of us on that level of grouchy would have fireworks to rival the 4th of July) But I'll be going outside and keeping temptation out of sight.
I'll do what I can to make his recovery pleasant. As far as the diet, well I basically cook that way anyway......it's his eating around my meals that is the problem, and the soda, and that the man loves his salt. (salt won't be available to him, I'm picking up sea salt tomorrow) I'll walk with him too. Heck I've been trying to get him to walk with ME for years.
It made me realize just how much I do still love and care for husband and how much he means to me.
Back when he treated me like crud during the accident.......well, let's just say I'd never forgiven him for that. I held a grudge, I nursed it. (and I'm not even a hold a grudge sort of person) I let it drive a wedge between us. I kept my distance from him, no intimacy and not talking just sex....no hugging or anything in years. I didn't even try to understand, I just nursed the anger.
Well while he was in the ICU......when he was all attitude one minute and then just weird the next, then would do the I'm dying with the terrified little boy face on......I lost it and had to leave the room for awhile making the excuse I needed to go to the restroom. While the two aren't the same, mine was a few mins as his was days I was left alone, it might have been for the same reason. Know what I mean??
We argue and fuss at each other, we drive each other nuts, we complain about each other and get get on each others nerves. I don't think you can live with someone this long and that not be the case. But he totally "gets" me, and I totally "get" him. We don't have to be perfect for each other. And I don't know what I'd do without him. So I'm just going to enjoy having him while he's here, in between having to fight the stubbornness and grumpiness ect.
This evening he pushed me so far on the phone I had to spell it out to him point blank. He was quiet for a very long time. Maybe I got through to him. I know he's working hard on getting to come home by sitting in the chair and doing his walks in the hallway. He stopped complaining about not smoking, even though I can't quit until we get the chantix script (not if he's to survive......both of us on that level of grouchy would have fireworks to rival the 4th of July) But I'll be going outside and keeping temptation out of sight.
I'll do what I can to make his recovery pleasant. As far as the diet, well I basically cook that way anyway......it's his eating around my meals that is the problem, and the soda, and that the man loves his salt. (salt won't be available to him, I'm picking up sea salt tomorrow) I'll walk with him too. Heck I've been trying to get him to walk with ME for years.
Lisa - out there somewhere (we have it here, but that doesn't mean anything) there are "healthy" sodas... juice spritzers etc., that are actually quite low in sodium. Not that he can chug 10 a day or anything, but its sure nice on a hot muggy day to be able to grab a soda of some sort. They are, of course, not cheap. Think "health food store" stuff - or health-food aisle - and its always $$$. But for the rare treat... just a thought.
So glad things are turning around for you... I'm glad you have time to work through this together, for however long you have together. You won't regret it.
So glad things are turning around for you... I'm glad you have time to work through this together, for however long you have together. You won't regret it.
Mattsmom277
Active Member
I'm glad things are improving and it sounds like this eye opener for you about the relationship is going to perhaps lead you to a more peaceful feeling in the marriage. Odd as it is, sometimes its things like this that bring people closer.
I hope he'll heed better lifestyle choices and choose to try to better his long term health now that something very real happened to him medically.
I hope he'll heed better lifestyle choices and choose to try to better his long term health now that something very real happened to him medically.
Marg's Man
Member
The 'salt' that will be the problem to him is Sodium chloride (or any other source of sodium). Sea Salt is still (mostly) sodium chloride and is just as bad (= dangerous) as regular table salt.
Talk to a dietician or read up yourself, you're plenty smart enough, to find what are safe levels of sodium for him and keep an eye on ALL sources. You cannot totally eliminate it, some is necessary but the average western diet has far too much. You might be able to use some potassium chloride which is often used as a sodium chloride replacement but be careful with it too. You can have too much potassium chloride also. Again the dietician will be able to provide you with the right advice.
Marguerite
Active Member
Lisa, I'm glad he's improved enough for them to consider moving him. Hugs, this is so difficult.
However - you can compensate for lack of salt by boosting flavour. And you can wean back on the salt, too. Chances are the hospital food is getting him accustomed to less salt so you can cut back a long way immediately he comes home and he might not even realise.
For flavour - find some recipes such as curry (without the fire if he can't tolerate it) or Moroccan recipes. I use the spices directly, make my own curry blends and spice blends. That way I know what is in it. I make my own salted lemons (yes, I know - salt!) and when I use them, I add less salt to the meal. You don't use much of the salted lemon peel, not enough to be a problem. And you can always rinse it off first. When I had to go on my ridiculously strict diet (also low salt), I found flavour in what I cooked saved my sanity. PM me if you want some recipes. The other things that helped especially when it was the kids who were on a diet - eliminating the problem foods from the house was the easiest way to go. I stopped buying sugary soft drinks and bought low-cal instead. I keep one in the fridge and one spare. The rest are warm and unpalatable until chilled. Switching to wholegrain, cutting out all sugar, cutting out fat, cutting out white flour, restricting fruit to one piece a day (that was hard! but strawberries are allowed in unlimited amounts), eating as many vegetables as you want (except potato), cutting out dairy except for small amounts - it meant I had to take multivitamins to compensate. But it made a huge difference.
I don't think he would be able to make so many changes especially so quickly, but there are ways to cut back in some areas and compensate in others so it's not so difficult.
Hugs, Lisa.
Marg
Just a warning - sea salt is still sodium chloride, it's the same stuff, basically, just with a few more impurities. And a higher price tag. ANY salt is a problem, because it has to be removed by the kidneys and the more you have, the harder your kidneys and heart have to work. If his BiPolar (BP) is low, his kidneys may not cope.
