BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Whew.
So he called me tonight and basically said he was stressed and I needed to talk him down. This is a common request. In short, his attorney, for reasons of his fathers nasty phone calls to the attorney and Bart himself, said he was dropping him but Bart called back and thinks he can save the dump. But he isnt sure about it and the lawyer hasnt called him back yet (and maybe he wont) and he wanted me to soothe him.
And of course nothing I say does soothe him so this time I told him first off that I couldn't hear him. He has terrible cell phone coverage in his house. In the area. Half the time he is incoherant due to his cell phone giving out bad loud static.
But see Im not allowed to tell him I cant hear him. Even when I cant. Then he yells that he doesnt want me to say this...that I just have to do my best to hear him.
This time I repeated the truth. I could only hear static. Eventually i could hear him demanding that he is so stressed and I had to talk him down. Whatever that means. I never seem to do it right.
I told him I would listen to him vent but not try to talk him down because everything i say stresses him out. I NEVER say I wont but this time I told him that I cant do it.
He hung up.
I had it.
I felt like I had to belatedly set boundaries with him. I called my other three kids to gently inform them that from now on my phone goes off at 6 pm until I wake up so that Hub and me could spend that time together quietly and alone. If an emergency came up i told them to call Hub and he would get me.
My two girls caught on. "Oh, he is bothering you at night now, right?"
Sonic just said "No problem."
I then sent a long text to Bart. I told him I loved him to the moon (I tell my kids this and in this way) and was glad to listen to him but that listening seemed to be the best I could do. I told him he has to allow me to express myself and that yelling and swearing at me streses ME out...I am now 65 and want respect and calm. I told him he could call me mornings, that the rest of the day I am very busy so the phone is hit or miss and II repeated that nights are for my marriage relationship only. I told him I loved him (again...kept interspersing this) but we need a mutually respectful relationship.
So then I sent it and he called and called. I could feel the anger in the ringtone. I am positive it was an abusive call so I didnt answer it. I texted that this is night and to please please call in the morning.
That infuriated him. He texted me to never text him again especially this type of garbage...he is too stressed...and that he is blocking me.
I texted before he blocked me that I loved him and he must do what he feels is right. Then I shut down my phone for a long time and talked to Hub about it. My hub is not his fan. Hub is a calm rock of a man. He held me as we watched a movie.
I should be devestated that IIwas blocked, but Im not. I didnt and wouldnt cut off my own kid. I simply set boundaries and left contact up to him. But for once it is on my terms. No abuse. No more. Not happening. He is the only person left in my life who is abusive. It stops now. Tonight.
I wonder why so many people thought I was an easy mark for abuse and i actually feel it is because I put up with it. My Mom, Sis, Bart....I got bullied in school as a kid too. Just an easy mark for those eho bully others. Oh well. My fault for allowing it.
It feels good to finally say NO MORE. I wish I had done that to my Mom. My son is different. I will always love him just as I always loved my Dad, but, like my Dad, Bart is not capable of stepping into anybody else's shoes. If you lack empathy, you are often unkind and dont even realize it. My Dad and Bart...they both did/do think they are kind.
I am very grateful for my three loving kids and so glad they are not my DNA. This can recur in later generations as well as in Bart. Other normal seeming relatives carry this DNA. Ugh.
I am grateful and my life is still pretty great and I am still surrounded by loved ones and awesome friends. I still feel lucky....Bart has been like this since very young and was never really different...it is not new.
I am tired now but peaceful in my cozy house with the best husband ever and my pets and the knowledge that I have my kind kids and amazing granddaughter.
I may feel guilty later but I have a very busy weekend planned and the guilt will fade.
I do not really think I did anything wrong but it is easy to make me feel guilty. Thankfully I have another therapy appointment Tuesday. That always helps me put life in perspective
Love and light to all!
So he called me tonight and basically said he was stressed and I needed to talk him down. This is a common request. In short, his attorney, for reasons of his fathers nasty phone calls to the attorney and Bart himself, said he was dropping him but Bart called back and thinks he can save the dump. But he isnt sure about it and the lawyer hasnt called him back yet (and maybe he wont) and he wanted me to soothe him.
And of course nothing I say does soothe him so this time I told him first off that I couldn't hear him. He has terrible cell phone coverage in his house. In the area. Half the time he is incoherant due to his cell phone giving out bad loud static.
But see Im not allowed to tell him I cant hear him. Even when I cant. Then he yells that he doesnt want me to say this...that I just have to do my best to hear him.
This time I repeated the truth. I could only hear static. Eventually i could hear him demanding that he is so stressed and I had to talk him down. Whatever that means. I never seem to do it right.
I told him I would listen to him vent but not try to talk him down because everything i say stresses him out. I NEVER say I wont but this time I told him that I cant do it.
He hung up.
I had it.
I felt like I had to belatedly set boundaries with him. I called my other three kids to gently inform them that from now on my phone goes off at 6 pm until I wake up so that Hub and me could spend that time together quietly and alone. If an emergency came up i told them to call Hub and he would get me.
My two girls caught on. "Oh, he is bothering you at night now, right?"
Sonic just said "No problem."
I then sent a long text to Bart. I told him I loved him to the moon (I tell my kids this and in this way) and was glad to listen to him but that listening seemed to be the best I could do. I told him he has to allow me to express myself and that yelling and swearing at me streses ME out...I am now 65 and want respect and calm. I told him he could call me mornings, that the rest of the day I am very busy so the phone is hit or miss and II repeated that nights are for my marriage relationship only. I told him I loved him (again...kept interspersing this) but we need a mutually respectful relationship.
So then I sent it and he called and called. I could feel the anger in the ringtone. I am positive it was an abusive call so I didnt answer it. I texted that this is night and to please please call in the morning.
That infuriated him. He texted me to never text him again especially this type of garbage...he is too stressed...and that he is blocking me.
I texted before he blocked me that I loved him and he must do what he feels is right. Then I shut down my phone for a long time and talked to Hub about it. My hub is not his fan. Hub is a calm rock of a man. He held me as we watched a movie.
I should be devestated that IIwas blocked, but Im not. I didnt and wouldnt cut off my own kid. I simply set boundaries and left contact up to him. But for once it is on my terms. No abuse. No more. Not happening. He is the only person left in my life who is abusive. It stops now. Tonight.
I wonder why so many people thought I was an easy mark for abuse and i actually feel it is because I put up with it. My Mom, Sis, Bart....I got bullied in school as a kid too. Just an easy mark for those eho bully others. Oh well. My fault for allowing it.
It feels good to finally say NO MORE. I wish I had done that to my Mom. My son is different. I will always love him just as I always loved my Dad, but, like my Dad, Bart is not capable of stepping into anybody else's shoes. If you lack empathy, you are often unkind and dont even realize it. My Dad and Bart...they both did/do think they are kind.
I am very grateful for my three loving kids and so glad they are not my DNA. This can recur in later generations as well as in Bart. Other normal seeming relatives carry this DNA. Ugh.
I am grateful and my life is still pretty great and I am still surrounded by loved ones and awesome friends. I still feel lucky....Bart has been like this since very young and was never really different...it is not new.
I am tired now but peaceful in my cozy house with the best husband ever and my pets and the knowledge that I have my kind kids and amazing granddaughter.
I may feel guilty later but I have a very busy weekend planned and the guilt will fade.
I do not really think I did anything wrong but it is easy to make me feel guilty. Thankfully I have another therapy appointment Tuesday. That always helps me put life in perspective
Love and light to all!
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