T
toughlovin
Guest
Hi all,
I took today off from work because I knew yesterday that I really just need a day off.... way too much stress in my life and now that things are more settled I am feeling on the edge.
Right now what is sending me over the edge is that I can't get any information about my difficult child at the rehab. Apparently he has signed a release for husband and not for me. I am now thinking that was intentional since we first heard that two days ago. I asked husband to call them this morning and then he was called into work early... he tried to call before 9 but didn't get anywhere. He is really stressed at work and so wanted me to try again and I just did.... I mean this is usually part of my role and its stupid that husband now has to do this.
So I just called and got nowhere. I understand about releases..... and I know the drill. It is clear from my conversation with them that there is not a release signed for me but is for husband. If husband had been here they would have talked to him and they highly recommend that he call.
Something was said at alanon the other night that really struck me. We were talking about fantasies and illusions. One person said that an illusion is that somehow we can love them enough to help them.... when in fact our love may just make them feel more guilty... and ultimately it is not what makes the difference.
I think this is exactly what is going on with my difficult child. I just want him to know he is loved and I let him know that but he is in this dark place and all it does is make him feel guilty and ashamed... which of course is not my intention at all.
I think by not signing a release for me (but one for husband) he is telling me I really need to back off.... and darn I am trying so hard to back off and i have so much and now I have to back off even more?????
I just want to know after that phone call the other night that he is ok and that he is where he should be. It is so hard when you can't see the place, that you only know 2nd hand what the place is like. I know the people on the phone have been nice, they clearly are professional, and they certainly are clear about hippa laws and releases... and they have good marketing info.... but still I don't really know what the place is like.
It just hurts so much.
OK I need to get myself together, go take a shower, have some breakfast and read a good book.
TL
I took today off from work because I knew yesterday that I really just need a day off.... way too much stress in my life and now that things are more settled I am feeling on the edge.
Right now what is sending me over the edge is that I can't get any information about my difficult child at the rehab. Apparently he has signed a release for husband and not for me. I am now thinking that was intentional since we first heard that two days ago. I asked husband to call them this morning and then he was called into work early... he tried to call before 9 but didn't get anywhere. He is really stressed at work and so wanted me to try again and I just did.... I mean this is usually part of my role and its stupid that husband now has to do this.
So I just called and got nowhere. I understand about releases..... and I know the drill. It is clear from my conversation with them that there is not a release signed for me but is for husband. If husband had been here they would have talked to him and they highly recommend that he call.
Something was said at alanon the other night that really struck me. We were talking about fantasies and illusions. One person said that an illusion is that somehow we can love them enough to help them.... when in fact our love may just make them feel more guilty... and ultimately it is not what makes the difference.
I think this is exactly what is going on with my difficult child. I just want him to know he is loved and I let him know that but he is in this dark place and all it does is make him feel guilty and ashamed... which of course is not my intention at all.
I think by not signing a release for me (but one for husband) he is telling me I really need to back off.... and darn I am trying so hard to back off and i have so much and now I have to back off even more?????
I just want to know after that phone call the other night that he is ok and that he is where he should be. It is so hard when you can't see the place, that you only know 2nd hand what the place is like. I know the people on the phone have been nice, they clearly are professional, and they certainly are clear about hippa laws and releases... and they have good marketing info.... but still I don't really know what the place is like.
It just hurts so much.
OK I need to get myself together, go take a shower, have some breakfast and read a good book.
TL