However - you can compensate for lack of salt by boosting flavour. And you can wean back on the salt, too. Chances are the hospital food is getting him accustomed to less salt so you can cut back a long way immediately he comes home and he might not even realise.
For flavour - find some recipes such as curry (without the fire if he can't tolerate it) or Moroccan recipes. I use the spices directly, make my own curry blends and spice blends. That way I know what is in it. I make my own salted lemons (yes, I know - salt!) and when I use them, I add less salt to the meal. You don't use much of the salted lemon peel, not enough to be a problem. And you can always rinse it off first. When I had to go on my ridiculously strict diet (also low salt), I found flavour in what I cooked saved my sanity. PM me if you want some recipes. The other things that helped especially when it was the kids who were on a diet - eliminating the problem foods from the house was the easiest way to go. I stopped buying sugary soft drinks and bought low-cal instead. I keep one in the fridge and one spare. The rest are warm and unpalatable until chilled. Switching to wholegrain, cutting out all sugar, cutting out fat, cutting out white flour, restricting fruit to one piece a day (that was hard! but strawberries are allowed in unlimited amounts), eating as many vegetables as you want (except potato), cutting out dairy except for small amounts - it meant I had to take multivitamins to compensate. But it made a huge difference.
I don't think he would be able to make so many changes especially so quickly, but there are ways to cut back in some areas and compensate in others so it's not so difficult.
Hugs, Lisa.
Marg
L
Liahona
Guest
You are amazing and reading about you and your husband is helping me with mine. I hope he decides to follow the diet.
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Yeah, I know sea salt is the same thing, the idea is that it makes you use less for the same effect. I'm not sure exactly if it works, they tell me it does. I'm not big on salt myself, never have been. And with my kidney issues I'm to have very little too. So I cook with very little, if any. But I do use a wide variety of other spices, more in later years than I ever have. I'll have to ask his doctor about the potassium chloride because I'm flat out NOT allowed to have it. (kidneys) So I'll ask before even considering buying it. But husband doesn't like it at all either, so he tells me. lol
I also rarely fry food, which is of course good. I can think of 3 things I fry : hamburgers, chicken, and eggs.......and each of those can be made differently, and heck even with the frying I don't do it very often.
It's that sneaky salt in food that drives me crazy. And I'll have to watch for it extra careful as husband doesn't exactly eat like I do.....or didn't....he'll be closer to the way I eat now. I go for more fresh fruits / veggies, not big on sugar or salt........he goes heavy for cheese, breads, sweets, and pours salt on everything. eww A lot I just won't buy anymore. Some things can be substituted without ruining the taste like sugarfree jello and pudding.......he even found some sugarfree ice cream sandwiches that he actually likes. And I'll have to watch his portions. He piles food onto his plate like he's a 17 year old out doing heavy labor all day. It will be proper portion sizes from now on. I'm sure until his stomach adjusts he'll think I'm starving him. Unless it's shrunk a bit while in hospital.
Recipes would be nice, thank you. I most use salt (little) pepper, sage, basil, bay leaf and that's about it. I wouldn't have a clue what to do with curry but I know when people are cooking with it the stuff smells heavenly. And no he can't handle really spicy or the fire part.
Oddly enough, I think lunch will be my hardest meal. Breakfast is fairly easy as is dinner........but lunch he likes peanut butter & jelly (pb is loaded with salt) or lunchmeat or hot dogs......or cheese sandwiches......you get the idea.
As per the sea salt......I may just see how he does without salting at all before buying it. Our Wendy's restaurants now use sea salt on their food. Gags me, literally. I can't eat it if I had to. husband doesn't even notice.........so maybe that wouldn't be such a great idea afterall. It would be better if he learned not to add ANY additional salt to his food.
I also rarely fry food, which is of course good. I can think of 3 things I fry : hamburgers, chicken, and eggs.......and each of those can be made differently, and heck even with the frying I don't do it very often.
It's that sneaky salt in food that drives me crazy. And I'll have to watch for it extra careful as husband doesn't exactly eat like I do.....or didn't....he'll be closer to the way I eat now. I go for more fresh fruits / veggies, not big on sugar or salt........he goes heavy for cheese, breads, sweets, and pours salt on everything. eww A lot I just won't buy anymore. Some things can be substituted without ruining the taste like sugarfree jello and pudding.......he even found some sugarfree ice cream sandwiches that he actually likes. And I'll have to watch his portions. He piles food onto his plate like he's a 17 year old out doing heavy labor all day. It will be proper portion sizes from now on. I'm sure until his stomach adjusts he'll think I'm starving him. Unless it's shrunk a bit while in hospital.
Recipes would be nice, thank you. I most use salt (little) pepper, sage, basil, bay leaf and that's about it. I wouldn't have a clue what to do with curry but I know when people are cooking with it the stuff smells heavenly. And no he can't handle really spicy or the fire part.
Oddly enough, I think lunch will be my hardest meal. Breakfast is fairly easy as is dinner........but lunch he likes peanut butter & jelly (pb is loaded with salt) or lunchmeat or hot dogs......or cheese sandwiches......you get the idea.
As per the sea salt......I may just see how he does without salting at all before buying it. Our Wendy's restaurants now use sea salt on their food. Gags me, literally. I can't eat it if I had to. husband doesn't even notice.........so maybe that wouldn't be such a great idea afterall. It would be better if he learned not to add ANY additional salt to his food.
